Ok so for a little background - Been with my DH for 20 years, married for 14 and have two teenage kids. Things aren't always easy and he can be emotionally abusive at times without really realising it I think. (I've been known to sit in the shower crying because of something he's said.) We've had some great times but about two years ago something happened between him and our DS (who was 16 at the time) and it really opened my eyes to the sort of person he is and I didn't like what I discovered.
Any way, we had a big chat recently about what was wrong with our relationship, because it's been deteriorating slowly for two years and we really have nothing in common. We agreed to giving our relationship a go and see where we are in a years time. My issues were centred around his attitude, insensitive comments and what had happened two years earlier (I can't move on from it), his issues were around me not being affectionate with him, not enough sex and not doing anything together (he rejects all my suggestions and only offers up sporty suggestions, which I'm not in to). Now I've never been a tactile person, I'm not one for public displays of affection, never have been and he's known this for 20 years. So the idea of being more touchy feely with him is a hard one for me but I'm trying. I'd be happy with sex once a week wiith cuddling in between days but he can't cuddle without sex.
So to the issue here, he always expects sex every three days, that's when he starts to get angsty. He sulks if I'm not in the mood, ill or physically can't. He's even pulled the duvet off me in a strop before because I said I didn't want it. The most we have ever been without sex was after our DD was born, he waited a full two weeks before pushing me to start having sex again. So forward 15 years and he still gets all touchy feely every three days. In between days he goes to bed about 9, I like to go up a bit later as I'm a bit of a night owl but only about 10/10.30. Over the years we've been in a cycle of him feeling hurt if I say no and sulking, me feeling guilty if I don't feel like it or am ill. It's exhausting. However recently I'm struggling with this more than usual, we aren't doing so well and I don't always like the things he says, sex is very mental with me. If he says a shitty thing then I don't exactly feel like making love to him but he doesn't get it no matter how often I tell him, he just sees it as rejection. Says I don't fancy him and sulks. When he sulks he ignores me, gives me one word answers and makes me feel guilty as hell.
Surely every 3 days is a lot? Especially after 20 years together? Sorry didn't mean for this to be so long