Anyone here loose their mum when they were a child/teenager?

[ringaling]

My mum passed away with cancer when I was 14,a week before Christmas and now here I am 30 still heartbroken.
I miss her so much.
I honestly still sometimes can't believe il never see her again.
She was the best mum in the world,and she was just taken away like that.
Has anyone here lost their mum?
How do you cope?
How do you try and not remember?
So many good memories of her and all I remember is the sound of the undertaker zipping her up and taking her away ..I just remember thinking how dare you take my mum..
Sorry for being so depressing,in 20 days it will be 16 years.
16 whole years...without her

Im sorry love. for you xx

May I ask. If there was a counsellor at your school and you were offered sessions, (a) would you have taken these sessions up and (b) what would you have wanted from the counsellor?

Ah, OP I'm so sorry for your loss. What you said about your mum and your coat has made me cry. She obviously loved you very much.

I was 21 when my mum died, so a fair bit older than you, but also an only child. My mum and I were very close, she was like my best friend, we went everywhere together. She had a pain in her shoulder which came on one day...3 months later she died (it was cancer but not diagnosed until the day she died). I'd just graduated from uni. I don't think I will ever get over it. I felt, when I was told, like I had a lead weight on my chest. Having children helped, but also made it worse, as she would have been an amazing nanna. I literally seethe when I hear women going on about what their mums do for their DC/GC,because I never had that and never will. It makes me so angry that some people my age still have grandparents alive, and I've not had a parent, let alone a grandparent, for 20 years. I'm really bitter about it, not just for me, but for my children. It's so unfair.

It was my mum's birthday today.

I relate to the health anxiety; I have always had really good health, but in the last year or so started getting pains in my right shoulder/ back. Which is what my mum had. It terrifies me .

weeping just wanted to add I agree completely about the forgetting things - I struggle to hear my mum's voice in my head now. I know what she'd say about things, but I can't hear her any more. And also that it is such a loss, it's losing that person who will always love you, and always be on your side. That's what my mum used to say, that they would always be there for me, no matter what.

I also had every kind of shit relationship, was treated horribly by so many men. I just wanted someone to care about me, and none of them did. I finally met someone 2.5 years ago, but prior to that I had 20 years of crap.

Many to all those who lost parents too soon.

I'm so sorry for your loss but you're not alone OP. I lost my mum when I was 10. The summer of 76. Everyone remembers the heat. I only remember the pain. That was 40 years ago. There was no support back then, I just had to get on with it. I've felt different to everyone else throughout my life. I've struggled with relationships and closeness, but I have a wonderful husband and 2 fantastic children. But I'm sad that she's not been here for any of it.

Thank you for starting this thread. I've just bought the motherless daughters book. Perhaps this is the start of something for me.

Ringaling I understand completely where you're coming from in so many ways.

My mum passed away when I was 12, I'm 32 now. That's 20 whole years of missing her, I don't think that will ever go away, it's more something I've had to try to learn to live with.

The happy times in my life always feel sad too because she's not there, like I can't truly celebrate because I'm always so aware that she's missing. My wedding, having my babies, my graduation all those sorts of times, I miss her so much it hurts.
The anniversary of her death, her birthday and Mother's Day all fall within weeks of each too, those days are hard, I find I think about her so much more then and so generally feel so much sadder.

I feel like I missed out on the best bits of having her, I didn't appreciate her when I was 12, not really. We didn't get to be close like other girls do as they get older and I find that so tough, I wish I'd enjoyed her more. And I too am jealous of people who have what I don't.
I feel sad for my children too, that they missed out on their Nanny and in a way 'proper' grandparents... my Dad has been married twice since she passed (that's a whole other story!!) and had several girlfriends too and whilst he adores his grandchildren, there's never been the sort of relationship I see other little ones having with their grandparents.

And you know I've just made this some kind of outpouring about me, I'm sorry, it wasn't meant to be, but I couldn't stop once I started.

I should have just said, you're normal, you're thoughts and feelings are normal. It's a shitty situation and I wish there was a way all of us posting here could make it better but there isn't. But what we can do is be great mums/sisters/daughters/grans etc that our mums would be proud of. Because I absolutely believe they're all up their watching out for us and loving us just as much as they always did xxx

After my dad died all I wanted was a baby. I knew logically I needed to grow up a bit more, get settled, get my degree, a job and all that, but I couldn't shake the feeling I needed to try and fill the gaping hole that had been left in my life and my family.
I had DS1 six years later, in not the best circumstances, and named him after him. Having him healed a lot - someone to love, someone to spoil at Christmas, a sense of family - but now, 14 years on, he's struggling for male role models because of the choices I made.
My mum married and was widowed again too.
Makes you grow up fast, while still feeling like a child, doesn't it?
Ringaling, I'm glad you started this, even though I'm so sorry to hear everyone's stories.

I lost my Mum at 17 after watching her die a terrible death through lung cancer. I'm not sure whether it was the dying or her death that traumatised me the most but I have PTSD as a result.
It has impacted my whole life as it does my younger siblings although they were largely shielded from her suffering.
By 20 I was married and had 2 children, I wanted something to hold onto I think. I have to work really hard not to be too over protective of my dc (I have 5 now) because underneath I've always been terrified they would die too.
They are almost all adults now and I feel so relieved I got them to adulthood and they are so much more secure and sure of themselves I think because they didn't experience what I did.
I'm older now than dm was when she died (48) and it felt a relief when I passed that milestone. I have an abject terror of anything health related and prefer to suffer rather than see a GP which is something I really need to address tbh.
Friends I went to school with are beginning to lose their parents now when my own dm died 31 years ago and I sometimes feel resentful of this.
I lost df before I was 30 and although I was heartbroken it wasn't the earth shattering loss that dm had been.
for all who suffered the same loss.

So sorry everyone that you are all feeling the same pain :-(
Even now at nearly 31 I still crave that reassurance my mum gave me,I haven't had that safe feeling for years.
Not only do I feel sad for me that she's gone but I'm sad for her that she never got to live the life she should of.
All the things she wanted to do,all the things she loved.
Drinking her QC sherry at Christmas and our Disney film nights..she loved beauty and the beast.
I have lots of good memories ..going to see Frankie valley and the four seasons when I was so young and me and her dancing in the ailse.
In a way I'm pleased I had her for 14 years ..I would rather have that than never having her.
Just hope she knew how much I love her.
I hope I can be a good mum like she was.

Tinker16- I get totally that.I was 14 and selfish and didn't appreciate her like I should.
All the things we could of done now,cocktail days,shopping trips,spa days,afternoon teas
I would of spoilt her rotten.
I hate that she isn't here so much

Sorry. Didn't mean to hijack thread.