Can't stand my friend!

[AllPartOfThePlan]

I live with a girl who is a really nice person, this is absolutely no reflection on her, but I can't STAND her voice and accent. It's like nails on a chalk board to me and I find it really really irritating, instant headache and I'm avoiding her and wearing headphones all the time, I've even gone to my parents for a week just to get away from that voice. The worst thing is she talks INCESSANTLY if not directly to me then on the phone for literally hours every evening, or the dog or my daughter or herself or anyone who will listen. Her voice isn't particularly loud but it seems to travel and even in her room with the TV on and door closed and mine as well the other end of the house I can still hear it like a mosquito in the room and it drives me MENTAL. Any tips on how to get over this??? I have sensory processing issues and people talking are part of it but it's usually crowds of loud conversations, not just one person. Help!

Move out? I don't really see another solution as this set-up isn't working for you. You can't ask her to change her voice. Other than trying hypnotherapy or something to see if you can alter your own response.

Unfortunately I can't move and she is a good housemate in all other ways. She's also just had a few huge incidents happen in the last 6 months (deaths of loved ones, relationship breakdown, money problems, health problems...) and I don't really want to add homeless to that...! I would imagine she'll lose her job soon or change jobs and possibly move nearer to her family when that happens but in the mean time we're stuck here. It makes me so irritated though I get snappy and short tempered with my daughter or turn into a prisoner in my own room just to avoid that voice (though I can still hear it in the house). Think living with Janice from Friends. Same thing. Janice was a nice person, just fucking irritating!

You obviously don't like her. If it's your place just give her standard notice like 30 days to move out. She'll find another place, don't worry you're not anyone's saviour.

But why did you rent to her?

I understand perfectly how irritating some voices can be. I remember when Thatcher was elected. I was back in the UK for elections and so glad to be leaving again. Forget about the politics, I could not have coped with the voice.

Atenco when she viewed the room she gave a very different impression of her lifestyle to the reality (though she thinks she didn't, eg she thinks she has a busy active social life because she goes for a drink with her mum once a month, my version of a busy active social life is out most the weekend and maybe a drink 1 or 2 evenings a week, she said she had a serious long term boyfriend, she'd been seeing him 3 weeks & he dumped her soon after she moved here and she spent a week in bed crying about it and needed her mum to come look after her and went on antidepressants... in my mind 3 weeks isn't even a boyfriend yet, never mind something to be that serious and in pain about, other stuff like that, more different perceptions than outright lies) and her voice didn't bug me at the viewing, I thought also nerves might play a part, but since then it's got more and more grating the more I've spoken to her. Also because when I realised her lifestyle was dramatically different to what I was expecting and it started really annoying me and she was here all day every day for almost a month at one point and she talked continuously that entire time I was moaning to my friends/family about it and doing an impression of her but I do it too well and now every time I think of her my brain runs the impression as well as the reality and I've gone and wound myself up with it. And that accent! Ugh! "Oh what's that you're eating oh is it mashed potatoes oh I love mashed potatoes it reminds me of my gran she used to grow vegetables and like she would put like leeks in her mashed potatoes like have you ever tried leeks like they're like long green things like and they're like really nice in mashed potatoes like my gran used to make and I might have something to eat now like cos d'ya evah get like that like when you just really fancy something to eat like d'ya know wha' I mean though like d'ya evah get like that though like when you like really need like somink to eat though and like your belly feels really weird though and like I dunno if it's just me though d'ya know what I mean though like d'ya eva get like that though like when you want food like that like d'ya know what I mean like d'ya evah get like that though..." Gaaaaagh!!! Hungry??? Yes, I get fucking hungry!!! Arrrgh! Stop making 20 minute conversations out of NOTHING!!!!! I know, I know she's not doing anything wrong, she's just making conversation and trying to be friendly, but god I can't listen to that constantly. If I hear "dyaevahgetlikethatthoughdyaknowwhatimeanlike" one more time I'm going to scream!

