A bit of background, been together 13 years in total, have a young son of 7. We split 4 years ago for just over a year due to his bad behaviour, which was basically not going to work, letting me pay most of the bills (I work full time), food shopping, cheating on me with a prostitute, messaging an ex etc.. When I got back with him I had truly left the past behind me & I was very happy when we married earlier this year.
Less than 3 months after we got married he had a sort of breakdown, basically he asked his wealthy father to give him is inheritance early (£800K to buy a house), his Dad quite rightly in my opinion told him no, he has a history of giving up work & sitting on his backside for months on end. He gets depressed, I get that but I have tried so many times to get him to the Doctor & I really believe he should have some counselling, but you can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves.
In August he shut up his business, which was doing really well, sold his van/car, packed up his things & walked out on me, saying that basically I have ruined his dream of owning a house & that behind every successful man there is a good strong woman giving him support, what he means is that because I work full time, out of the house at 7am & back by 7.30pm, he doesn’t get a home cooked meal & it makes him suffer as he has to eat rubbish! I was so devastated when he left that I was signed off work for a month with stress.
Also, I got myself in debt years ago when I was struggling to pay the bills pre-break up when he wasn’t working etc.. I have an IVA which has about a year & a half left to run, so he was saying because of this we can’t get a mortgage, I must add that he doesn’t have a penny of savings to his name (neither do I) so I’m not quite sure how we would have managed it anyway. I want to stress that the debt I got myself into I have always taken full responsibility for & I am paying back on my own.
Anyway, he came home, he has since cut his Dad out of his life, & now just basically sits round the house all day with the odd bit of work for a friend here & there. I do all the housework, washing, ironing, cooking, shopping, taking care of our boy. I have been bullied emotionally as well as physically & called stupid on many occasions. When he gets into one of his moods he rants & rants at me sometimes for hours on end, until I literally break down & cry myself into a stupor or I get angry, when I get to this state he laughs & me & sometimes actually films me on his phone, telling me I need help. I have started to go out with my work mates again 2/3 times a month, now I’m being accused of lying where I am or having an affair as we’re not having sex anymore, I am also apparently an alcoholic! Never drink at home but drinking up to 3 times a month makes you an addict! There is so much more that I could go on & on.
I’m just after a bit of support really, I don’t have anyone to talk to about all this. I feel like I hate him now, I know he’s depressed & it makes me feel bad that I can’t help him, but actually I don’t want to help him anymore. I said the vows for better or worse but I am actually sick to death of him. I have given him so many chances over the years, he’s hurt me so much over the last 3 months I have nothing left to give. Thanks for reading, sorry it’s so long!