Something to get me started

[NotveryPC]

I've not done it with DP since DD was conceived approx 2.5 yrs ago.

Love DP but find the thought of actual sex quite unpleasant. Cannot even bear to watch sex scenes on film.

Am I frigid/ weird/ just tired.

DP and I have our first w/e from children ever in 2 weeks time. He will be up for it - how can I get myself up for it too!

Oh Moondog - don't say that! It makes me feel even weirder.

it doesnt really matter how, but you have to decide in your head you ARE going to... you never know you might like it!

a nice massage? a bath together?

alot of kissing to begin with?

maybe set a fun rule - nothing but kisses till 10pm, by that time you might be snogged up into a frenzy and want to be with him?

Sorry

Thanks for suggestions ut feel abit weird about saying those ideas to DP. Makes it all feel a bit set up.

Argh! I'm in such a muddle. We are quite old 42+. Do all couples keep at it like young'uns at that age?

viagra gel but dont eat it
rub it in

or you get a stiff neck

Bottle or two of vino

Not sure if viagra will help me - I'm already stiff as a board but maybe due to lugging about DD. DP certainly doesn't need viagra gel (bless him)

i'm even older. cant claim to be at it like a young un all the time.... but no sex in 2.5 years would be a real problem for me (and for dh).
how were things before you conceived?
do you think this is a problem or not?
what does your dh think?

dont know tbh nvpc
cant be bothered myself

We were unmarried before DS & were at it a lot. After DS things slowed down and then ground to a halt when DS was 1.5 and got pg with DD.

I find sex while pregnant v unpleasant - normally feeling ill and once I start getting a bump I just get lots of thoughts about harming the baby etc. Now I constantly think about the kids bursting in.

But actually I don't care much apart from the fact that DH does. I love DH and he loves me. I also feel that my whole person is consumed by the kids. I used to be quite loving with DH but feel that all of that energy has been transferred to my children who I love with a passion,.

maybe some time away from kids might help

doesnt have to be a weekend away but what a about a couple of hours on a night out
just to get close again
good luck
xxx

yes. good luck.

Well we are doing the whole w/e away from kids as have got friends to look after kids for a night while we go off to hotel.

But am a bit worried that there will be too much expected of that weekend and maybe its better to break our duck before then.

I can't hardly remember how you do it! Maybe should just be upfront with DH and say "lets practise". But actually there is a rather large bit of me that says - "if only it wasn't an issue.

Maybe I should have just said calling all celebates.

try slowly
you can be intimate without having full sex iykwim
I would try that approach
like kittylette suggests

would you be content if your marriage never involved sex with dh again?
is there any physical affection between you (touching / holding hands / kissing)?

Well, I'm 42 as well and don't consider myself too old for sex. Do you , as it were, want to 'want to'? Or do you want your DP to agree not to bother?

BTW, whatever one's worries, forget about what's 'normal' because that's totally irrelevant. It's not necessarily a sign of anything "wrong" with you to be less interested in sex when you are looking after young children, but it's not necessarily a state of mind that will last forever.
Of course, as with anything, being constantly nagged or even constantly hopefully hinted at to do something is profoundly off-putting, I beleive the three days on, three days off, rule can help a lot in this sort of situation.

Agree about time away from kids, but can understand the worry of expectation of a set up weekend away.
Maybe if you can get babysitters, just a night at home alone would be a lot more laid back. a nice dinner, film and a bottle of wine or two??

Get yourself a good book between now and then. Of the erotic fiction variety. Get your mental juices flowing first.

If you love him (and it sounds like you do!), just relax and enjoy your time together. Just being alone and not worrying about the kids (as well as being in a hotel and having other people look after you) will help you to be more intimate with each other. Order a bottle of champagne and take it from there!

I'm sure you'll have a lovely time and events will unfold quite naturally. Don't stress about it in advance just look forward to some time off.

Thanks for all your helpful replies.

I do love DP but agree with madamez that his hints (which are v undemanding ones) make me feel less up for it than ever.

I do feel that I have just turned into a different person to the one I was before kids - mentally and physically. I've lost weight since before I had kids but everything has gone squidgy and middle aged looking.

I like VVV's suggestion of book as DP & I read a lot - so will try to find something suitably erotic. Although it'll probably have to be quite romantic too - in my current state of mind don't fancy anything too top shelf!

Have also thought that maybe if spent some of w/e shopping for some nice clothes or getting hair done might make me feel a bit more desirable.

NVPC, yes you're right, spending a little time and money on your sexy self (ie new knickers/shoes, hairdo or manicure or whatever) can put you in the mood - just having the time to do something for yourself is good.
And if your DP is the nice sympathetic sort, it's ll going to be easier than if he were the whiny, nagging, non-stop pushing sort as well.
Good luck. For books, Black Lace have just re-released Menage, by Emma Holly, which is very good and ,as it centres on a slightly older woman with two fit young lads (ooh! Young man!) isn't going to be as off-putting as the sort of designer supermodel-shags-film-start stuff can be. Portia Da Costa (also Blakc Lace) is good as well. Or try to get hold of an anthology as different short stories mean one at least is more likely to work,