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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Applied to court today

1 reply

NeuroGirl · 30/11/2016 22:17

Background of the case here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2697925-AIBU-to-think-I-should-get-custody

tl;dr - husband is a fun dad but lazy, I've been doing msot of the childcare, plus full time work, he works 18 hours a week, son is 4.5 and was nursery 4 days a week.

Current situation is that we are both still living in the same house, he is putting on the 'perfect dad' routine and has pretty much stopped working so he can do most of the childcare. I have arranged to go part time but that won't be possible til after some big stuff at work in January.

I had to apply for a child arrangement order today, at the prompting of the solicitor. He's only interested in primary residence because he thinks that will entitle him to 90% of the marital assets (that's literally what he's asking for).

Not sure how he's going to react. I'm realising there's a big element of control/coercion in our relationship (there's a 20 year age gap between us). It seems pretty clear to me that he doesn't have the wherewithal to raise a child for the next 13 years (apart from anything else he seems to regard it as entirely my job to provide financially).

I am terrified of court and having to sit opposite him while he tells me I'm wrong and silly and stupid and selfish and imagining things like he has for the last ten years.

Can anyone share any stories about family court? Are they aware of this kind of power dynamic in relationships?

OP posts:
minnymoomoo · 30/11/2016 23:21

Read and replied to your earlier thread about mediation. Don't worry about the court. You will have your barrister or solicitor with you and neither you or your husband really get a chance to speak - your barrister does all the talking on your behalf - so there will be no opportunity for your husband to slag you off in front of the judge. I didn't look at my ex once during either court hearing (the first is the FDA, then the FDR) because we sat in a straight line in front of the judge with me, my barrister, his barrister and then him. The court is not as scary as you imagine it to be and you will come out of it amazed at what a strong person you actually are. Good luck - it will be worth it in the end!

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