homeless jobless male wanting a date....

[Veganmeredith]

living on my narrowboat as a single independent mother of 3 for the past 11 months, I have friended a male (looks a little like ross off Emmerdale) he is 3 years younger than me. We met in the summer when I was struggling with a little boat maintenance he helped out and we had a coffee and a laugh. I must admit I was a little omg hes a bit of alright! He plays various instruments,sings and is a great character, kind and clever and I hoped he was a fellow boat dweller. However as the months have gone bye hes opened up to me about his past. and well his cridentials are well zero! I'm not materialistic but do I really want a homeless ex junkie around?
Hes very free spirited but how can you separate a free spirit from a free loader?
Ive met a few of his friends and they all seem great... my kind of people. He came to today with a living Christmas tree for me and I hid from him so he left a note saying, I would like to see how long we can grow together all of us merry Christmas. jack xxx

I wouldn't go near this bloke.

I'd be of the view that he sees you as stability too. Steer clear. If he manages to sort out his own housing you could look at it. As things stand? No.

I would never deal with an ex junkie

What are his future plans? Is he trying to get a permanent house and job? Or is he happy drifting?

Yes two goats. He has plans to move in with the op!

Free sprits are generally very selfish people. They have to be to live the way they do.

I know a female free spirit/hippy. Same situation really although she has money. She's successfully managed to not work a day in her life and has money and houses from inheritance. Spends half her year naval gazing on retreats and in art therapy and the other half generally floating around not doing much.

She's one of the most selfish people I know although on the face of it she's a lovely open aware person.

What's the harm though? It might not be your lifestyle choice, and it wouldn't be mine, by who's she actually hurting? There's more than one way to live your life and if they're not putting anyone else out then I say good luck to anyone who decided to live outside the mainstream rat race.

Not with dcs, no, I wouldn't let him near.

No way - addictive personality, unsettled, creative, aimless, homeless, floating through life - No way.

The note mentioning your kids would really piss me off, especially as he's never met them. It's just not appropriate. You're not even dating and he's basically saying "Make me part of your family!"

If you take him on, be very clear with yourself that you are committing to looking after him, so effectively agreeing to add another child to your parenting. He is never going to look after you or have your back or be dependable in a crisis.

A FWB arrangement might work okay but I wouldn't let him meet your DC.

My mother did this. It didn't work out well for her or us (her children). Very unsettled and chaotic.

I think your instinct to hide from him tells you something.

Be careful love. I'm a boater and I was on my own on my NB before I met DP (also a boater. Now live together on his pair with our baby and a lurcher). It is a close knit community - but that doesn't mean all the community is savoury, and just because this guy is known .... I wouldn't say it was a massive plus.

Your boat (as well as you!!!) makes you v attractive to men who love the idea of our lifestyle. Sadly boats are pretty easy to steal from partners in a way that houses aren't...

You'll meet a lot of men on the water who want to "help you". Sadly not all of them have good intentions.

My advice is - you're not yet a year into boat life. Enjoy some more time with your babies and your boat - and revel in your independence which on the water is so complete.

I actually run a support group for parents on the water. We meet monthly. Let me know if you want to meet us!

How lovely MoreBushThanMoss Makes me want to live on the water!! I am so jealous.

Antique

I'm dead fortunate ... It's not an easy life in the contemporary sense of the word (no fixed abode, not much living space, few electrical appliances, limited hot water, chemical toilet, ENDLESS cleaning) BUT what you do get (in my case an accidental but entirely magical family situation, and-) great community, lots of outdoors and the freedom to "move house" whenever you feel like ... It's so worth it. If you're curious about the lifestyle .... Have a dabble with a narrowboat holiday!

Yes, Moss I think I will look into that next year, maybe Easter! Looking at some in the Brecons national park now!

He's got 3 red flags (as greypaw says):

Ex-Addict
Homeless
Jobless

And sadly not a great example for your DCs to look up to.
Leopards don't change their spots and personally I would just keep him as a friend.