I'll try to keep this brief but I guess it complicated!
I've been married to me husband for 17yrs and in that time he's regularly been abusive. We have 2 children aged 16 & 10 and he has a 19yr old son he hardly sees from a previous relationship.
I know what everyone will say - just leave him. But it's not that easy. I'm scared, scared of what will happen to me and the kids, scared of what he'll do to me - even though he regularly tells me "you know where the door is, if you don't like it f**k off. I'm also ashamed & embarrassed.
It started as a whirlwind romance and we were desperately in love - although at the time he had done jelousy issues it didn't bother me. We were young and in love or so I thought. Anyway we married really quickly and yes it's true - Marry in haste repent at leisure. I've spent at least half of the last 17yrs regretting it. Life is so sad and miserable. I see other people and long to have what they've got.
He's so angry he shouts at the slightest thing that doesn't go right. I spend most of my life in egg shells worried when he's next going to blow and when he blows it's sheer hell. He screams & shouts and throws things. He's hit me in the past although as the years have gone by and he's worn me down I tend not to argue back and therefore it doesn't descend into a fight.
He belittles me and puts me down even though I'm the one who is successful and he's not. He does work hard and it's about the only good quality he has. I know he feels inadequate- to which he is if I'm honest he can bearly read & write, and that's why he try's to make me feel stupid.
He never says sorry or try's to explain his behaviour. He won't speak to me for a while could be days and then he'll just expect to carry on as normal and the cycle goes round again.
Both my children lack confidence as he can never say anything positive to them. It doesn't matter what they achieve he always has a criticism. Ive never understood that bit!
Anyway, the crux of me posting was that he went crazy at my son last night as he was a bit cheeky - he's 16!! He screamed at him like he screams at me and told him he was going to smash his head in - a favourite saying that I'm told very often. My son took off out the door and he was shouting after him to f*k off and don't come back. I tried to mention this to him this morning and he doesn't see anything wrong with what he said. I stayed upstairs and went to bed out of his way and he came up at 11.45pm - I was asleep, turned the light on and ripped the covers back and shouted at me to get out of his f*king bed. Of course I did as I'm too scared to argue as it'll end with me getting hit. So I had to sleep in the sofa.
He said this morning when I tried to challenge him - that he's fed up of us all at the moment.
I know what you'll all say, but it just helps to let it out. I have no one I can speak to about it.