Help

[WillsF]

Hi all,

Please bear with me, i'm a newbie and I think the easiest way here is just to lay it all on the line. I'm currently in a relationship, have been for a long time. I'm a traditional girl at heart, and possibly completely overly romantic and naive?
My relationship is not healthy, I think that is the easiest way to phrase it. My partner never hits me but he has been abusive by pushing, kicking and forcing himself on me sexually. I'm broken. He has had a very difficult life and I'm concerned he is mentally ill and when I have tried to leave he tells me i'm all he has, and because he shuts other people out that is getting close to the truth. I have spent the last year trying to go and spent a fortune on lawyers letters that I never give him. We have no children, I have had three miscarriages and don't want to try again as he is so unstable right now I've realised that this would be completely selfish on my part despite desperately wanting children and I am financially stable although leaving will mean he loses everything as I've paid for everything and it is all in my name, this makes me feel worse.
I'm not sure if anyone has any experience of this situation and any wise words or encouragement to offer? I'm torn between staying to help him or leaving to have my own life.

He forces himself upon you sexually? That's rape. You need to get out.

Women's aid can help you.

Leave him. And definitely do not have children with him. He's an abusive rapist.

What is tying you to this man?

As someonewho has been mentally very unwell i can diagnose him quite quickly. He is a manipulative bully and a rapist. Mental illness does not cause this behaviour!! The is just a cunt

Don't waste yoir money on solicitors letters. Call women's aid and get support to walk away. If he kills himsrlf thats one less rapist in the world......although im 100% sure he wont.

You will not be able to help him, do no respond to his emotional blackmail. You need to help yourself and to start rebuilding your own life. Find the strength to walk out. Completely cut him out of your life. He doesn't sound like a right man to be father, please do not consider any more kids with him.
Why are you doing solicitors letters? Do you both owe the house?
Do you depend on him financially?
Start looking for a way out! You need to life your life, do not waste yourself on this useless piece of shit.

You can't help this man.

Whilst you are carrying him he won't help himself either.

He's raping you.

By breaking up with him you aren't song a bad thing. You are taking your life back.

Your life and happiness should not be sacrificed because of him and his problems.

It's that simple. Really.

You say partner, are you married?

Yes this is sexual abuse. Please call women's aid and get some help.

You can't help him, get out. He won't "change" either, that I can garantee.

You don't owe him anything. Really. You don't owe him anything.
There are not children involved.
Think of the practicalities, put a plan together and get out
You have a life ahead of you, a beautiful life

Not married, no kids, and you are financially solvent too.

He's an evil bastard who is physically and sexually abusing you, what else is there to say?

Not one person on here OP is going to advice anything else.

Like PP, mental illness is not an excuse for rape. Yes, that is what it it.

Please get out. You have no ties to this man. You owe him nothing.

Get yourself safe and focus on you. Kick him out, speak to the police if your worried about his reaction or if he'll kick off. They will help.

I have spent the last year trying to go and spent a fortune on lawyers letters that I never give him

What is the content of these letters?

Assuming that he is living in a property that is in your sole name, as you're not married you can pack his stuff up, tell him to leave, and call the police if he refuses to go.

You describe yourself as "overly romantic"and it occurs to me that you may be of the view that 'love conquers all', but the reality of your relationship with this controlling male is that he is using physical and sexual abuse to conquer you.

If the sob story of his "difficult life" has led you to believe that only you can 'fix' him, or that you should make allowances because of the alleged hardships he's endured, you are naive to the point of stupidity because he's a dyed in the wool cunt toad who is not going to morph into Prince Charming in this lifetime just because you keep kissing him.

You say you're "torn" staying or going but it's a no-brainer; binning him is the only means by which you'll keep your sanity.

You're in a prison of your own making that you can leave any time. So what's stopping you?

You had good advice above op. Please listen

You're not his therapist and you can't help him. Stop minimising his behaviour. He doesn't have to hit you to be abusive.
He's a cowardly, bullying arsehole and you deserve so much better

Okay its very difficult to see how awful someone is when you love them.
He sounds horrendous but i get that even with everyone telling you that you may still fail to believe it.
Look at it this way though... if you do love him the best thing you can do for him is leave him because if you dont he will carry on behaving as he has always done and he will not sort himself out. Hes clearly very fucked up and its not something that you should take responsibility for or allow him to take out on you. Nor is it helpful to him for you to do that. By staying with him you are letting him treat you badly and disrespect you and that is damaging to you both. You are caught in a terrible dynamic where you feel like he depends on you but his behaviour wont change unless it has to because he faces the consequences of his actions.
Give both of you a chance at life by leaving him.

House in your name? Does he work, or go out? When he does, chuck His shite out, change lock. He kicks off, call police. This rapist scum deserves nothing.
I didn't get the solicitors letters though.