DP's sex drive has dropped off a cliff, making me question our relationship.

[JasmineBuckles]

When we met 18 months ago our sex life was amazing, he had a high sex drive and so do I. Lately the gaps have been getting longer, probably for the last six months.

It went from every other day, to twice a week, to just Sunday mornings, to our latest record which was a month, until we dtd last night. We have no kids, DP and I both work long hours but we always have. He pays a cleaner for two hours a week, I do everything else including all the cooking, washing etc. He irons his work shirts but only goes into the office once a week so it's not onerous.

There is always an excuse, "my shoulder hurts", "I think I've got the male version of thrush", "I'm tired", "someone has pissed me off at work."

If I try to initiate he kisses me back with these closed mouth kisses which indicate no thanks not tonight. I'm not huffy about it, but I have mentioned it in an, 'er, we don't seem to be having sex, is there something wrong?' I get any one or several of the above as an answer.

He has put on some weight lately, but I still fancy him loads, and he says he still fancies me. He is kind, complimentary, affectionate, lots of physical affection but hardly any sex. We get on brilliantly, he is my best friend and I've never felt any doubt until now.

It had really started to get me down the last few days, as yet another weekend had gone by with no sex, and him jumping out of bed to let the dog out as soon as we woke up and not coming back. I'll admit I was a bit quiet and probably a bit low level sulky. He asked what was wrong, and rather than be that person who is grumpy about not having enough sex, I made something up about work.

I don't know if he put two and two together or he just felt like sex, but we dtd last night and it was great, like it always is. The sex is not the problem, for me it's the frequency.

This is the least sex I've ever had in a relationship, I love him very much but if this is how it's going to be I don't know if it's enough for me. I just found I got a little bit resentful and sulky as time went on, and I don't want to be that person.

Maybe it's worth the awkwardness of talking to him honestly about it. Do you think it's the weight issue? It could be any number of things but you can't know what's going on in his head without talking to him.

Could he be having erection issues and be too embarrassed to tell you, so either avoids it or makes up excuses?

It sounds as if he's libido has fallen off the cliff so you need to discuss it and find out what's caused this. Might be psychological or physical in origin. If he won't discuss it then you do have a problem.

Can you broach this in a non bedroom situation such as out for a walk? He could be depressed or stressed. If he isn't waking with erections he might well have a physical cause so needs to see his GP.

It's a really important part of most relationships so yes, it needs bringing out in the open.

He moves my hand away from his erections, both morning and nightime. The sex, when we have it, is brilliant. I just don't know what to do

It sounds as if you will have to talk to him (away from the bedroom as Matilda says).

Sorry to say this but, I think he may be bored or there could be someone else? After 18 months, his behaviour is far from normal. Sounds like he's slipped into complacency mode

Do any sound normal at all: 18 months into a new relationship? Have you considered just telling him that this is no longer working for you? Can you leave?

I could leave, but I don't want to. We have such a great time in every other way. ID just like more sex.

I've tried talking to him outside the bedroom, he just gives me an excuse, like his shoulder hurts or he's not well.

There isn't anyone else, he

Sorry, pressed post too soon. There isn't anyone else, none of his behaviour has changed, we just don't have sex. His weight gain isn't that that significant, it's a stone, maybe two.

He moves your hand away from his erections?

You need a proper talk, otherwise you'll split up anyway. Is he into porn by any chance?

How long have you been living together ?

So you've tried to talk but he just provides you with a list of excuses/reasons, and nothing changes.

He knows you're not happy with the frequency but it seems he doesn't plan on telling you the real reason why (if there is a real reason) or come to any kind of compromise.

He does frequently have erections but doesn't want you touching them or moves your hand away.

I think you should probably accept that the apparent high sex drive at the start was a blip and this now is his 'normal'.

And then decide if all the good stuff outweighs the lack of sex.

Me personally, I'd be outta there.

Did he really have a high sex drive? Or was he just trying to match yours and now that your relationship has a more firmer footing, he no longer has keep up the same level as in the beginning of your relationship.