Business or baby?

[broodybrooder]

I am 34 and I have 1 DC who is 5. My partner (not DC's dad) is 35. We live together and all is going well and very lovely. DC and DP get on great - in fact, his love for my daughter is part of the reason he's very keen to extend the family.

I am also very keen. Really keen, I've always wanted more children. And DP says he doesn't want to be an older dad.

Trouble is, we've not done anything about this yet because of finances. I'm self employed and earn an OK living. A year ago, DP started up his own business and while it's building up and looks better for next year, he isn't making a living at the moment. And at this rate, it could be a few years before he does.

I'm able to mostly support us, but if I stopped working even for a month, it would be disasterous financially.

He has decided to get a job for the winter and it's actually quite well paid. He's been told the option is there to make it permanent. Last night, he suggested shelving his business plans for a couple of years so we could start trying for a baby.

I'm tempted, but I don't want him to give up on his dream. He says this is more important. I think it could possibly lead to resentment in the future.

Anyone have any advice or experiences?

If we tried for a baby now, I would pretty much have to return to work straight away. Not something I really want to do as I had to do this with DD and would like a maternity leave this time. However, if it's not possible and DP had to stay at home instead, I'd do it.

You both want a baby. So have a baby.

Baby - 100%. We had a baby 5 years ago and wanted another straight away. I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and the last few years of trying and nothing happening was so hard. It's made me realise that nothing in the world should be put before a baby. If you can provide a safe and loving environment (which it sounds like you can!), go for it! You don't know when it could be too late xx

Your partner wants another child and is willing to take the job in order to be in a position to have one. No brainer, surely?! He might even find that he prefers being employed to the pressure of trying to run his own business and not making money.

Also look into Maternity Allowance as you might be entitled if you've made NI contributions through self employment.

I'm someone who gave up everything to run a business. It wasn't worth it.
As a consequence I didn't get married until 38 and am expecting my first child at 41.
A business can wait. Go for the baby!

A baby is for life, a business is for how long it lasts and doesnt come with a "time" limit on it. My business causes me a lot of hassle and stress, so did my son --but that stress was more worthwhile.

I genuinely expected people to say 'get real' and to wait for a better time for a baby.

Good to hear other people's take on it - thanks!

Infertility declines. My experience is advising you to go for a baby. I wouldn't wish the heartbreak of infertility on anyone.

Fertility.

Obviously.

Doh

I started making steps to start a business and did start trading but circumstances changed and I had to temporarily stop. Was about to start again when DP and I decided to try for a baby. I was 29 and felt ready, plus wanted a child for years. I'm now 27 weeks with my first and 100% made the right decision. I want to concentrate on family (planning on another in the next few years) and then will maybe look at getting the business back up and running.

A business can wait. Go for a baby. Good luck.

I think if your partner were female you would be less anxious about the trade off between business ambitions and personal ones - it seems much more 'normal' that a woman would sacrifice certain career goals in order to have children. All your DP is offering is the same. To him, having a child is more important than plans to start his own business.

Will he regret it someday? Well, maybe - we all have to live with the trade-offs and I don't think any of us regret having our children.

On the other hand, you may find the stress of being the main breadwinner (esp in what seems like a fairly precarious piece of self-employment?) is a lot to deal with. Can you improve the stability or at least profitability of that in the meantime?