I've had enough! AIBU to want to stab my dh

[Imgoing2killhim]

As usual, I'm lying in bed unable to sleep due to my oh's extremely loud snoring. I'm only averaging about 3 hours sleep each night and I'm struggling to function.

I use earplugs, but they don't even come close to muffling the noise, plus they make my ears hurt. I've tried nudging him, but it only stops him for a few seconds, and he moans that he's too tired for work so I feel guilty, especially as he's the only earner.

I've tried going to bed/sleep before him, but it's not practical as due to pain I take a while to fall asleep and he's asleep within seconds. Also, I wake up when he comes in anyway and then I can't get back to sleep as he's snoring within seconds. He also likes to be in bed for 10-11pm.

I'm unable to sleep during the day and I'm in pain constantly due to poor health. The only way I can fall asleep is through sheer exhaustion. He snores so loudly that I can't even concentrate or watch TV to pass the time.

I've tried talking to him but he just doesn't want to know. His excess weight is the problem (his snoring stopped when he previously lost weight a few years ago), but he says he doesn't have the time to exercise or diet.

I've explained how unhappy it's making me and how much I'm struggling, but nothing changes and I'm starting to really resent him, which has led me to being snappy with him during the day.

I find myself becoming annoyed over the smallest thing and I've no compassion for him if he's feeling under the weather.

It's so bad I want to punch him in the face (or stab him through the heart) just so that I can get some sleep!

I'm at the end of my tether and I keep breaking into tears for no reason.

Every 10 days or so I'll sleep for 10 hours, which is far too long for me as I'm then in agony from being in bed too long.

I've said to him that I can't do this much longer and if he doesn't at least try to stop we'll have to have separate rooms, but he's so loud that I know it won't make any difference (I already sleep on the recliner chair in the lounge most nights, so I know how much the noise carries).

I'm going out of my mind. Please help.

My OSA was mainly due to my xs weight, although I was also told that the muscles in that area were weak, which couldn't be fixed, but that the weight was exacerbating it and causing the apnea.

It's not just because of the snoring that I'm concerned about his weight; I am worried about his health too. He has high cholesterol and high blood pressure too. I'm also worried that he'll have a heart attack or stroke as his job is quite stressful. I'm pretty sure that he has OSA too (mainly due to the xs weight though).

He really needs to see a Dr, but won't, as he 'doesn't have time'. I have to nag and nag. In this way, he's the same with everything.

I did get him to go to the GP about 2 years ago when the high cholesterol, etc, was found. He's refused to go to any follow ups or to follow their advice regarding diet, etc, though. It's like having another child, except that I can't make him go and see the GP.

At the time, I was on a waiting list for a cpap machine, but I used the mouthguard in the meantime, and lost weight. I ended up doing so well that I didn't require the cpap when it became available.

The silence (or even a quieter, gentle snoring) would be fine if there were no health implications, but there's no way I could find the noise he makes atm restful or soothing. I also believe his quality of sleep would be much improved if he could lessen/stop the snoring.

I'll try recording him again, and we'll go from there. I'm doubtful anything will work as this has been going on for so many years now, but it's worth a try.

I had to split up with someone over just this issue. He snored incredibly loudly due to being overweight. If he had a few drinks it was even worse.

Being in another room made hardly any difference as he was so loud it carried right throughout the house. I got to the point where I was so sleep deprived I nearly fell asleep at the wheel,and decided enough was enough.

Same problem here. It's really so loud that being in another room makes very little difference.
If we didn't have so much history (been together almost 20yrs + DC, etc), I think I would've left him by now.
I'm pretty sure that if this had happened in the first few months or year of our relationship, I would've left him because of it.

We've had a chat last night and he's agreed to go to the doctor, but I'll believe it when I see it.
Usually he agrees to go, but then never has the time, or can't make the appointment that I book, and so cancels it without making a new one.

I think your immediate concern is to get some restful sleep. Can you go to the nearest Premier Inn for two nights to get some decent kip? The toll on your health is unacceptable; the toll on his health is his problem.

As I said in my op, every couple of weeks I manage to sleep for around 10hrs. Last night was one such night, although it was for 6 hours as opposed to 10. I've got sleeping tablets from the doctor so I'm going to see if they help too.

Yes, I saw that in your OP and noted that prolonged sleeping in one position (i.e. when dead tired) causes you physical pain. That's not my idea of restful sleep. Seriously, you need to get several nights in a row of actual, useful sleep.

Buy him a snore ring! Honest to goodness, they work. How, I don't know, but they're amazing! You can get them for a couple of £s from ebay, get him to wear it on the little finger of his right hand for an hour before he goes to bed and then whilst he's asleep. Amazing things! Good luck!

My dh snores like this when he gets too overweight. If he refused to do anything about it I would go and live with my mum and I'd eventually divorce him because it would signal to me that he doesn't give a shit about my quality of life.

If you're spare room is being built then I'd ask the builders to include sound proofing measures. Then make the room as wonderful as possible and make it all yours!!

In the interim, is there a cheap hotel near by that might give you a good weekly rate? Or at least do a night a week or something so you can get some solid rest?