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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Absolutely Devastated!

33 replies

Notmyweek · 24/11/2016 18:10

So me & my partner split last Thursday, we'd had a rocky relationship for the last 8 months in which time I fell pregnant, well last week as usual we had one of our arguments and stopped talking, I expected we would simply not talk for 2 days & then resume our relationship again as normal! Well this didn't happen as I expected! I became unwell on the Saturday of last week & tried to call him to come help me as I was really struggling but he ignored my calls and voicemails and when I messaged him, he told me he wasn't interested and to stop messaging or he'd block me!
I got angry and blocked him, because I was I upset at his reaction, I then didn't contact him until Monday evening when I became very emotional I turned up at his house and tried to speak about plans for the baby, well he wouldn't even look at me! He started going mental

It's now been 4 days (longest of my entire life) we have not spoke one word to each other, he's out enjoying life whilst I'm stuck in, pregnant and crying over every thing around me!

I literally feel like I'm dying from heartbreak I am so devastated, I actually feel suicidal from being cut out of someone's life so suddenly.....I love him so much and I miss him so desperately but he won't speak to me, he's cut me off! He hates me! And I don't know what I've done wrong! We've fallen out over much bigger things yet always made up.

Do you think he met someone else and was waiting for the right time to break it all off and used the argument as the perfect excuse??

Only 4 days before, we fell out over something stupid and he was ringing me begging me to take him back because he wanted to be there for me and the baby.....how can he change his feelings so quickly for me??

I feel sick to my stomach when I think of him with someone else! I just want him to turn up and hug me......please help me, I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
user1479989941 · 25/11/2016 11:09

Good for you. Please don't waste too much time crying for someone who doesn't value you and can just shut you off with no explanation.Read psychopath free as it really helped me understand how an abuser operates. Stonewalling is abusive and no normal person reacts to confrontation so don't beat yourself up that you said the wrong thing and if only you hadn't argued you would be happy. Just don't waste this precious time as your tears will affect the baby.

Notmyweek · 25/11/2016 11:23

Luckily I have 4.5 months to get over him....by then il be back to my normal self....of course just very tired!

I don't want this to cloud my time with my baby as it's clouded my pregnancy, that I hate him for because it was too selfish to see it wasn't about me and him it is about our baby boy, he wasn't strictly planned however we didn't stop it from happening and it simply happened sooner than we thought...my baby is not something I regret in the slightest, I regret him being the father!

All I'm worried about is that he rejects him and wants no contact, I had my dad, I want him to have his.....it's his right and what he deserves

OP posts:
lananzack · 25/11/2016 11:53

How are you feeling today OP?

I just want to add, mine and XP had a really similar relationship. We would argue - then not talk for a couple of days - then resume as normal. Anywho, it got to the point where I thought.. What's the point? And I just stopped speaking to him completely (about us, we have DC's so, ofcourse, had to have some contact). I for sure wasn't seeing anybody else, I just thought fuck it, can't be arsed being hot and cold anymore.

What I'm saying is, no, he probably isn't seeing somebody else, he probably just had a fuck it moment.
Not sure if that will make you feel any better about the whole 'is there someone else' thing. Other than that - I hope you start to feel better about it soon. X

Notmyweek · 25/11/2016 12:10

Hey thanks for your message, well I have been up since 7am & havent cried one single tear yet! I won't pat myself on the back yet as I've still got until bedtime!

It's difficult because stupidly I miss him yet there's nothing to miss! He spent most of our time together accusing me of having an affair, looking at other men or just arguing with me about something.

Yes I did & do still love him however in time I will wake up one day & think why?? Why did I waste my time on someone like that??

He thought so highly of himself, told me that he wasn't worried about me walking away because quite frankly where was I going to find a guy as good looking as him, with a body as good as his & apparently the sex was amazing so I definitely wasn't going to leave him all according to him!!

I'm not saying these things to try and make myself feel better, some part of it is true...who wants a fat pregnant woman??

Oh I can't wait until I'm over him for good

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 25/11/2016 12:36

Are you the OP who called the police after he assaulted you and video'd you while having a screaming fit at you?

Notmyweek · 25/11/2016 12:55

I am yes, I went to my doctor yesterday after having a breakdown at work yesterday.....I am taking steps to get my life back to how it was before we met. I want to take this time to learn to be on my own.

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 25/11/2016 13:13

In the nicest possible way OP, you need to pull yourself together. You have a baby to worry about now

Your relationship sounds incredibly toxic. Bringing a poor baby into this mess is not an option surely? You need to make plans by yourself and forget about him. The fact he can ignore his pregnant GF is unforgivable. Did you break up and make up even before you were pregnant? Were you trying for this baby? If not, maybe he resents you. Even if he does, he sounds like a twat

Notmyweek · 25/11/2016 13:24

I agree with you, I shout at myself a lot at the moment telling myself to get a grip and stop focusing on him but the baby.

We met in April, everything was amazing I finally thought I'd met the one, I couldn't have been happier!

Then around July the arguments started, it got pretty bad at points but we always managed to sort it, then I found out I was pregnant in August.....he was so so happy, we both were, we instantly went back into the honeymoon period and things were amazing again & then around September it just went shite....I cried all the time & then come November, we had yet another fall out and he cut me out for good this time....I had a scan on Wednesday which he knew about as I asked him to come but he didn't turn up nor did he text me.
He's told me to contact him once the baby is here but I'm worried with the time that passes, he'll just get used to a life without a baby and not want to know when he's here.

OP posts:
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