I need to vent. Apologies in advance this could be long!
I want to change my life. Am bored, lonely and not in a happy relationship. I moved almost 10 years ago to a small village in the countryside approx 2 hours from where we used to live . I had lots of friends, family nearby, a good active social life . We moved for various reasons, the area where we are now is lovely and the schools are great and it's a nice place for the kids to grow up. We have 4 kids eldest 2 in secondry school younger 2 in nursey. Both me and partner are self employed and we are in a good position financial wise and my business has just recently really taken off. I have 2 horses which are my time out and hobby. All sounds good ? Well ots not. Truth is I am in an unhappy relationship, my partner has little repsct for me, he's moody and selfish. He likes a drink and is constantly letting me down - all our fall putts are to so with his boozing. I want bore you with the details. I have a few friends here, none very close as alot are older than me (am 35 btw they are late 40s.) I work from home on my own all day 4 days per week. My partner works 6 days a week. I can go all day/week without seeing anyone, it's quite rural where we live. I seem to have lost my confidence with driving. I am fine driving short distances to the town etc but doing the drive to see family I am a nervous wreck. I hate roundabouts and junctions I go to pieces and panic. It's silly but it puts me off driving up there :( I went to weatherspoons on Monday and took the baby (he's 18 months) we had a breakfast and we sat on our own. I could see 3 lots of mums around the same age all talking and having a laugh and it made me feel really sad :( :( all my old friends have kids the same age , indo keep in touch via fb etc but they don't drive and due to my lack if confidence I rarely go up there :(
When I do visit I am always happy to be back I the countryside , on one hand a love it here and the other I also hate it.
I feel like I want to break away from my partner and start making friends and getting out more. Its rediculous but I want to get my hair and nails dine and buy new cloths but whats the point when I never see anyone or go anywhere??!
My business I can take anywhere as it's online based but I am unsure what I really want! The thought of moving back home depresses me in the same breath as it dies staying here forever. I have considered the town which is aboit 10 mins away and is alot busier there than it is here and the older kids would be able to stay at there school. I really need to make friends. I want to my up for lunch at soft play on my days off with the little ones, I want to share a bottle of wine of an evening and plan a night out occasionally.
What the heck do I do?! 😕