So on wednesday my Dp my kids walked out for what seems to be the eliventy billion million time.
Im not having him back no matter how many times he cries or begs me.
Im so fuxking done. So so done. I cant do it anymore.
I cant take his boozing and abuse anymore.
Hes a cunt with a capital C.
About 8 weeks id been offered a refuge from WA - im so stupid i turned it down because he said that he couldnt keep drinking he couldnt keep attatcking me he promised and begged and cried for me to take him back. So i did - i grew up with no dad and it messed with my head.
I always wanted my kids to have a dad but alas i chose the wrong man (child).
I moved 300 miles from all my family i gave up a great job related to my degree. I borrowed money from my grandparents so we could have a nice (rented) house. He spent it all on beer!
We got pregnant quickly - very much wanted on both sides after a c- section 300 miles from home with my first child being 11 days old he fucked off and left us in the lounge of our rented house to go on the piss for 3 days, doing his typical ignoring calls spending all our money he took the car and left us stranded with nothing. Im sorry babes ill never do it again its so stressful having a new born - i like a total twat took it all in and had him back.
This behavour continued every couple of months.
We then got pregnant again with our beautiful boy this was a very hard pregnancy - my boy was pre term and IUGR he tried coming early a few times and i spent alot of time in hospital or have scans and dopplers every few days. Each time the hospital said they where going to admit me my DP would go off on one having a temper tantrum disapearing leaving me with a baby and another baby who was coming and clearly poorly. This was the first time he physically hurt me he head butted me after a row over his ex wife. He then left again and we didnt see him for a couple of weeks.
I remember being admitted to hospital with a poorly bump and a 10 month old little girl in the maternity ward with my daughter sleeping in her pram because he wouldnt come and get our dd.
When our son was born i was induced for 3 days and then things turned nasty we where rushed to theater for a cat 2 section. Our boy was finally here it should of been such a relief at 2 days old my DP ran away again and left me in hospital with a 11 month old and a poorly new born. I remember sitting in my hospital bed sobbing my heart out that id failed that social services where coming to get my DD. My mum managed to get someone to care for my disabled brother and she came up to get my daughter.
40 hours after DS and i where discharged i ended up in an ambulance taken in resus in a state - it turns out i had septis. DP the childrens dad was no where to be seen. My DS was re admitted too and we spent a further 8 days in hospital with no sign of him apart from a few abusive texts. It turns out hed managed to organise a family meal with all his family his ex wife his other kids for his birthday yet he left my son and i to rot.
I bloody took him back ive never felt that vunrable before.
Since my son was born the violence has got worse his drinkings got worse the lies the money worries have got worse.
I left him last september i got an emergency hearing in court for a CAO it was granted in my favour. Caffcass got involved DP ignored them. He came to the house the night before the hearing and talked me round promosed me the moon on a stick promised hed stop drinking hed start being a proper dad. It last for 4 months.
Since january hes left and stropped of 8 times sometimes for weeks on end, ive had to report him missing because alledegly no body has seen him. Turns out people lie turns out my childrens paternal family lie to cover his back. They seem to take him at his word although ive got the bruises on my neck the grazes on my face the black eye the trashed house the dents on the fridge the ripped curtains the broken china the whole in the door the paint throw over the bedroom.
So back to wednesday it was my birthday id just come back from a confrence in paris for work my mum had come up to help him with the kids. He had lost his house key. He told me he would be back at 5.30 so we went out for the afternoon xmas shopping he text at 4 and said he was back and where where we, i explained we where shopping and we would be back at 5.30 like arranged and could he get some salad for our dinner, he said no im going to the pub its happy hour i asked him what he expected me to make for dinner he just went balistic and totally blew up. We arrived home to him stood on the door step swaying with a corner shop bag in his hand it had a head of lettice 2 loose toms and half a cucumber. Thats when i realised that he just doesnt give a shit about the kids or i and that the booze is the main thing in his life his number one priority.
Ive not heard from him since yet on a saturday (im a travel agent and its our busiest day) he has the kids every week so i can work because we have seperate money, i was expecting him to turn up and have the kids he didnt and ive heard off someone he works with that he worked on saturday. He knows i have no annual leave left and that i dont get paid if i dont go in he knows it causes major issues for me at work. Its a control thing.
Im stuck up here with no family no support and i feel really fuxking angry.
Id love to move back home with the kids to be near family and have some support but because we are in a housing assiciation property im classed as housed and there is nothing i can do. We are stuck up here im going to lose my job we will have to go on benifits ive got bills coming out of my ears no support no one to talk to.
Ive had enough but this time i know i cant go back to him i cant let him back in.