Oh god that sounds awful. I do feel your pain, I actually had to leave a shop the other day because one of the shop assistants was droning on like that. I'd have to get her to move out before she ended up under the patio,

She's not actually your friend is she? She's your lodger. I think it's odd you described her as a friend when you barely know her. Give her notice. Say "I'm really sorry but I've realised I need my own space and I'm not good at sharing" Help her look for somewhere more suitable.

To be fair, that does sound fucking unbearable. No advice though, sorry.

So she's taken over your house, your life, your daughter.

She's holding you both hostage.

Her life issues are not your responsibility. Give her notice. Be strong.

And doing it kindly like bibbity said is the best way.

So you wanted a lodger who has an active social life and isn't sitting around making conversation with you all week

She isn't that person

It's fine to ask her to move. Give her a decent notice period

This isn't going to get any better, and it's sad that you are snapping at your daughter due to feeling cross with her

With your next lodger be clearer in your expectations

I can see both sides of the coin here.

I also have a 'thing' about certain noises/voices and it would drive me barmy to live with a noise which grated so much. But I tend to realise things like that pretty much straight away, if it's so bad am struggling to understand why you didn't realise when you met her the first time.

Also, in my 20s I lodged with a woman who was about my mum's age. She was nice and we got on well but it was made quite clear to me that it was her home and I had the space of my single room and was not to leave my things in any of the other living spaces. I was in my mid 20s and was out a lot so some weeks we hardly saw each other. It was cheap and close to work and it suited us both fine.

Then I had been seeing a guy which ended disastrously. He was an absolute dick (abusive). I ended the relationship as soon as I realised but to be honest, I felt a bit bruised (metaphorically) from the whole experience. It was a massive knock to my confidence as I couldn't believe my judgement in even giving him the time of day never mind actually dating him. I felt the need to retreat a bit and lick my wounds. We had only been seeing each other for about a month so to anyone else it would have looked as though I was disproportionately 'grieving' for a very short relationship. But I just retreated and for a couple of weeks I just went to work and came home again. And that's when I realised that it really wasn't my home. My landlady phoned one of my friends - ostensibly to say she was 'worried' about me but she was basically phoning to complain that now I never went out!

I moved out shortly after as I realised that the lodging type set-up wasn't right for me. I needed a space which I could retreat to when I needed it, not to be expected to go out all the time because that suited the landlady.

Unless she is completely dense, she will realise the effect her presence is having. I would also give her notice, it's much better for you both in the long run.

How come you describe her as a friend? She's clearly not unless you were sort of acquaintances/friends before she moved in?

You sound awful to take the piss out of her it's clear your not suited to having someone stay in you're personal space.

I got to this stage when I had lodgers. Just normal morning noises like coughing or clearing throats or even heavy breathing drove me mad in the end. It was a sign that I needed to live on my own which is what I did. There is no other answer.

Think of a neutral reason to serve notice and promise her an excellent reference.

I was moaning to my friends/family about it and doing an impression of her

How lovely of you.

You both sound as bad as each other tbh.

Just ask her to move out.And i read the update about leeks in Vicky Pollards voice.

She would do my head in. A friend's daughter is similar. Lovely girl but constantly asking obvious questions - 'are you cooking?' when it's obvious that I'm cooking. Why this, why that etc. She's only 12 and is really sweet and I feel bad that she irritates me, but can't change how I feel.

Ask her to leave op. She needs more of a houseshare with friends.

She would definitely be more suited to a flat share with a group of young girls. She's taken today off again now. I don't know how she still has a job with the amount of time she takes off and the hours she does. Honestly she seems so young and childlike, she really doesn't seem prepared for life as an adult, she doesn't seem much older than my daughter. I know I'm being bitchy, and it's not her fault, she's not malicious or anything, she is a nice person and I really wish her well, but she does drive me MENTAL.

Stop making 20 minute conversations out of NOTHING!!!!

OP, stand before a mirror, and repeat these words.... You sound a peach to live with. Is Mumsnet your new gossip bff?