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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH expectations around DIY

5 replies

ConfusedElf · 06/12/2016 09:32

We are renovating and DH is driving me nuts as he thinks I don't do enough but everything I (or any of my family) do gets criticised as not being good enough.

His father worked away a lot so paid for professional tradespeople on his family home whereas my family have always done everything themselves and I acknowledge it takes longer and may not be a perfect finish but it is a lot cheaper.

I am really reluctant to do more painting/sanding as it gets criticised and his expectation is of professional quality and I don't have the experience or tools to achieve that. He goes on and on about how he'll have to redo the whole exterior wall my brother painted due to a couple of drips.

He has now announced we are just going to leave everything for 5 years unless I can come up with a garden design, costings and timframe and firm commitment as to what exactly I'll do.

And he's decided to sell our car (which I use to get to work) as he wants to buy a station wagon so he can tow a trailer. Our current car is a small sedan which is great for me as I'm not very confident parking (or driving which isn't helped by his criticism when I drive him occasionally). We probably borrow a car and trailer once every two months from a family member to dump building materials/garden waste during renov. so I feel I'm being penalised as he knows I'd be nervous in a large vehicle (his ideal is a double cab ute but they are waaay out of our price range).

I am so frustrated (and I get he wants me to do more but we can't offload our kids every weekend and they still require too much supervision to be able to do most tasks with them present). Also I'm happy to do stuff in the evening but he either starts drinking and is grumpy or cooks for hours and presents a meal at 9pm when I just want to go to bed. And of course when I go to bed I get criticised for that too and told its passive aggressive but as I'm the one who gets up when the kids do and sorts their breakfast etc. and don't get to sleep in until 8am then I don't generally want to stay up until 11pm watching crap tv.

It just feels like everything is a drag now and I dread coming home from work to find out what is wrong now. He can still be great fun when we go out but time at home is difficult and I get its weighing on him that things need to be finished but it takes time.

Sorry guess this is more of a rant.

OP posts:
NotStoppedAllDay · 06/12/2016 10:17

Well you either stand up to him or move on

He's not exactly supportive or reasonable is he? Life's too short

YelloDraw · 06/12/2016 10:19

Sounds like there are larger problems at home than a bit of DIY criticism.

Do you do anything fun together? Do you like each other? Parent well together? Still have a sexual relationship?

Trifleorbust · 06/12/2016 10:58

Why is he the boss? He sounds very domineering and controlling.

Darmody · 06/12/2016 11:44

He sounds pretty bossy and ungrateful - if my brother-in-law was helping out I wouldn't be pointing out what had been done wrong.

He has utterly unrealistic expectations if he thinks that a professional job can be done with out actually hiring a professional. I have been doing up our house now for the last few years - I am in the 'Forth Bridge' stage of now redecorating the first rooms I started with. If you're doing it yourself, you just have to accept that there will be imperfections along the way, but it's totally unreasonable to criticise someone for not being a professional painter/decorator!

Cricrichan · 06/12/2016 11:59

What a dick! It's like you have to do exactly what he says and how he wants it or you get penalised! He should either get people in or do it himself if he's not happy with the standard and he shouldn't be selling your car!

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