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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Those who have had terrible relationships/marriages and are now in a really lovely, content one - tell me your stories.

34 replies

Teepish · 26/11/2016 19:24

Split from H in the summer, very childish, emotionally abusive man. We have dd5 together who loves her daddy more than me, sees him regularly but cries when she leaves him. I wish I could tell her he is a cheating liar who enjoys being cruel to me, but obviously cannot..Sad

Ive had a terrible day and done quite a lot of crying. I just wish there was a kind, decent man in my life I could text saying "God ive had an awful day" and he would reply "dont worry. We'll have a cup of tea and talk about it." Thats all I want, just to be looked after and feel cherished. And I want that for my daughter, so she can grow up seeing what a loving relationship is with a good man.

I just need to know that they are definitely out there.

Tell me about the lovely kind man you found.

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Teepish · 27/11/2016 14:01

frieda I identify so much with you there, I still don't know what happiness in a relationship actually feels like - what does it feel like to be with someone who you dont have a constant undercurrent of suspicion about, or a constant feeling of needing to keep proving myself worthy! I just cant believe ive lived like that for so long, no wonder ive been in and out of depression!

noego kudos to you for learning to become so happy and liberated. Very brave of you to be so open like that.

This morning I found an old diary of mine, and 7 years ago I had actually written a letter to my older self saying, "I feel so down about myself. Me and H (then just a boyf) are not working and I just don't know why, we arent speaking again and its all my fault. What will become of us? Do we stay together? Is he actually the one for me or not? I am always so sad and unsure."

For Gods sake, I want to run back into the past and shake myself!!! I was letting life pass by me and not taking the reigns at all!! I should have realised the relationship just wasnt for me and finished it, then went and found my own happy!! God im so upset about all this!

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Simonneilsbeard · 27/11/2016 14:13

I do feel a little sad for my younger self. My self esteem was in my boots for much of my late teens and all of my twenties. I feel like a wasted those years on a man who was hell bent on destroying me.
I'm certainly a lot stronger now, I don't take anyone's crap. I know exactly what I don't want in a relationship.
But my ex messed up a lot of things for me ..for example if I'm upset I don't know how to express it to my husband because for years I wasn't allowed to feel upset or annoyed about anything. If I expressed an emotion I was crazy or oversensitive. All that has had to be unlearned..it's getting easier but it does make me sad and angry sometimes.

frieda909 · 27/11/2016 21:59

what does it feel like to be with someone who you dont have a constant undercurrent of suspicion about, or a constant feeling of needing to keep proving myself worthy!

It feels wonderful. The feeling of freedom is indescribable after so many years of being weighed down. I've been with my new partner for nearly a year and I get butterflies every time I see him, and warm fuzzy feelings whenever I think about him. BUT you don't need a new partner to enjoy the freedom that comes from leaving a toxic relationship! It might take a while but one day I promise you will wake up and realise what a huge weight has been lifted.

Your situation really does sound very familiar. The arguing started about six months into my last relationship and I don't think I ever felt happy after that. I kept telling myself that everything would be fine if I could just change, not push his buttons, let it go whenever he upset me, pretend I liked all the things he liked... but no matter how hard I tried I was never good enough. I became convinced that I had MH issues and went on antidepressants for a while, but I honestly don't think I needed them... he was the problem all along, I just couldn't see it.

BumDNC · 27/11/2016 23:15

I left ex who was EA 8 years ago have been single for a lot of it. Have a lovely BF now although still very early days. He's very kind and lovely and sometimes I really think I don't deserve it Blush (not because I am horrible to him I am not!) because I just spent so long feeling worthless.

There are nice people out there

BumDNC · 27/11/2016 23:17

what does it feel like to be with someone who you dont have a constant undercurrent of suspicion about, or a constant feeling of needing to keep proving myself worthy!

It feels odd but at the same time very lovely. I can't describe it but it just feels like home? It's like warm and nice and you forget all your troubles

Teepish · 28/11/2016 22:33

frieda our stories are similar - I was on anti depressants for a year and when I think back... all I really needed was a supportive partner. I was alone in my relationship/marriage.

