DH very likely has Aspergers. He's seen a psychologist about it and there isn't a diagnosis, because tests not done, but psychologist doesn't disagree it's very likely. My psychologists (long term therapy for child and adult trauma and my current situation) also have suggested it given what I've said about the dynamics of things at home over a long period of treatment (they each brought it up in fact).
I don't care if he has it or not, in fact it could be positive in that it would offer both of us a framework to understand our communication differences and his complete inability to process anything other than me being a robot.
But what I just don't know what to do with is his lack of interest in looking further into any of this on the basis that he knows (and he does) how unhappy I am. I have told him I can't continue living without showing emotion just because it upsets him, because it's now hurting me too much. I have very intense days after some of the therapy and have to behave like the only thing I did that day was go to the supermarket. No hugs, no affection, no talking about it, no anything. I've mentioned divorce and said that while I don't want it right now, it is on my mind.
And it makes no difference to him. He just pretends I've not said it. He's actually said it's too difficult to think about so he just puts his head in the sand.
And this kills me because I know for sure he loves me (and this is actually verified if he were to have the diagnosis, because his way of showing love is typical in everything I've read about the condition), but when I mention divorce very seriously, he's not even motivated to try and find how he can make changes, or try to understand me. His psychologist recommended a book for us to read together, but he's not ordering it.
I have tried so hard to understand where the problems are in our relationship over the years, look at my part, change what I can to meet his needs and he won't even order a book. But I can't separate out whether it's the (possible) Aspergers at work and I shouldn't take it too personally, or it's just him being a pain. One is more acceptable to me than the other.
And the divorce issue is very real, but we live abroad, neither of us in our home countries, have young kids, so not straightforward. I have spoken to a lawyer in this country about it and I'm going to speak to another in the country we got married in too (country of marriage contract), just to see what my options are, because I don't really know right now.
This is very long and I don't know what I'm asking, I think I just wanted to share with with someone. I have started opening up to good friends about it, but they're not here and I can't lean on them for everything.