Come to realise I am a nasty cow

[butterfly92]

To cut the story as short as I possibly can, my brother who used to never text me or talk to me to ask how I am is down today to see family with his girlfriend because they live about 90 miles away from here. My other brother and I was catching up with him while he was playing his game etc it was going so well but his girlfriend was upset because she had a big argument with someone then she said that she was going home and I told my brother he was not going anywhere because he is here to see his family and that he has not seen them for a long time. He got very angry with me and told me that I cannot and will not tell him what to do, then I said that his girlfriend always controls him to which he said no she fucking does not (quite angry at this point) basically. I just went crazy because I felt bad for him, I was (still am) worried he is unhappy but he has clearly stated he was not.

We kind of made up in the end, but then I come home and thought about it all and realise that actually, I had no right to "tell" him what to do the way I did. I did not mean to, but obviously it all got blown out of proportion. He was completely right and had every right to have ago at me.

I feel so fucking shit and just completely awful! I really cannot stop thinking now.... Hard when I have a baby to look after :( He is my brother and I love him but deep down, I was worried he was not happy but if he says he is then I have to respect that. I was bitching about his girlfriend as well even though she has done nothing but be nice to me. I have come to a realisation that I am just a horrible bitch to be honest.

He also came down to see my son who he has not seen yet (he is a month old). I am just feeling so low, sorry everyone this is a boring and ridiculous statement but I just wanted to get it out there at half 3 in the morning 😳😞

If I did this and told my best friend the sorry tale, she would sympathetically call me a MAD COW and the two of us would break into hysterical laughter.

Give your head a break lady.

Listen, you have a young baby and are probably not getting a lot of sleep which can make us all a bit unreasonable at times.

Yes your behaviour wasn't great but it came from a place of concern for your brother and I'm sure he will see that.

It is very easy to overthink things in the early hours when you are sleep deprived so put it down as a mistake that we can all make, forgive yourself and be a bit more hesitant when expressing your opinions in future.

Wrt your brother, I would leave it for a while and if you are still concerned then try to see him without his girlfriend at some point so you can express your concern without putting him in a difficult position.

Was there drink involved??

I think you've acted very badly. Absolutely wrong for you to go crazy and be a bitch.

In a few hours (early morning) text them both and tell them how sorry you are. You've been thinking about it all night and you were wrong to say those things. That you love him and like his girlfriend a lot. That you overreacted when they wanted to go because you miss him but it all came out wrong'

Then arrange to go visit him in his house? All hang out for the day to ensure the air is clear. Maybe take them out for coffee and cake?

We've all said and done things that we regret.

The way to sort it out is with an apology and to make sure not to repeat the behaviour, otherwise the apology is fairly meaningless.

Hopefully when the dust has settled you and your brother can clear the air.

OP I disagree with Felafels. Wasn't going to bother answering, but then didn't want you to feel like you have "acted badly...and gone crazy and been a bitch".

All you did was let your brother know you wanted him to stay when that was what he had planned. It is perfectly possible that your brother's girlfriend was being selfish and controlling, just telling him she was leaving rather than checking what he wanted to do. If she is controlling, he will be the last person to admit it.

Of course, it is also possible tat you were overreacting yourself, but you have a 1 month old baby, whom your brother hadn't seen yet! Of course you might not be at your most rational.

Clear the air with your brother, just say sorry I was tired with baby. Tell him you didn't mean to upset him

Then move on quickly. Don't let it occupy any space in your head after than.

Are you the same poster who had a thread a while back about having a massive row with your brother and his girlfriend in your mums house while you were pregnant?

Send an email. You can think about what you want to say, change it a bit, and send when you are ready.
Don't write yourself off as a crazy bitch.

Just say you are a bit over emotional with lack of sleep and baby hormones, and with you had expressed yourself better. That you were so looking forward to seeing him, and let your disappointment make you angry. That you are sorry you upset him and his girlfriend. That you want him to be happy, and make his own choices, and will try very hard not to boss him about and tell him what to do. But that you might slip up sometimes and you hope he'll forgive you.

I can't believe any adults behave like this. You sound like 16 year olds.
Grow up and stop creating dramas.

The girlfriend was bloody selfish imo and I can understand why it annoyed you. Wouldn't have killed her to wait a few hours since they'd done a 3hour round trip to come and see you and his new nephew!

My mother is a very controlling person but thinks all her dils try to control her precious sons. She really does believe it and works herself up with the concern, the rest of us are bemused and can't work out how she can't see that it is her. She is not often overt in her control, she wouldn't stand up and say do it my way or else. She is constantly fussing in the background, correcting how people sit or use a knife and fork, commenting, giving unasked advice, sulking. She wouldn't see how her gasping because I order pizza instead of salad, or exclaiming about all the sugar in the pickle as someone takes the first bite of a sandwich as controlling. She is being helpful when she reads out a menu and tells people what they may like. She is concerned when she comments on how often someone has gone to the toilet. She loves her sons and that's why she constantly judges her dils behaviour. I'm have no idea if you are generally a controlling person but it's always worth analysing ourselves when we start to see faults in others.

Telling someone that they're not going anywhere is in itself controlling. Getting yourself concerned about someones elese relationship can also have elements of control in it. Whatever the reality of their relationship, and you will never really know, you do need to apologise for that. As you recognise it's not your place to tell him anything.

I think it's one of those times where you need to apologise for your actions, don't try to justify it. Please don't go on about how it was out of concern, hormones, or anything like that. Sorry I was a jerk, i understand if youre angry with me and move on