Historical abuse

[Wonderingwhattodonow]

Wasn't sure where to put this..

Has anyone been through reporting historical sexual abuse as an adult? Can anyone talk me through what might happen? And whether I can do it anonymously?

Do you feel glad you eventually spoke up or has it split your family?

Hi. I spoke to my family but my abuser wasn't a family member. I also talked to a safe guarding team who my doctor refered me to. I decided not to go to the police but instead the safe guarding team did inform the police on my behalf in case there were related claims.
Sorry I can't be of much more help.

No if it goes to court you have to be named

You will be behind a screen for evidence.

You can go to police of course in case there is red flags and he or she has previous of course.

I know of one case and he got 10years but all victims had to go to court and be named on the petition. He couldn't approach them of course but his damn girlfriend did. (That's another story) all kids when it happened, roughly 12-15 years ago.

Hello there, I've just seen your post will just sort kids xxx

Yes I did but it didn't go past the statement to police stage. Part of me is relieved it's at least on record now, part of me angry that he still gets away with it although I knew the conviction stats before I went so wasn't surprised.

You can do it anon although if it gets to court then that goes out the window. It's a tough decision to make but in the end I'm glad I did. I kept thinking 'what if he did/is doing it to m others and I didn't speak up. Not that it was my fault in any way but being so powerless for so long it was something I could do, if that makes sense? If you do decide to do it make sure you have a good trauma psych line up as it can be very traumatic to relive it all again.

I was sexually abused by our family GP for over a decade. My mother knew, and said I was lucky because he was gorgeous. She did nothing to stop it, and flirted with him at every meeting, and tried to have an affair with him, and until I stopped talking to her a few years ago would refer to it all as if it were an exciting and fun piece of gossip. Yeah. Right.

I am now 54: I reported him to the police about three years ago and they were brilliant: so kind and compassionate and very careful to do everything at a pace I could cope with.

I had an initial meeting with them, in which we discussed the outline of what had happened; then I gave a three-hour video interview. I named other victims, and one of them also gave a long video interview. Then the police went to arrest him, and found that he'd very recently died, the bastard. So that was that.

If he'd been alive he would have been taken to the police station and questioned. They told me he might not make it to court, as he would have been very elderly; but even if the CPS felt court wasn't appropriate, he would have been pressed to accept a caution which (I think) would have placed him on the sexual offender list, which would have been good.

You can't do this anonymously and if it does go to court it would be prosecuted under the laws in force at the time of the abuse, which reduces the sentences which can be given. But you don't have to go to court, necessarily, as your video statement will be used instead of giving evidence.

If your abuser is a member of your family then yes, reporting them to the police does have the potential to split your family. But since my parents were out of my life (over three years now) I've found everything a lot, lot better. It might not be the negative you're worried it could be.

My only regrets are that I didn't report him to the police sooner, so he could have faced justice before he died; and that I put up with my parents' abusive nastiness for so very, very long.

Speak to NAPAC.

I'm so sorry OntheRise that it happened to you too. That's one thing I didn't realise when I reported, that charging and prosecuting would be according to the laws of the time. In my case this meant they couldn't do anything as the laws were different back then.

Thank you so much for your replies.

Unicorns and Ontherise, I'm so sorry it happened to you too. I still have a reasonable relationship with my parents but the abuser is a member of the extended family (married to a close family member) and still around when I can face going to visit them. I'm concerned about how my parents will react. I think they will be very sad for me and his other victims (my siblings) but also feel for his wife. My abuser has grandchildren, who I presume he has access to. I'm so confused about what to do, anxious about raking it all up again, but in truth it's never gone away. I think NAPAC is a good suggestion so will get in touch.

Thank you, Unicorns and Wondering. It was liberating and helpful reporting the abuse to the police, who were very good at dealing with it. Their horror at the details helped me too, for almost the first time I felt justified in being so upset about it. It did rake it all up again, just as you're worried it would for you: but actually dealing with it all like that really made me feel better about stuff. The therapy my GP organised for me was very helpful too.

My concern with your situation, Wondering, is that the person who abused you now has access to other small children. If you report him now, they should then be protected from him. Which would be very good indeed.

My family haven't been supportive. My parents are very dysfunctional anyway, and had stopped speaking to me before I reported him to the police. I wonder if it was having distance from them which enabled me to go to the police. I emailed them a few months ago asking why on earth they didn't ever put a stop to what he was doing and they didn't respond. But again, sending the email was helpful: I felt as though I'd passed the problem on to them. It might be that you don't feel the same release that I have by reporting, telling, and talking: but from what I gather, it's a reasonably common reaction. I wish you well, and hope you find a path through which helps you.