Hi all,
This is my first time posting on here but can see from the threads how supporting this community is..thanks to all that contribute and make it easier..hence giving me the courage to write on here.
I wanted to get some advice on behalf of my best friend..more like a sister to me. She's been married now coming up to 1 year and been in a relationship prior to that 1.5 years. Her relationship before marriage wasn't amazing but it was making her happy. He was concerned about making her happy and making memories with her to some extent. After marriage it was the same for a couple of months..and while she was living at her in laws she did feel some sort of support..especially as the day after marriage there was some issues with someone her family invited to the wedding and he kicked off..causing a massive blown argument with her husband her and her mum. She didn't speak to her family for a few months and that killed her so she made amends..but him and his family wasn't entirely happy. Fast forward they moved into their own property to which he had owned previously. During this time uptill recently he always made excuses to go to family functions with her and didn't really wanna go out..was out quite a lot himself but with friends who weren't right in the sense of drugs..but wasn't out all the time..didn't wanna go out and make memories or spend time with her family..she's a very family oriented person and this hurt her..especially as he would disrespect her own family in front of her..she had enough and told him she wasn't happy a few months back but he didn't take it seriously and now she said it again but taking acting and saying she's going back to her mums..since then he's been very affectionate and when she had the talk with her he pulled out the 'this happens to me' card and said she's ruined his life and she doesn't love him and she gave up and he's fighting for it..I don't know if that's classed as emotional blackmail but he's always saying stuff like that and feels sorry for himself and then she gets dragged back into it and gets confused..since this time she's said it he's offered to go to family functions with her and made effort to make plans for Christmas and go out..that he wouldn't do before and even she admitted that..she's asking for guidance to see weather this is a toxic place that she won't be able to save..there's approx 10 years age gap between them with her in her mid 20's so him and his family have always seen her as a kid. She's not happy and said she isn't but he's made her feel bad for wanting to leave..her thought process is if it doesn't work nows the best time to end it as they don't have any kids and he is obviously coming to that age in his life where he's near 40 and with no kids so wants one..she also feels as if this is his personality can he ever change? He was previously involved in drugs and stopped but then started..when she put the ultimatum on him he said he'll leave it but when things get hard again will he go back for a easy release? He's always been controlling in some ways and whilst I have said all this he did used to make her happy and had recently since saying everything started trying again..but her feelings have changed because of the way he was. He has good qualities about him such as he will always be there if she needs him and has put a roof over her head etc..does clean and cook but emotionally isn't on the same level as what she's wanted and expected. Any help or experience would be appreciated. Even if people have stories of it working out would help.
She's very confused but knows her futures on the line here and is finding the strength hard. Apologies for the long post..thanks in advance to anyone :)