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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Worms and other things that irritate

25 replies

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:20

Just looking for some perspective!

Every weekend with my DP involves a disagreement/argument. I look forward to Monday when he goes back to work.

Latest - he thinks our DD has worms, she has an itchy bottom at night. I think he is probably right, but I'm reluctant to give her the medication straight away. Want to give her a bath, look at her poos etc. He has been out and bought the medication, I'm going to thoroughly clean everything next week.

It's the way the matter is discussed. I feel he is aggressive, thinks I'm being neglectful and am not encouraging good hygiene practices. Although he doesn't directly SAY that - it's how I FEEL when he talks to me. Am I paranoid? I feel like I want to hide away from him at the weekend.

OP posts:

ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 15:23

I think your DP is right and you should give her the medication.

dementedpixie · 04/12/2016 15:26

Hope you got medication for everyone as with worms you treat the whole family. Just treat and get it over with as it won't do any harm if there aren't worms after all

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:30

Thanks! I'm just reading about the medication online and it sounds pretty straightforward. But the whole thing is straightforward!! Why has it ended as yet another argument!!

OP posts:

ZoFloMoFo · 04/12/2016 15:30

Because you're reluctant to give her the medication?

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:33

Think I just wanted to read up on everything first, but yes it's probably my doing...

OP posts:

QuiteLikely5 · 04/12/2016 15:34

You should treat her today and forget about analysing the situation as it won't achieve much.

What sort of other arguments are there? One example isn't enough to comment on

gamerchick · 04/12/2016 15:37

Just treat and make sure you all take it and again in a fortnight.

I worm mine regular, like the cat.

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:39

I would say that we have different viewpoints over 75% of decisions that need to be made. I often avoid his company.

OP posts:

ScarletForYa · 04/12/2016 15:40

I'm with your husband.

She has worms. Administer the medication to everyone. Cut her nails, disinfect the nail clippers. Boil wash everything, disinfect everything.

Thoroughly cleaning everything next week? Why wait?

Arguments aside, I wouldn't prevaricate.

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:42

For example today, I planned an afternoon out. It was sold to my daughter as "mummy wants to go to....". I've just let them go out together as I could see a complete lack of enthusiasm.
I'm now at home letting my angst out on mumsnet.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:43

Thank you!! I shall have a meal prepared and medication out on their return...

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/12/2016 15:46

It seems that your issues are in no way solely about the worms issue/when to medicate but rather about the misery of living with a critical, argumentative, combative person?

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 15:48

Think so - but who is the critical/argumentative/combative one??

OP posts:

pklme · 04/12/2016 17:38

Well, to buck the trend, it's right to check she has worms before treating her.
The pharmacist once refused me the tablets because I said I hadn't seen them .
He said come back when you have looked and found them.

There are other things it could be- sore from constipation, not cleaning properly etc.

Don't get me wrong, it probably is. But the timing matters. You need to give the tablet to everyone on the same day you wash all the linen, bathe everyone, wet dust the whole house etc. Planning is perfectly sensible.

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 18:29

Ahhhh pklme!!! We've just literally all taken the medication! Then I read your post! Oh well - sure it's fine. But your post reflect my side of argument exactly. On plus side, peace and harmony has returned to the house...

OP posts:

Joysmum · 04/12/2016 18:46

It's ended in yet another argument because you both don't come across as have listened and considered each other's point of view so it's escalated. You can disagree but still come across of taking the other seriously.

It worrying you accept the views of strangers on the internet and not your own DH. Either you both learn how to break the dictatorial not listening cycle or you'll continue to argue every weekend.

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 18:54

Umm, no just after other peoples' thoughts and experiences. That's the beauty of mumsnet. I did listen to him AND the advice on here. But yes, something needs to change between us.

OP posts:

abbsisspartacus · 04/12/2016 19:02

he sounds exhausting and the "mummy wants to go shit" would annoy the fuck out of me its just a way to get his own way and not do something you might enjoy

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 19:20

Turns out he is right about the worms! Yuk, just seen them all in the toilet and I showed him! This has prompted him to go into a complete cleaning frenzy - more housework being done in space of 10 minutes then I've seen in ten years!!

OP posts:

ClassmateHB · 04/12/2016 19:29

How long have you been together, and how old is your DD? Coparenting can be difficult if you have different viewpoints, but it doesn't always have to be a row.

Joysmum · 04/12/2016 19:35

I feel I listen to my DH too, he doesn't always share that perception so I'm putting in more effort so there's no misunderstanding as I can be like a bulldozer.

Have you told him you're glad he trusted his judgement and DD has been treated, or is this something you don't feel you want to do because things are so bad with him?

I ask only because I've been through through a similar process with my DH in the past and we're better for it. It started by acknowledging that most of our problems were in communication and that if either of us came across as an arse, it wasn't because we were one and to try to treat each other with kindness and respect inspire of it. You can get caught in the rut of a negative cycle and not get out if you aren't careful but it's something that needs both of you to do and want to change.

...or is he just an arse and you'd be pissing in the wind to try and change things?

pklme · 04/12/2016 19:52

So everyone wears pants in bed, straight into the wash in the morning, no hanging around on the bedroom floor or whirling them around your head... (Mainly thinking of the children, here!). Lots of damp dusting, cloths and pants straight into the wash.

Easily forgotten- wash your hands after putting laundry into the machine!

Lots of hand washing, and no nail biting, of course!

I'll let you and the pps worry about the other elements of your post!

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 20:27

Thank you for all your fab advice. Currently decontaminating all soft toys around her bed. He is not an arse, so yes it's about communication. We rarely have a shouty type row, we are just very dismissive. Sometimes he is right, sometimes I'm right. We've always known this about each other - that we are quite different. But we felt our different perspectives would give a more all-round fuller picture - rather than two people who think the same way and agree all the time. Pants will be straight in the laundry!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pantydraco · 04/12/2016 20:36

No - I told him he was right!! And he is currently feeling so glorious that he is deep cleaning everything!!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 04/12/2016 20:46

Let him! Have a cuppa and watch.

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