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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset about a will!!??

23 replies

JustStoppingBy · 04/12/2016 00:19

OK so honestly accidentally was cleaning the house of a relative and took scrap of paper. Only later was going to throw it out and see its actually a draft of their will. OK I'm no saint I mean it's no shocker they have money but I have a little read. Nothing too surprising as they don't get along with vast majority of their relatives close or otherwise so only about 5 people in it. What upset me was I'm one of 3 and my 2 siblings are in it and I wasn't. Don't get me wrong this sounds like it's about money but it's not the point. None of us are particularly close to this person but I do try and visit and do what I can. I didn't do it for money sake and don't expect to be paid but it hurts to think that I'm not even worth a mention not even oh she gets a plant pot. We all have families so I can't even justify it and say well maybe that's why. I don't even begrudge my siblings getting a share we are not that kind of family they would be so embarrassed to get something if I didn't I know they'd want to share but I wouldn't even want it because if the person didn't feel i deserved it when they were alive I don't want it when they're gone. It's honestly upset me that me and by extension my child are viewed as nothing. I know it's their money they can do what they want I think what stings is your siblings being mentioned BY NAME and you being spat on basically by a dead person!

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 04/12/2016 00:22

You accidentally found their will?

Yes, sure you did.

pinkyredrose · 04/12/2016 00:23

Well you sound a delight why exactly did you take a piece of paper? Maybe you shouldn't have been snooping.

Original poster

JustStoppingBy · 04/12/2016 00:30

Well it was a folded piece of A4 didn't exactly have top secret written over it. Sorry to all the saints out there don't let your halos choke you. Now unless you can swear on your children you wouldn't have at least looked maybe we can get the judgement over with and someone can admit that they wouldn't be upset if this was them?

OP posts:

loser102 · 04/12/2016 00:34

How awful for you! I would have definitely looked in all honesty and I think that's terrible that a person would consider leaving out one of three siblings!

stonecircle · 04/12/2016 00:37

Charming.

I think you might have got a slightly better response if you'd just said you found a draft of the will instead of expecting people to believe you took it accidentally.

Yes, I'd be upset and wonder why the relative liked my siblings but not me but there isn't really anything you can do about it. Anyway, you don't know if it's the final version do you?

SuburbanRhonda · 04/12/2016 00:45

So you took a piece of paper that didn't belong to you from a house where you were doing the cleaning and thereby found out you'd been left nothing in the will?

I think that's called karma, OP.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/12/2016 00:48

I'd be upset and not about the money.

Original poster

JustStoppingBy · 04/12/2016 00:49

I did actually say it was a draft but that's by the by and true I don't know it's the final version the person has changed it about 100 times depending on who they like at the time. That's kind of why I always refused to ever take any money for anything because I know they think people only come around for their money and I didn't want them saying that about me. Thank you Loser I just want to know I'm not crazy to be hurt by this and i expect lots of 'sure it's not about money you're jealous' but if it was only money I could laugh and say ha well I'll get some any way because I know my family would never keep it for them self. I just feel like now even though I'll still do what I was doing before and help where I can it will be super fake because I now know how they feel about me. In fairness I've never felt I lived up to their standards so it's just now it's there in black and white.
Also sorry I appreciate this is probably in the wrong place as even though it's kinda about relationships I meant to put it under AIBU

OP posts:

Original poster

JustStoppingBy · 04/12/2016 00:53

OK and the fact that Ive taken their junk a hundred times and usually it is just that but I always check cos the person is kind of a hoarder so before i dump it I make sure it is absolutely nothing they would miss or I will hear about it forever but this one time it happened to be important means I deserve to be ignored that way when the person is gone? I guess that's why they call karma a B then huh and it will come for us all....

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 04/12/2016 00:56

I know it's late on a Saturday but you can't seriously expect anyone to believe you took a draft of a will by accident.

Maybe the person doesn't like you? They have no obligation to leave you anything.

MargaretRiver · 04/12/2016 00:58

I think the person left it for you to find as some sort of test

whattodowiththepoo · 04/12/2016 01:02

None of your business.

Original poster

JustStoppingBy · 04/12/2016 01:07

Yeah I am a master criminal I picked their safe to find out if it's worth bumping them off now or not
Believe it or not im actually delightful in real life I know they have their favourites but to deliberately name 2 and not me even you have to say that would hurt no Rhonda? Even if they were just using me now (which is a distinct possibility) I'm not that hateful and the 3rd sibling they barely even know. I know and frankly as I say I find the person kind of horrid now so really don't want their money alive or dead I just wonder how people can be so hurtful. Internet please tell me why are people so hurtful!! It really is late on a Saturday

OP posts:

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 01:11

sorry op this does sound rather odd on your part tbh. i'd have to let it go and not over think it, margaret sadly you may well have a point.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/12/2016 01:13

Are you sure there aren't more pages leaving a vast, so far hidden, estate to you?

No...? Well I'd be rethinking just how much time & effort I put into sorting things out for them now. It's not about the money, it's about the fact that they're acknowledging people they barely know & ignoring someone who helps them out.

OTOH that might have been a day they were pissed off with you and now it's all in your name 😉

Bogeyface · 04/12/2016 01:26

The sort of person who thinks that others only want them for their money will probably assume that the reason you help out is so that they leave you something in their will.

So ironically, if you stop helping them out then they may actually leave you something as by leaving them to it, you are proving that you dont want their cash!

I would be more angry than hurt tbh. They are happy for you to clean up after them and run around after them but dont acknowledge that at all? Fuck that. Let them do their own bloody cleaning!

And no, for me it wouldnt be about the money. When my grandad died he left me a stack of books that in monetary value wouldnt even fetch £1 each on ebay. But I Ioved them, I still do. Once every few months we would go and buy another one, he would let me read it first and then he would read it. It meant so much that he had made sure I got the books that we had shared, money wouldnt have meant anywhere near as much.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 04/12/2016 01:33

If, as you say, they have changed their will 100 times depending on who they like at the time, it seems likely that they'll change it yet again. They may even be writing a new one as we speak. And if they are so changeable, there's not really any point in getting upset about this draft, is there? You might be the sole beneficiary in the next one.

I'd suggest you take it back to their house and quietly put it back where you found it, then dismiss it from your mind.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 05:14

YANBU, I would be hurt too. But at the end of the day they can do what they like with their money. Try to put it out of your mind.

AmeliaJack · 04/12/2016 05:23

You shouldn't have looked.

It might not be the final draft.

It might be a test.

Put it out of your mind and carry on as normal.

stonecircle · 04/12/2016 07:52

true I don't know it's the final version the person has changed it about 100 times depending on who they like at the time

If you know this then you could be reading version 52 out of 100. Presumably as a draft what you saw wasn't dated so could be years old? That means you still don't know what their current will says - or indeed what any future will might say.

Is it possible it might have been left deliberately where you could find it, knowing you would read it? As said upthread, for some sort of test to see how you react?

SuburbanRhonda · 04/12/2016 09:16

I find the person kind of horrid now so really don't want their money alive or dead

Would you change your mind about them if you accidentally "found" a more recent draft with you included?

springydaffs · 04/12/2016 09:53

The sort of person who thinks that others only want them for their money will probably assume that the reason you help out is so that they leave you something in their will.

This. S/he probably thinks you are helping out to ensure you're in the will.

Talking of projection, there's a lot going on on this thread.

springydaffs · 04/12/2016 09:53

Oops, repeated point.

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