Social services

[shinebrightsun]

Social services and leaving country. About 2weeks ago me and my hubby got it into a fight which results in him putting his hand on my throat and pushed me I called the police and he was arrested and charged.

Few days after the incident social services called me and said said she'll do a referral for multi agency risk assessment I told her that was fine she also asked about which I told her I decided to drop the charges she didn't understand why I would do that.

I'm 12weeks pregnant and I'm so stressed out so I decided to move back to Ireland,my question is does this look bad to the social services I already told them I will split from husband and they haven't said not to leave.

I'm not none to social services and this is the first time they're involved.

Do as a pp suggested and phone ur local Ss office to keep them in the loop with ur plans and then ask what your position is re taking dc out of country.

This must be such a stressful time for you.

It seems like you're focused on social service involvement, but there's a few different things beyond that you should consider. The first is, he may say he's happy with you going now, but you don't know what will happen in the future. You should, if at all possible, try and get him to sign something confirming he's happy for you to move to ireland and take your child with you. If in five months time he accuses you of kidnap, you won't have any way to prove otherwise.

Second, it would be best if you have some sort of record of what has happened. Ideally, if you pressed charges and he was convicted, that would be something you could show a judge in either jurisdiction if needed. But you may not feel up to that right now. Could you call womens aid and see what support they can offer? They may be able to advise.

Third, you're doing the best thing you can to protect yourself, your child and your baby. I hope you have lots of family support in Ireland. You can also contact womens aid there, and other services. It may be too much to think about now, but if you're able give some consideration to the kind of access you're prepared for him to have. If you can get him to agree to something now, before you go, with a solicitors input, then that could be a good basis as you don't want him using access as a way to continue to control you. But don't feel you have to do everything at once, the main thing is to protect yourself, and doing that is the best way to protect your children.

If you wanted, you could consider asking ss to prepare a file and share with their Irish counterparts. That may seem like the worst idea in the world to you now, but they will be trying to support you from your abuser, not your children. There may not be any further follow up, but again, if anything regarding child access arrangements were to come to court at least you would have a paper trail.

Sorry that should read 'they will be trying to support you from your abuser, not take your children' - they obviously want to support your children as well.

The police can still press charges without your consent. And if they take him to court they will summons you. It's best not to drop the charges.

Your story doesn't read quite right on one hand you say you are leaving him yet and I quote -

"He works here so we'll be in two countries. I'm just worried they'll think I'm hiding something"

Your language suggests you are lying. You say "he works here, we'll be in two countries not I, suggesting you are making the move together. If you were fleeing him, why would his work be of concern to you and secondly why would anyone think you have something to hide if you don't.

I saw a documentary where a couple tried to flee to southern Ireland to escape ss intervention, but the UK ss made the ss in Ireland aware and passed on information to safeguard the children.

The family accused ss UK of all sorts from being biased to lying. SS Ireland and insisted they did their own investigations into the family and came to the same conclusion.

I think you are back with him and trying to escape the consequences of his actions or as I'm sure as he will see your actions if calling the police.

Non of this is your fault you are a victim of domestic violence & please don't kid yourself that it's just you he hits one day he will turn on the kids. Let alone the emotional trauma they will suffer no matter how much you try to hide it or how quiet he is next time he does it.

People who strangle during dv are also statistically more likely to kill their partners please feel free to Google.

I would call your local SS contact centre. They will be able to look up your child's file and check who visited you and put you through to her. Explain you want to leave your DH and return to your family in Ireland for the safety of all of you. Make sure what you do is transparent and not hidden in any way. Leave them with your phone contact so they can get hold of you of you need to. Let the police charge your DH and make yourself available for any court attendants. You need to be above reproach in all of this.

Apologies

I think you are back with him and trying to escape the consequences of his actions or as I'm sure as he will see it as the consequences of your actions of calling the police in the first place.

Research has found that men who choked their partners were 10 times more likely to eventually kill them.

That explains question number 5 - "Has he/she ever tried to choke you?" - on a domestic violence lethality checklist developed by researchers from Johns Hopkins School of Nursing.

As CBS News correspondent Anna Werner reports, the Oklahoma City Police Department is among the forces using the 16-question checklist, which is designed to help officers identify victims who are likely to be killed.

I think SS will see right through your story, and rightly so

And you may not have the choice about whether charges are dropped. If the police have sufficient evidence to prosecute, they will go right ahead

lolly I read that differently to you. "We'll be in two separate counteries" - meaning the OP will be in Ireland and ex will be in the U.K.

