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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Helping my cousin help her friend in domestic violence sitaution

1 reply

DontKnowHowToHelpThem · 02/12/2016 12:51

This is very long, and made more complicated by the fact it's a third hand account but I don't know where else to get advice as it's complicated.

My cousin lives in Dubai and has a friend who recently disclosed that her boyfriend was abusive. He has been increasingly violent to the friend, and has inflicted a broken finger, broken tooth, black eyes and head injuries at various times. My cousin was horrified and encouraged her friend to leave him and they planned a day they could pick up her things from the flat that friend and boyfriend shared.

The friend changed her mind at the last minute but my cousin continued to support her and see her, especially mindful of the fact that friend didn't have many other friends in Dubai and had left her family back in America. The boyfriend also goes through the friend's phone so she was increasingly isolated.

On Wednesday, all three of them went out to a bar with some of boyfriend's friends. My cousin was previously friends with the boyfriend and found it difficult to act normal but did so as she didn't want to not see her friend. The couple had an argument and my friend and cousin slipped away, driving back to the flat that friend and boyfriend shared. They started packing some things but then the boyfriend turned up at the door, demanding to be let in.

Cousin and friend were terrified and locked themselves in the bathroom. He broke down the front door and then broke down the bathroom door. It didn't turn violent but he kept telling my cousin to leave so he could deal with friend. Cousin refused to leave her alone and friend kept pleading to be allowed to take some things away with her. Eventually they left the flat and were outside, where there was a security guard. The boyfriend brought down a suitcase and gave it to the friend but when they looked inside, there were some shoes and he'd completely cleared out her wallet so she didn't have any money or cards or passport.

My cousin tried to get her friend to leave but the friend was insistent that she go back in to the flat and get her documents. Cousin pleaded with her not to but she went anyway Sad

Cousin waited for her friend to return but she didn't. She told the security guard what had happened but he said it wasn't his business and there was nothing he could do. She eventually persuaded him to knock on the door and check everything was ok but the boyfriend answered and said everything was fine, so the guard said there was nothing else to be done.

My cousin didn't know what to do and so left. She's been calling but it's not being connected. She whatsapped friend but it didn't deliver the message. She doesn't want to call the police because they will arrest her friend for cohabitation before marriage.

She's desperately worried and doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to advise either - if she was here I'd say police/Women's Aid but I have no idea about the legal repercussions about Dubai, other than the laws are not in women's favour.

All I've suggested is that she calls her friend's work place after the weekend but that is on Sunday, and it is so far away. I'm at a loss as what to do and am really worried that she's in trouble. My cousin wants to go around and knock on the door but isn't hopeful she'll be let in.

I'd really appreciate any advice about what to do because I just don't know.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 02/12/2016 13:13

The friend is a US citizen? Go to the embassy or consulate for help.

dubai.usconsulate.gov

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