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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cant sleep

32 replies

Squashberry · 25/11/2016 04:22

We (little ones, my partner and myself) were sat after dinner at the table still and talking about a song we couldn't remember. Partner googled the words and found the name of song. So I asked him to pass his phone so put it on Youtube app as apparently he didn't know how to do it. He completely froze and was very reluctant for me to see his phone which I thought was weird, which I said. He gave me his phone but then literally ran round the table to stand next to me, saying I shouldn't look at his phone history as I wouldn't like it if he looked at mine (and he has in the past! 18 months ago he even went through my phone and called someone off it at three am as he didn't know who it was, "but that was 18 months ago, not doing stuff like that anymore" ) . I thought that was super weird and because he was freaking out so much and so panicky, in front of him I went on history... Or at least tried to before he grabbed phone off me and tried to make excuses for what he'd been looking at. All i managed to see is an article of that woman who's breastfeeding her boys and has photos of pretty much her entire boob. But thats not even what he was worried about. Didn't see the rest but concerned as to why he was so panicky. Its not as if he'd bought a gift or whatever, he's not the kind of person that could hide that. I can only imagine what he's been looking at or on must be something terrible for him to be that freaked out. And when I was annoyed about it (not going on his phone, but his reaction) he packed a bag and left. I'm sat in bed now thinking what the hell. He'll have deleted whatever was on there by now plus had a long unknown password. My guts telling me it's something odd.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/12/2016 03:26

You'll do it because you've got no choice. You love your kids, you'll get through this.

Tomorrow morning you need to find out what you're entitled to. Call CAB & Womens Aid.

Is the house rented? Whose name is it in?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/12/2016 03:28

How old are your kids and is he their Dad?

Squashberry · 01/12/2016 09:13

Rented and its in both our names and little ones aren't his, even though they see him as theirs Sad

Will be calling CAB when they open for advice. He said he's paid for this place so he's staying, not us and given that he's the only one who can afford to pay then I guess the landlord will side with him. Although we did pay six months upfront so really I'd only need to find money for food, bills and petrol if he left, at least he actually has somewhere to go.

Can't believe this mess and now I'm petrified my kids will get put in foster care or something as we'll be homeless, please someone tell me this won't happen.

OP posts:
1Violetcream · 01/12/2016 09:46

Of course that won't happen honey!! Try and stay calm and focused on one thing at a time. The first thing is the CAB. Also do you have any family or friends who can help support you emotionally at the moment. Do you get any maintenance from your children's birth father? X

Lillygolightly · 01/12/2016 09:55

OP - don't worry even if the worst happens and your relationship ends your children will not end up in foster care. There are hostels for women and children where you can be temporarily housed until the council can place you in a more permanent accommodation.

As for him, well he has been a shit and in all honesty it sounds like he has a bit or a flirtation or more going on with a woman at work. It may be the case that he has only flirted or tried to persue her or it may be that they are having some sort of affair/inappropriate relationship. Either way or whatever the circumstances he has shown himself to be completely untrustworthy and extremely cold in consideration of you and your children's feelings.

My best advice - ring the CAB get some advice on your housing and benefits situation and the steps you would need to take. Also if the tenancy is in joint names, he can move out and you can apply for housing benefit and council tax benefit, this would be the decent and gentlemanly thing for him to do and quiet frankly the least he could do considering how he had treated you.

Don't let him walk all over you, you be strong and get what you need and deserve for you and your children.

Flowers
Squashberry · 01/12/2016 14:09

Thank you so much for kind words and listening to my panicking and moaning. Managed to pretend everything was normal for the kids this morning. Spoke to CAB over phome, well, cried to CAB over the phone. She advised as we're both on the contract I'm not to leave, but still call the local council for advise as if need be they may be able to help with emergency accommodation.
Feel quite calm now. Might be because I'm so exhuasted and have a stress headache (again) . Have parents eve soon as I pick up the little ones from school too Confused

OP posts:
Adora10 · 01/12/2016 14:22

He's not being honest because he's hiding something really bad and I'd guess it's to do with a female, he seems to have trust issues in the past when he called a random no on your mobile, most people that behave like that are the ones up to no good.

I'd not communicate with him at all until he is prepared to come clean, not looking likely so assume it's time to discuss splitting up, he's not trustworthy that's why you don't trust him.

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