Need a rant...

[MopedManiac]

Just need to get some things off my chest. Long back story (there's always going to be after 20 years married). Am slowly working through idea/slow dawning that DH may be somewhat of a narcissist...

Am getting really fed up with grumpy DH. Am getting really bored of grumpy DH whining about the same things all the time. Pay TV menu is shit; can't find info he wants on website; 'small print' (even if it's almost as big as the bloody offer!); other drivers when he's in a rush, and the list goes on........

Anyway, I'm in a right hump myself right now. As he and kids were watching long running TV series that I had never got into, thought I'd take my mince pie upstairs and catch up on a bit of Gareth Malone Choir show.

As I'm leaving the lounge DH looks at me pointedly and says "Don't you want to sit with your family?" I say "I haven't watched any of this so I have no idea what's going on." "Not the point" he mouths as me looking pointedly at the DCs (11 & 13) like I'm abandoning them or something.

I know where this is going so I re-enter the room. "You don't have to you know." (Subtext - but you should want to...)

So, I've spent the last hour sitting on an uncomfortable dining chair, mindlessly scrolling through pinterest while they watched their show. No one said a word to me the whole time. Not that I minded - I just would have preferred no one said a word to me while I was comfy in my bed with Gareth Malone (ooh that sounds wrong!)!

Reading that through I'm no longer in a hump, just sad... (except that last bit).

Seriously though, he can be such a hypocrite but I just say nothing as I've learnt over the yrs just to keep my mouth shut... and to carefully pick my battles...

Sigh...

Right so I can't say from what you posted that he is a narc. A bit of a controlling moaning nob yes. I was with a narc and they are horrific shells of human beings. Not saying he isn't just can't tell from your post. Lots of threads on here about narcs and plenty of research you can read up on to spot the behaviours xxx

Thanks jeaux.

From what I've read of narcs, he doesn't seem like a total one; I thought maybe just shades of one. Def not a horrific shell of a human - he cares too much.

I'll go with controlling moaning nob (CMN) for now. That seems to fit...

I'd deflect and challenge by saying I think it's lovely that he and the kids share something that's special for just them as many dads aren't lucky enough to have that.

That's beside the point though, you shouldn't have to think of the right spin to deflect and shut him down.

Oh they care....just not about anything unless it's about them controlling the situation etc. They don't care about consequence etc. But look it sounds like your DH does like to call the shots a bit too much I mean seriously you don't have to sit and watch crap you don't want to, could have been your "me" time in the bath or whatever you like to do and you can always do a movie night with them all, something you can all watch. I'd have a stern word if I was you, his reaction will teach you a lot I imagine! Or is this a battle you don't want to pick? (Which would also tell you a lot!) big hug xxxxx

so what happen if you say 'no' to watching a sh programme?

There would have been sighs n a guilt trip eileen. Some rubbish about sharing something with them even if I don't particularly enjoy it...

FYI I spend lots of time with the DCs and listen to and watch plenty of tripe (including DSs computer games - yawn) where I'm not particularly interested but want to show an interest in their likes...
(gawd that sounds awful! Along with spending time with them coz they're awesome people!)

It doesn't sound awful with regards to what you said about spending time with them, I don't care what people say, being a parent is the hardest job on the planet and sometimes you need a little respite from it. Your husband spend as much time with the dc's as you do? It sounds like there are a couple of battles worth having here.

We spend about the same time with the kids jeaux. Every now and again he gets a bee in his bonnet about spending time together and not sitting on our phones, games and iPlayer. Even though we do heaps of activities as a family on the weekends. Having said that he's often the first to get his phone out when all out for dinner .

Immediately after the delightful family bonding moment above, it was "right kids, up to bed" as his 'zombie' show was on. I left the room with the kids, with nary a word from DH, and watched iPlayer after the kids and I chatted and I nagged for teeth brushing 5 times and they went off to sleep...

It does my head in sometimes

Yep it sounds like rutting season in your house. Alpha male?

"Oh I'm happy to do family time, I didnt realise you would all want to watch Gareth Malone with me! I'll just change the channel then..."

He sounds controlling and a bit of a bully, you will have to stand up to him if you want treated equally, I'd have said no, I am not watching a serious I have never seen from the start, you are giving him the control when you do as HE wishes, start doing what YOU wish.

I do push back but unfortunately I think I tend to give PA reactions which just isnt productive. It's like going round in a bully-PA bully-PA circle. I guess most of you might be thinking "well dur" but I really don't know why it's taken me this long to recognise the pattern..
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