Help/support on options

[chocsandtwirls]

I'm now 2 weeks out of an EA and FA relationship. He went to stay at his sisters and is still there. He has turned the charm on full whack. Anything I want he's there. New phone/help with the house/help with our son. I know what he's doing in my head but my heart misses him. I get lonely and I don't know why but miss his company. I find myself being pulled in slowly.

I went to speak with local DA charity and told her some of the stuff not all. From what I told her she said he sounds to have stalking tendencies. They rang me about a refuge and said they strongly recommend me and my son go. I freaked out a bit and wondered is this the option to choose? Is this extreme? Will this option make things worse?

I told my mum and she said "well this sounds a bit extreme, you sure your not exaggerating" I got really upset and said why would you think I'd do that. She admitted she don't get it. My dad and her have had blazing rows. He's pushed her and she's pushed him. I explained it was diff and you can see the damage in my head. So With my mum on top saying am I sure. I don't know if I am. Should I just try private rent or go to the refuge??

Where are you staying at the moment? Is it your home / joint home? Why would you need a refuge or private rent, can you not stay where you are?

I feel myself being pulled in slowly
Nooooooo. Stay strong. When the charm does not work he will get nasty so brace yourself x

I am recently out of an abusive relationship too (((hugs)))

Staying in a private rented house. Joint tenancy. I can't afford the house on my own so looking for other places. A lot don't accept housing benefit though. Just freaked out a bit when they suggested the refuge would be best for me.

I know I'm trying to stay strong. It's hard though. I feel myself wobbling and missing him.

Thanks hugs to you too xx

I wonder why they suggested a refuge, sounds a bit extreme unless he is / has been very aggressive, threatening or physically violent. I would think private rent on your own would be better. You'll have your own space.

How did your ex react when you ended the relationship?

PS: thank your lucky stars you don't OWN a house with him - this is the nightmare situation I am in with my abusive XP. I have kicked him out and said don't come back or I will call police. It hasn't gone down well.

She said he seems a bit obsessed with me and has stalking tendencies. He in the past has also got his sister by the throat and had anger management. Perhaps these things raise red flags.

He cried bearing in mind I've never seen him cry before. Then ignored me and tried to guilt trip me. Now he's being extremely nice and trying to do anything he can for us. He's said he will get help as he thinks he has a personality disorder.

Run op. Don't ever think you can change him. He won't change. He'll get worst. If you put a bit of distance between him and you, you'll see him for what he really is.
I am sorry your mum doesn't seem too supportive, by the sound of it her relationship is unhealthy. Sometimes we mirror relationships around us, but you are worth much more, don't settle for less.
There's a link somewhere for the freedom programme which I think might help. Can anyone pls find the link?

By the by, he is not "helping you" with your son, he is his parent and as such he should coparent.

Mortgage I know your right. That's why I'm letting him be nice as I know if I challenge him things will turn bad. He will kick off and try make my life hell. I know it's bad but I feel like I might have not been helping the situation by say back I miss him and stuff. I just want to keep him sweet and a part of me does miss him. But my logical brain knows what he's like really.
I personally don't think their relationship was healthy. It's a lot better now from when I was younger. Her sulking if not getting her own way. My dad smacking me and my sis if we had been naughty but to the point he would leave marks on our legs. One time he chocked my mum on New Years when both were drunk as she mentioned his abusive father who left him. I was only 8/9. But for some reason she thinks her relationship is normal and I'm exaggerating.

I do have the link I've been in contact it doesn't start until Jan though. Thank you

Think I might be going to the refuge. They have rang me and I should be going tomorrow. I'm so scared!!

Can anyone give any advice?

Can't help you with that,
bumping.....

I am thinking of you op, hope you keep strong. I've just read you earlier. Think about your son, you are breaking up an abusive cycle, good for you, it shows you are corageous and resiliant, you can do this.
Keep safe op

Thank you mortgage I hope this turns out to be a good move and I don't get too much hell from him. I'm doing this mostly for my son.