Bum I love that - "it just feels like home" Smile

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WombOfOnesOwn · 28/11/2016 23:36

My two ex-husbands were both really awful to live with in very different ways -- one was avoidant and while we never fought, he lied all the time, hid things from me, had a porn habit that got in the way of our life in the bedroom, relied upon me to make every household decision, all the money, etc.

The other one was incredibly emotionally abusive, a stormcloud that fell over my life and destroyed it, separated me from my family/friends, couldn't hold a job, deliberately provoked PTSD flashbacks, raged at me until I cried at least twice a week while I was trying to work an extremely demanding job that required me to work full-time from home (and was our sole source of income), self-injured and threatened suicide when he didn't get his way in arguments, demanded repeatedly that I make myself sexually available to other men while he watched (no, I didn't do this!), insisted on sex acts I didn't want, and who would bang his head into walls or tables any time I complained about his behavior, even if I couched the complaint in the kindest possible terms and tried very hard to avoid his self-destructive wrath.

I met my third husband while still married to my second husband. At the time when I met him, I knew I needed to get out of my marriage already -- my second husband had recently entered a state of full-blown, diagnosed psychosis, and this was not the first time this had happened. At first, I thought now-DH was my "rebound." It took us about six months to figure out that our relationship went a lot deeper than that, and we moved in together once I told my second husband to go to hell (and then my second husband raped me when he came over to give me the last of my personal possessions ... and my now-DH had to pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche afterward).

Now-DH and I have been together 4 years and have a 9 month old son, who is our world. He does more for our child than I'd have dreamed possible (I'm the breadwinner, but by choice this time!), we have a fantastic and frequent sex life, we can talk issues and arguments out like adults, we have long and deep intellectual conversations and make each other laugh. He writes me poems, I sing him songs. We moved to the part of the country where we always wanted to live.

Today, when we both woke up at 4 AM from baby crying and couldn't get back to sleep even once the baby fell asleep again, we lay cuddling and talking softly and having a very nice time until it was time to get up for work. He picks me up from the transit station nearest to our rural home when I return from work, and if I've complained about my day being difficult, there'll be flowers or chocolates or a favorite beverage waiting for me in the car, as often as not.

Our lives are not always wine and roses: we have argued about money off and on for years (though have recently made a good bit of headway on those issues), there were issues with expectations regarding monogamy early on when we both thought it was a rebound, and then for a stretch of the middle of our relationship, I was frustrated beyond belief that I felt like he wouldn't engage with me intellectually in the way I wanted him to (even though I'm a very intelligent person and so is he).

The biggest thing that separates him from husbands past: he has never told me I'm wrong for worrying, and he's always been willing to talk it out, as long as it takes, to ensure that we can come to a position on issues that makes us both feel satisfied -- not taken advantage of. The fact that we feel better after an argument than before is what makes it so our relationship has improved continuously over time. We're one of those lucky couples whose relationship bonded closer over our baby, rather than having the baby split us apart or turn us into roommates.

Teepish · 29/11/2016 16:58

Womb im so sorry to hear you were raped Sad it is very sad that living under a dark cloud becomes normal.
There were times I had sex when I really, really did not want to. I thought there was something wrong with me - why didn't I want to have sex with my husband? I even saw a doctor about it Sad in the last couple of months it dawned on me that I felt like that almost right from the word go with him, yet battled on accepting that I obviously had serious issues and it was amazing that he put up with me...except the reality in fact was we were simply incompatible. My body even pushed him away on that level, and I ignored it Shock

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Teepish · 29/11/2016 20:11

Ive remembered other things.

He had no empathy. An advert for Barnados came on tv showing the plight of a young troubles teen who ran away from home, only to fall into the hands of an abuser on the streets. He said, "well its her own fault for running away"...

He would practically crash through the front door returning from work, always marched in. I always jumped, it was so loud and unnecessary. Then he'd march past me, make a coffee, sit in the front room and and put the news on loudly. He didnt care about having conversation. If I was watching something on the tv, he would go straight upstairs and lay on the bed with his phone, probably texting the ow. He couldnt be bothered with me, wasnt interested in me.
I think he told his family I was miserable. I got that way because I was ignored, and became ill with anxiety because I could sense his secrets and lies.

Im just venting a bit there.

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