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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Supervised contact - how often?

6 replies

Jetcatisback · 30/11/2016 15:28

Brief history (full version in previous threads). Last year my ex (DD's dad) became a registered sex offender. I obviously stopped all contact for a while, and eventually agreed to supervised contact by social services as that's what we thought was best for DD(9).

Except it wasn't. She simply couldn't cope with it all, and then when he didn't turn up one week, she was simply devastated so I refused any face to face contact and agreed on weekly letters.

After a few cin meetings, and despite a few missed letters from him, I agreed to phone calls once a week as well as letters on the understanding that if we felt DD wasn't coping they would be stopped. However, DD coped reasonably well. I have kept the same contact for a few month now.

Ex is now pushing for face to face contact again, and while I have agreed for one around Xmas, I have made it clear that it won't be a weekly or even monthly event as DD can't cope with it. School are backing me on this.

After talking with both DD's, I'm thinking of suggesting 4 x yearly, as while I would happily stop contact altogether, I know that's not what DDs want. Can anyone offer me any words re how to ensure I stick to my guns here and don't cave in? I hate the cin meetings, my anxiety kicks in big time and I find it really difficult talking with police, probation, social services etc.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 30/11/2016 16:03

Are you saying that SS/police/probation etc are pushing to reinstate supervised contact with your dd, or is it your ex who's pushing?

Yourarejokingme · 30/11/2016 16:18

I thought sex offender where allowed no contact with anyone including there own children under 18

I wouldn't allow this at all why are you can I ask.

c3pu · 30/11/2016 16:27

I thought sex offender where allowed no contact with anyone including there own children under 18

That is absolutely not the case at all, otherwise they'd never be able to go anywhere.

Jetcatisback · 30/11/2016 16:52

goddess they definitely were, hence me not attending the last meeting. Social services aren't so much anymore now since I told them I wasn't happy with them (also promised all sorts of counselling for DD which never materialised). I know probabtion have to be on my ex (their client) side but I can only take so much.

Ex is very much wanting contact, cant admit he did anything wrong, told his dad to tell DD1 to simply go and visit them without telling me Hmm and that what he did wasn't that serious as no one was physically hurt.

your because I think my DD would benefit from having some kind of relationship with her father, and it is very strictly supervised. There are no actual court orders on stopping him seeing DDs, but social services had to come and assess me to make sure I wasn't allowing unsupervised contact and fully safeguarding DDs. I would happily stop all contact altogether, but think that would damage my DD still further.4 times a year fully supervised plus phone contact is my thinking, but I know that isn't the thinking of ex and probation etc.

OP posts:
Yourarejokingme · 30/11/2016 17:15

I was of the understanding if it involves children they get no access looks like I'm wrong.

Yourarejokingme · 30/11/2016 17:18

I'd go for the 4 yearly and leave it at that plus the phone too is this on loud speaker too.

Review in a years time.

Do not let him or his probation officer change your mind.

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