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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Longing for the end

15 replies

user1478507595 · 02/12/2016 23:41

I am trapped in a very unhappy marriage and have been for many years.I have no friends and an unsupportive family who live miles away.I don't work because I suffer from severe depression.
So I am very isolated and I am not sure I can take much more of my abusive husband who shouts and screams at me daily over minor things.I can see no way out and just a really grim future.I don't know why I am writing this really.
I often wish a car would just come and knock me over or I could be hit off my bike by some mad driver.I can see no way out other than death.
Sorry to sound so helpless.Being with an abusive partner grinds you down until eventually you become like an empty shell.
I can't believe my life has ended up this way.I wish I could pluck up courage to jump into a fast flowing river
How do other trapped woman find the strength to carry on I wonder?I imagine they have a good circle of supportive friends.

OP posts:
Suburbopolis · 02/12/2016 23:46

I walked away know that whatever came next could not possibly be any worse.

Go to a refuge.

SortAllTheThings · 02/12/2016 23:49

There is a way out, there really is. One step at a time, you'll get there.

You've posted here. That's a start. Flowers

Doublemint · 02/12/2016 23:51

Your life hasn't ended. It's up to you to see what happens next.

Tiredbutnotyetretired · 02/12/2016 23:52

Walk away, its hard at first but it slowly gets easier with the right support. Start reaching out.
I would start by phoning samaratins if you feel you are going to do something dangerous to yourself x

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 02/12/2016 23:56

Please get help. The Samaritans or Women's Aid. There is help out there you just need to reach out and ask. No one deserves to be treated the way you are.

Original poster
user1478507595 · 03/12/2016 00:20

I'm going to bed now.Thanks for your replies.
I feel embarrassed about what I have revealed about myself but I feel better for having written it down.
I imagine everyone else having happy, successful lives and it feels shameful to have a crap one.I feel so much like a sad loser.It is hard to make changes when you feel all alone and hated though.

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 03/12/2016 07:43

Please don't be embarrassed / you need support. You are not alone - many people are in abusive relationships and need help - it can seem like you are the only one but that is so far from the truth. Not everyone out there is enjoying a happy life they're really not.
I hope you can find the strength to reach out for help and take those first tentative steps towards changing things.
You too can have an amazing life.

jeaux90 · 03/12/2016 09:48

OP many of us have been there and found a way out. You can too. The feeling of freedom when you do will amaze you and can get you through those first few difficult months of doubt about whether you did the right thing etc. Please leave. This is your life xxx

CatBallou2 · 03/12/2016 11:36

Please don't carryon living with this man. He has no right to treat you so badly. Your life is yours to live as fully and happily as you can, not his to control and damage.

Call Women's Aid, at least to get some advice and reassurance for yourself. You must look after yourself. Tell your GP what you're coping with and they'll be able to help.

Cricrichan · 03/12/2016 11:50

Please get out. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. You sound like a lovely person and once you're away from him you can build yourself a great life with lovely friends.

Chops2016 · 03/12/2016 12:55

Do you have children with your husband? Why do you feel trapped?

Definitely go to your GP and ask for antidepressants and/or counselling. This can help you get out of a rut and gain enough strength to make bigger changes (feel the confidence to 'socialise' more, develop a better support network, and leave your husband).

When I went through depression I fantasised about ending it all so I understand how lonely it is and how difficult it is to talk about. I had zero motivation or confidence, but antidepressants helped me get well enough to make more changes for the better.

If your husband fuels your feeling of self hatred and harms your confidence you need to leave. He will only hinder your recovery. But take one step at a time, try to stop caring what he thinks and focus on yourself. Why should you care what he thinks when he doesnt seem to care how you feel?

It may not seem like it now but things can and will get better, but in order for it to happen you must make changes to facilitate recovery. The first step is seeing your GP.

I hope you can find the strength to make that first step. Chin up, you aren't alone xx

springydaffs · 03/12/2016 16:20

There are people, organisations, out there who specifically support women in your precise situation. Happily, they have the resources and clout to really make a difference. You are not the first and you won't be the last to be in a situation like this, I can promise you that. There are hoards of us.

First off, contact Women's Aid. 0808 32000 247.

springydaffs · 03/12/2016 16:25

Sorry, phone being silly. The number is 0808 2000 247. Try to call at night bcs the phonelines are quieter then. I will post the link for your local Women's Aid when I get home.

One of the things they will recommend is you do the Freedom Programme. Do Google it to find a course near you (DON'T FORGET to delete your browsing history).

There are so many women who have been in your situation and now we're out and free - when we never thought of would be possible. You don't have to die to get out - contact the experts and get the ball rolling Flowers

springydaffs · 03/12/2016 16:30

They know how hard it is to leave. They know what abusers do to us, how we are ground into the dust - they know how to sensitively support xxx

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