Not sure what to do.
OH is an online gamer. He chats to men and women on and offline. One of them is someone he's been in touch with for years - Rita, Can't be arsed to give her a pseudonym.
Last night I picked up the laptop and his hotmail account (which I know the password to anyway) was open. There was an email from Rita which showed the words "I would make sweet love to you".
So I clicked on it. It was a detailed set of emails going backwards and forwards, talking about joining the mile high club and what they would do to each other.
I searched for other emails. There are emails going back years, to when our last child was born. Some are just newsy, like writing to a friend, others are explicit sexting. The ones I found most upsetting were the ones where he tells her details about how he's feeling about all sorts of things that he flatly refuses to talk to me about - his dad dying and lots of big topics, and referrals to me in faintly derogatory tones - I don't understand how he's feeling, blah di blah,
She's obviously married too and lives in the US. They've never met as far as I can see. She has sent photos of herself and frankly, she's not anything special.
I have been battling an attraction to OH's friend for a few months now. I've not put myself in temptation's way, as I thought long and hard about what I wanted and I wanted to stay married, and if OH was feeling the way I was about one of my friends I'd be really hurt. So I have metaphorically sat on my hands and kept away.
Only now I find he's not extended the same courtesy to me. Fucker. He has talked to her online since before we met 14 odd years ago. The sex emails go in ebbs and flows. Sometimes no communication for months, then a flurry over a few days. It's clearly something they both get a sly kick from, but aren't serious about in that if they were going to meet and shag I would have thought they would have done it by now.
I've logged back onto his hotmail account just now and he's deleted all the emails. Except there is a retrieve deleted items facility on hotmail, and so I've retrieved them and printed them off.
I am so tempted to call his friend and go out with him tonight, leaving the print outs on his pillow. I know that would cause more problems as I'd be (hopefully) actually doing something, rather than just talking about it.
But fuck it. I'm so sad and angry. I have really tried with our marriage, we went through a terrible spell and had counselling, and I thought things had got better. We've just been away for the weekend and (TMI) had amazing sex. For a long time I had no sex drive after the kids but it's been back with a vengeance the last few months.
They were emailing last night about fantasies. Clearly the sex wasn't as amazing as I thought. Then he came to bed and wanted cuddles and to know what was wrong.
Fuck. Don't know what to do.