People please copied and pasted from op - He works here so we'll be in two countries. I'm just worried they'll think I'm hiding something which I'm not I just want to leave all the stress.

she doesn't say separate or different, she says we'll be in two countries suggesting togetherness. Regardless of who is right or wrong, I sincerely hope she realises and leaves him.

Thank you peopleplease, I think I should've worded it better what I meant to say is that there's no chance of him coming to the home we shared and try to win me back because I will be living in Ireland and since he has a good job I doubt he will quit to follow me. I am not back with him and I'm fine with the SS here referring me to the Irish SS.

OK. My apologies for reading you wrong. Your update sounds much better.

Incidentally, why are you dropping the charges ?

Because I don't want to appear in court to give evidence I really want it to be over.I fucking hate him for causing me all of this stress and what he did to me.This pregnancy hasn't been easy for me I have experienced pain and bleeding from the start,scan showed I have a subchorianic bleed which could cause me to miscarry so I've been worried sick.

You'll have to if they summons you though.

"They" can summons tlll they're blue in the face, Mamabear, but as the OP will be living outside of the UK "they" have scant chance of forcing her to give evidence in any criminal court proceedings against her abusive h.

I'm only saying as I was issued a summons as I did the exact same thing as her and dropped the charges. So excuse me for just trying to prepare her that maybe dropping the charges won't be the end of it like she seems to have thought. Obviously I was not aware it's different outside of the uk.

" I decided to drop the charges "

it is not up to you to 'drop the charges' though, is it? It is up to the police.
That used to be the case but has not been for quite a few years.

He works here so we'll be in two countries

You may have omitted one word in the above sentence, OP, but the meaning should be perfectly clear to all and I have no doubt that, after you have moved back to your family in Ireland, you and and your abusive h will be in two separate countries.

As your h has given his verbal consent to the child of your marriage accompanying you, and as time is now of the essence, I would suggest you write a letter with today's date on the following lines to The Director, Children's Services, at your local authority's address:

Dear SIr/Madam,

Subsequent to the incident on (date of incident) which resulted in my husband (his full name) being arrested by the police and charged with an offence against my person, it is my intention to live with my family at (your family's address) for the foreseeable future in order that I can benefit from their support during my current pregnancy.

In the course of a recent conversation with my father, (your father's name), my husband gave his consent for our child, (child's name), to accompany me and we will be leaving the UK on Friday 2 December 2016.

As I was given to understand by a member of your staff that I would be referred for a MARA I feel it is incumbent on me to inform you of my change of circumstances and apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Yours faithfully,

signed by you

Make and keep a couple of copies of the letter and post it (by snail mail) either tomorrow evening or Friday morning.

Should your h choose to revert to type deny that he consented to you taking your dc out of the UK at some future date, the letter may go some way to establishing that you acted in good faith.

As you made the exact same point in your post at 17.31 Mamabear, there was no need for you to repeat it at 21.05 after the OP had revealed that she is at risk of miscarrying.

Social services in Ireland will be notified unfortunately although your the victim they will still do an assessment on you

That's fair enough. Obviously I am sorry about that, but no point beating around the bush. It isn't up to her to decide if she gets to not give evidence as a rule. As another poster said there's no such thing as 'dropping charges' anymore. I was beaten severely enough to need to be called to a crown court trial. So I do know the process and what I'm talking about. If by going to Ireland she can avoid that then fine, but that doesn't mean charges will be dropped.

Sorry op just saw your update about the fine bit about being referred to Irish social workers it is best you work with them and chances are they will just check on your welfare and your child's I understand how frustrating this is I am currently pregnant and due to my Dh now separated as there was domestic violence the uk social workers are doing an assessment on myself and new DP however I'm working with them and proving all is now fine I wish you all the best op

It isn't true to say that "there's no such thing as dropping charges anymore" and if you peruse this board you will find many instances of charges being dropped at the request of victims, Mama, but it seems your injuries were sufficiently severe that the CPS could not be persuaded to drop the charges.

I'm so very sorry to learn that you were a victim of dv and sincerely hope that, despite what was no doubt a trial by ordeal for you, your experience of the criminal justice system has ultimately proved to be empowering.

As for Princess's assertion that SS will notify their opposite numbers in Eire, unfortunately there have been numerous instances of dc at risk of significant harm slipping through the net because of SS failures to notify their counterparts in other counties, let alone other countries, when their clients move.

I therefore take the view that none of us can say with any certainty that SS will refer the OP's case to DoSP.