'She's just not that into you'

[mrsdigestives]

Just thinking about the book/film 'he's just not that into you'

Do we think men would spend time/money reading a book like this about how/why women weren't into them and how to tell??

No. They are on pick up artist websites instead.

Seriously, those sites get a huge amount of traffic. So men have their own ways of analysing and obsessing, but it doesn't tend to be over whether we want a future with them - more how to get us to sleep with them.

Some guys know that you're not that into them and they don't care...

Speaking as a male, I think I've got more from reading MN than any book, could offer.
In answer to your question OP, no they don't & most don't go chasing down closed corridors.

In summary, what have you learned Naze ?

TheNaze - you're male....

TheNaze, that's not always true - some men do chase for a long time (or wait if someone's not available) IF they really like her/in love.

BUT unlike women who wait or chase, men get more success ratio with this, because women's sexual desire for someone can increase/appear over time (if he's being consistently interested) whereas if a man doesn't fancy someone there's pretty much no chance that he will ever do.

*rate

In truth Anyfucker & I'm not blowing smoke up your backside but, I kind of agree with 95% of what you say & admire your honesty.
Bigger picture to that, I've learnt in the last year, not to over complicate things, tell the 100% truth however hard the bad news may be, when a female is asking for help, she doesn't always want answers & generally to be a nicer person.

I suppose the biggest single change, is probably to be more respectful in all relationships. I think my own experiences over the last 40 something years had also skewed my views on relationships. Whenever I fell for someone hard, when I was younger, I ended up doing all the chasing & vowed never to do that again. Show next to zero interest in a relationship & the opposite happens. I think I had been unfortunate with how things had happened previously & that generally I had been unlucky. Through reading insightful & interesting posts, there's definitely a happy medium to be struck & ive bought that to the table with who I'm with now. Kind of agree & disagree on your point PGTips I think men know when they've met the one they want, so will wait & even be in other relationships until they become avaliable. However, if a man (can only speak for myself & friends) thought they had zero chance, they wouldn't even bother. That's not to say they think someone is out of their league, just no chance of a relationship or FWB type relationship.

Thanks for asking AF & sorry to have hijacked your thread OP.

Thanks for answering, Naze. I find it interesting to see what people get from MN. Generally, it is seen as a positive place. I have learned loads too.

no they don't & most don't go chasing down closed corridors

But how closed is any corridor - completely? ajar? and how will you know without running down it?

Some guys like the chase for the sake of it. And a woman who isn't interested is more of a challenge than one who is. I've seen guys go for women just to see if they can get them interested and then lose interest when they can. I've done the same myself.

I suppose it's intuition or gut instinct, something along those lines. You can just tell when someone isn't interested in any wave, shape or form. So shit door completely.
Think you're right about the chase per se. I don't think anyone would chase though if there was zero chance

It's interesting to get different views and thanks thenaze for the male perspective. I'd like to find someone where its straightforward, that I like him and he likes me, but my (fairly limited) dating experience in the past few years has been
He seems keen and I am keen back = he disappears
I'm less keen on him = can't get rid of him

It makes me think that if I meet someone I like I need to appear less keen than I actually am but I don't want to, I don't want to play games. All of this made me think about mens experiences of it all

And I think the last paragraph of your last post OP, appears to be true of both sexes

Avoid the game players. If you are keen - let them know. if they are not keen too you can move on more quickly. Game playing wastes time.

I think any element of game playing is a massive turn off, I wouldn't want to be with anyone who found it exciting either

IHe seems keen and I am keen back = he disappears
I'm less keen on him = can't get rid of him

Story of my life! 1) more than 2) but still, I'm single, almost always as a result.

I think I'm afraid that if I'm 'rude' as I see it to a man I like by not bothering to think of him/text him, then he'll go off me. But like you say, men actually feel turned off by their own feelings being reciprocated?!

I met a guy i really liked last night and he said he'd call, and as we said goodnight, i felt it was 'obvious' that he would but now I am thinking that the momentum goes and I may not hear from him again so here I go again, trying to forget I ever met him, which is a shame really, as he was nice. I haven't looked at my phone all evening. Because although I do want him to contact me, I'm sick of years and years of hoping for stuff that didn't happen.

You could call him.

smalltowntwirl he's probably waiting a little while so as not to seem too keen!

I'm going to try to stick to a no game playing policy from now onwards and just risk seeming keen, like you say rememberthetime it weeds them out. Its a really tricky balance though, at the beginning. I suppose perhaps the answer is just to be yourself and if it's going to stick then it will

My experience is that if you have to resort to those kinds of games then it's already a no goer. In a relationship where both of you feel strongly and things are on an equal playing field, neither of you can help jumping in. Think about it: if you really really like someone it is almost impossible to completely hide your feelings right? You want to contact them. You want to see them. Well it's the same for them too.

Yes according to some, playing cool might "win" the presence of the man in your life but he'll be more likely to be an avoidant type. If you are straight and scare of avoidants then good, in the long run, although it feels hard at the time.

Scare off i mean

I think the phenomenon definitely exists both ways round though. I was with a man I was 'just not that into' for 12 years. I wish we had both read the book and taken heed of it!