Right plan B

[Pisssssedofff]

See if you can pick holes in this, politely. I have no problem with alternative views but frankly when my parenting is called into question I do get pissed off and snappy.

So Plan B.
Buy a house and enable exDH to have 50/50.
His current reasoning for not having the kids more is that he had nowhere to take them. Currently does every other weekend in a hotel room. I'd charge him the mortgage as rent. He'd be doing well out of that arrangement. At least a £300 a month saving.
Disclaimer : I'm a darn good mother compared to what I received in the way of parenting and if it's not up to your standards, keep it up yourself until your child has married and avoid drug use/stealing cars/dropping out uni etc because it can and does happen to many many people.

It's up to him if he would live in a house you owned. You can't make him because you want him to have the kids more. Just as you can't make him have the kids more at all, he's an adult and supposed to facilitate this himself, yes with you making things able to be facilitated but this seems to be a whole other level of facilitation and I am not sure the reasons why.

Also I don't know enough of the story to comment on the disclaimer.

You being a better parent than him won't change him into a better one, he has to want to

I think if I removed his barriers, which social services raised eyebrows at tbh, along the lines of if you're that bothered about seeing your kids go and get a bloody house kind of thing. He took me to court for 50/50 and I said fine just get a house !
So I'm thinking we both have a house in the same ish area all of them can come and go as they please. Certainly the older 3

He could be a really bad tenant. I think legally I would hate it

You're treating him like a child, aren't you? What kind of man is this twat, that he can't find somewhere to live?

Do you want 50-50 or do you want more?

Yeah i mean what am I going to do if he doesn't pay rent I can hardly throw him out.
DD2 is refusing to go to him this weekend, DS aged 6 isn't actually that keen.
Back to the drawing board I guess

why are you trying to find ideas for him, surely this is his motivation: do nothing, kids come less, more free time and money for him

Because a) it gives the kids a break from each other and b). They are his kids too

Yeah we all know that but buying him a house and having to tolerate him as a tenant may not change anything. If he really wanted the kids more he would make this happen he clearly doesn't want to.

The kids don't sound like they even want to go... would it be cheaper and easier to employ an au pair or nanny to help you out?

Thats what I've done previously I've concluded I'm going to have to move areas again to make it work, the kids will hate me either way. Such fun this isn't it !