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Original poster

Is anyone up? Marriage is over

18 replies

Hoppityfuckingvoosh · 04/12/2016 23:12

After months of counselling, trying to find the route of our issues, trying to reconnects, we seem to have both decided that it can't work.

He wants to love me but he doesn't. He hopes it will come back with time but it might not.

I did love him so much before the separation but now I'm just exhausted. There's nothing there anymore. I'm done in.

He left about an hour ago and I haven't stopped crying.

Why if it's the right thing to do-we can't carry on living this half life of maybe/maybe not-do I feel so sad and regretful?

Im so inescapably and completely broken. I'm so, so, so sad.

OP posts:
ScarletSienna · 04/12/2016 23:14

I have no advice or insights but Flowers

moreslackthanslick · 04/12/2016 23:16

I'm so sorry hoppity!

Big hand hold for you.

trickycat · 04/12/2016 23:17

Any relationship ending is painful, you are mourning the loss of a future that you thought you had. This is a shitty time but you will get through it. Do you have support? Do you have DC?

Better times are ahead but you have to be patient and go through the process - shock, fear, angry, sadness. Flowers

Original poster
Hoppityfuckingvoosh · 04/12/2016 23:21

We have a DC, which makes it so much worse.

It hurts so much. I have a great support network; him, not so much

He's my best friend and was the love of my life. It's fucking agonising.

OP posts:
loser102 · 04/12/2016 23:21

It's because you wanted it to be, what you wanted it to be and thought it was and now it isn't.
A separation might be the best thing for you both, it will give you both some space to think clearly without trying to force things. I would start living as though it's over (if you can) then if it really is, you'll be half way there.
I know how hard it is, I split with my h six months ago and even though I don't want him back as I know in my head I am worth more than he has to give, I still miss him and love him. I married for life and struggling with the fact that he has changed his mind and let me down so badly when I thought he was the one person who never would.
It gets better each day and your head will start to out weigh your heart in how you think about things xx

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/12/2016 23:21

I'm so sorry Flowers

This will hurt like hell but you'll get through it. Please don't isolate yourself, even if it's just posting here.

colourchameleon · 04/12/2016 23:24

Time is your friend, to put it bluntly you will feel awful for a period of time and then it will gradually decrease to the odd day.

Don't apologise for hurting, make time to grieve and don't rush moving on before you're ready Flowers

ManaFleet · 04/12/2016 23:27

FlowersFlowersFlowers I have no advice, but here's my hand.

IsNotGold · 05/12/2016 04:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hope34 · 05/12/2016 06:43

Just want to say, I am sorry and glad you have good support Flowers

monicaforbes11 · 05/12/2016 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IsNotGold · 05/12/2016 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hoppityfuckingvoosh · 05/12/2016 08:44

I got a few hours but woke up with a stinking headache that's still here. Feel sick.

I've gone to work but can't stop crying. I don't know how I can flipping get through today. Guess I just have to.

I wanted it to work so much.

I just don't know what to do now. It's been 11 years of my life. It just feels so horrifically final.

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 05/12/2016 10:10

Practical advice first, the crying is likely to cause the headache so try to drink water.

Hand holding as in a similar place and today the tears won't stop, which I know is made worse by lack of sleep.
My dc is so sad and I just want to make it better but I can't.

Hermonie2016 · 05/12/2016 10:22

I responded to your other post yesterday when you felt you were being blamed for all the relationship issues.
The reality is so tough, you always believe there is hope.It does feel like you have been open to work on the marriage but your H hasn't been.
Very similar situation to mine and as well as the heartache you are trying to make sense of it.

It will be ok and you won't always feel like this.Just have faith that your life will get better.Allow the tears to flow but do make sure you sleep and eat well.

Original poster
Hoppityfuckingvoosh · 05/12/2016 14:05

Thanks for the handholding. It's appreciated.

Just want today to be over.

OP posts:
user1480843266 · 08/12/2016 07:23

Flowers I into day 3 of my relationship being over. He too was the love of my life, I do still love him but he is not same person he was. I see no future, so it's just more wasted time hanging on.

I feel sick with the pain, the shock of it, I agree it is agonising. It's not just the loss of him, it's worry about the future, the loss of the future I thought we might have.

I went to see my doc, cos I can't be crying around the kids all the time and they were very empathetic and gave me something to help me feel better and something to help me sleep. It's definitely helping.

ofudginghell · 08/12/2016 07:33

Another hand hold here and Flowers

Take each day as it comes and just think in the moment you are in. Don't think any further ahead.

Do you work in a small environment or larger and with the public?x

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