I suppose this is just to share... *long*

[PushTheFeelingOn]

and to see whether others have had the same experience.

I feel it will be cathartic. A few of you will remember my story, obviously I've namechanged for this as I don't want it to be identifying. However, there were a few people on my original thread that were convinced I was a troll because of some weird details that were misunderstood at the time - I had had a massive shock and wasn't really able to articulate very well. Please don't do that here, report me if you think I'm a troll and MN will tell you I''m not.

Just over 6 months ago, in the middle of the day on a Friday, I was watching tv and I had made a coffee which I took out to the shed so I could have a cigarette while I was filling in my passport application. DP and I had decided to go on our first foreign holiday since we got together, we've had a fair amount of crap over the last few years, redundancy, unemployment, issues with dc etc, normal stuff, but we were finally getting to a position where we might be able to start saving. So I was really excited and looking forward.

The dog was sniffing about in the garden with me when suddenly he went a bit crazy, barking etc, I grabbed him and took him into the house.

As we opened the back door, there were 4 plain clothes police in my living room. The guy in charge asked me to put the dog away and told me that they had my DP in custody and had a warrant to search my house.

Over the course of the next couple of hours, they searched every part of my house, my shed, my loft, and took all computer equipment, and devices that could connect to the internet - all pen drives, even my dd's camera.

Throughout the process, they wouldn't tell me what they were holding my DP for, how long they'd had him in custody, anything at all. Data protection issue, he can tell me if he wants to, if and when he's released.

I had sorted out 24 Hours in Police Custody to watch when I came back on and it was paused on the telly. While they were packing all my stuff away, one of the female officers said to me - 'we can see what you're watching - you seem pretty switched on. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out why we're taking these items.'

I was absolutely distraught. He was released on bail about 8 hours later and I went to meet him. He had been accused of sexual offences against a child, and it was something to do with a Skype conversation (text), 4 lines that was him having a conversation with a paedophile about what kind of girls he liked. He doesn't have Skype, and at least has never had it in the 5 years I've known him.

It was such a traumatic and awful situation. He was not allowed to live here until the case was investigated, he had to get digs in town and we have had to live apart. He wasn't allowed any unsupervised contact with any children under the age of 18, including his own, and mine. Obviously social services got involved, I had to have interviews and visits and wait for the outcome of those.
Add to that the deep emotional distress that has been attached to this - I am terrified police will come into my living room at any minute, the things they asked me when they interviewed me about him - I always believed that he was innocent, of course, or I wouldn't still be here. But I've never had any kind of police involvement with anything, or social services, so all that was new to me and I had no idea how to deal with it.

He was on bail for 6 months, and last week, 2 days before he had to report to the police station to hear about his bail, he had a phone call to say that he wasn't involved in the investigation, there was nothing found on any of the devices including the router and it was all over.

And that's it, we're just expected to fall back into normal life and carry on as before. Emotionally, that's fine because I have supported him fully throughout this, and we are definitely stronger as a couple for it.

There was no support. We couldn't talk about it to anyone apart from each other really, we had to pay two lots of rent where we had already been struggling to pay one. It's been really fucking hard, and I will never forget it as long as I live.

I just wanted to share. It's probably going to read really disjointed, but I needed it down somewhere so I can put it away. I hope that makes sense.

That sounds horrendous especially because of the outcome. Maybe speak to victim support our the police commission to see if someone can help you, I'm sure someone who knows about this will be able to help much better than me.

Did he get the call and relay it to you, If cleared of all charges against him ask for it in writing. Not a telephone call.

Check with SS thst he is in fact allowed to move back in as they can do thier own case on this and refuse to do this. Again get this in writing. Not a phone call.

I remember your first thread. Shocking that you've had such an upheaval for no reason. Would you consider counselling? for you.

Thank you 6demandingchildren I don't feel like I can go to victim support, I wasn't the victim to be fair. I will never know how he really felt through all this either I suppose.

Yourarejokingme he was never charged with anything. I was with him when he took the call and I also spoke to the solicitor. Social services signed me off long ago but I also called them and clarified the situation. One of my worries was that because they told him 2 days before his bail date, that the bail conditions might still stand until that day, but the solicitor said that there are no bail conditions to answer now as it's been proved he isn't involved.

AgentProvocateur do you think counselling would help? I don't mean to sound such a delicate little flower, I'm really not, but I need to deal with this because it hit me so hard, it was a shock.

And thank you for the

This is the sort of thing Cliff Richard was complaining about so bitterly and his was made into headline news, too.

I'm so sorry this happened. The police have a duty to investigate but they need to be far more sensitive. I guess they get hard by some of the sick bastards they deal with but you deserve a full apology and explanation.

If you think you've been mistreated consider a complaint.

I don't know. I've never had counselling, but then again I've never had anything so traumatic happen to me. It's got to be worth a try.

Matilda I assumed Cliff Richard was guilty. Because that's how I thought then - no smoke without fire, and all that. Unfortunately this is the one crime where you are not innocent until proven guilty.
The police were just doing their job, I bear them no malice at all really. If he had been guilty... can't blame them for doing their job properly. Certainly there was no mistreatment. Although when he was arrested, they had asked him to come to the police station 'to help them with a crime that they thought he might have witnessed' - and then as soon as he arrived he was arrested. Not sure that's kosher tbh!

I haven't either Agent - I sometimes think that if I did, I may never leave

I really hope you can get back to where you were, just look at it from a different angle of your child was involved and someone blamed Mr or Mrs x you would want it investigated .
I just really feel for you all but at least you know the truth x

Exactly what I said. I want them to investigate any possibility, it's just really hard. I cannot imagine what it must be like for people whose husbands are guilty.

How absolutely awful for you both. I think you should consider counselling. Thats a terrible ordeal to go through.

This seems to be happening a lot. A similar thing has just happened to someone i know.

On theyre bail date they received a phonecall saying they didnt have to go which they have been advised basically means thats it theyre is no case.

For months they have been kept away from their family. In the small community they live everyone is talking about it.

No advice but you have my sympathies. It must be tough.

Yes you need some counselling, it sounds like you could have PTSD type symptoms - that is a hugely traumatic thing to go through. You are having your instincts that he was a good guy trampled over, implied that you've put your DC at risk etc. etc.

Must have been so awful and I do vaguely remember your original post

That's one of the other things, that you're absolutely terrified someone might find out. Work for example. The children. We had to make up some ridiculous excuse as to why he wasn't sleeping here for a while. Someone from social services contacted my son's school and told them, and I was so worried that someone might gossip.

I remember your original thread. I agree with PPs that counselling might help. Or perhaps there may be support groups for people wrongly accused which could also be of use?

Do you know how this arose in the first place? Did someone give his name to the police, or was it some sort of technological identity theft/hijack?

They wouldn't really tell him anything. Said it was part of a large investigation in another part of the country. That led me to believe that his email had been hacked originally, but when he went to collect all the electronics last week, they said it was someone using our IP address. I didn't know that was possible.

He will never find out how he was implicated.

So I guess that they are building a case against someone and have to look at everyone they have spoken with. I'm only guessing though, it's doubtful that either of us will ever know.