Telling my best friend i'm pregnant, when she's desperate for a baby...

[DetentionGrrrl]

I haven't told her yet, and it's early days so i don't have to yet, but she'd normally be the 1st person i'd be dying to tell.

She wants a family, but her DP keeps changing his mind about having one, so one minute she's taking folic acid, the next it's the pill. Last night he's changed his mind again and said no for at least a year, and she's gutted. And here i am pregnant and keeping it to myself.

To make matters worse, a mutual friend has purposely got herself pregnant by a new boyfriend because she wanted a baby asap, and my best friend was angry and jealous over this (understandably)

I want to tell her, but i know it'll make her feel terrible about herself, even though she'll be happy for me too.

Sound difficult and understandable you dont want to rub her nose in it - but bottom line is she is your BEST friend and although she will probably feel jealous she will be more hurt if you keep it to yourself for as long as possible. She will be happy for you too so dont put it off - and congratulations x

First of all congratulations. She will find out soon, so better from you than from sone-one else. Just keep it short and tell her you promise not to go on, and on about your pregnancy infront of her. If she is a good friend, she'll be suportive, but may be more distant while she gets used to the idea.

I had this, one of my friends and my boss both had been having IVF unsuccessfully and I dreaded telling either. In the end I told both at around 14 weeks and they were delighted for me. With hindsight, though, I should have told my friend earlier, esp as she would have liked to have "been there for me" when I had my CVS. I think she was a little hurt at being told so late although she understood my reasons for doing so. She was upset that people thought they had to tiptoe around her.

She's having a day shopping with me in about 4 weeks, so i may tell her then. I know how hard it was the 6mths i was trying for DS, but at least DP and i wanted the same things. My heart breaks for her.

I know she'll be chuffed too. I just feel like i'll reinforce her feeling of time running out / everyone else getting what they want from life but her.

when are you due? is there any rush to tell her

there's no rush. It's just that if circumstances were different, i'd have told her by now.

i don't want to feel responsible for her unhappiness (although i know i'm not, her bloody DP is)

Tell her now - she's your friend and although she might feel bad about her own situation, she will feel happy for you (even if she's envious/jealous/sad at first).

Poor you i know how hard it can be in this situation.
Just be as honest as you can be and try not to come over as tiptoeing around her as that may make her feel worse.
My friend has not seen me since i got pg with dd2 as it's too painful for her and she feels so jealous of me. She has told me this herself. I got pg twice by happy-accident... and she's tried for 4yrs.. i dont feel guilty for the fact that i have my babies, but she thinks i dont deserve them as much as she would because i didnt plan them and she is trying so hard.

Hope telling her goes ok, but it could have a sad and unexpected outcome, as happend with me and my friend.

good luck!

I had this situation with my best friend. We were both trying for our second, I got pg before her. I didn't tell her until I was 12 weeks because I didn't tell anyone really until then. She didn't resent me for not telling her before, I didn't tell her I was pg with the first until after the 12 week scan. Sadly, she never did get pg again and only now, 3 years later, is she coming to terms with it. We've talked about the subject at great length and she explained to me that she was happy for me, but couldn't help feeling sorry for herself at the same time. I absolutely understand that and even now am very careful not to talk about how much more difficult it is having two etc.

If you are telling other people, though, don't leave her out. She'll probably hate it if other mutual friends know and she doesn't - she might feel that you're treating her differently because of her situation.

Two of my friends from a post natal group had difficulties conceiving and I know they had been trying for ages when I became pregnant with my second. I too felt guilty but they were marvellous and thrilled for me. They were nothing but supportive.

I am sure they had other personal feelings too but they didn't show it. Fortunately they have both gone on to have another

well my best friend came over last night for a chat- she's feeling better about her DP saying no to a baby (again). I say better- she's coming to terms with that being the state of things at the moment, but she's obviously very sad.

Only my parents know about my pregnancy, and she will be the next person i tell. If my dates are right, i will be roughly 12wks when we go on our shopping day out next month, so i shall tell her over lunch. I won't be announcing it to anyone else until then.

I'm not looking forward to it, but i know she'll be happy for me in a sad way.

DetentionGrrl - you sound very caring and sympathetic. Congratulations too!

I was in exact same situation as your friend - DH didn't want children and wlthough he knew I did he kept pushing back the boundary. I did find it hard when hearing about people getting PG. But TBH I found it harder if I though they were worried about or reluctant to tell me.

If you would normally tell your friend first then I would still do so. Otherwise she will feel that you feel sorry for her (and I know you do but there is nothing worse than knowing it).

FWIW I eventually had my DS through IVF at age 37. DH then kept putting off thinking about another. Five years later I have had another IVF attempt which was unsuccessful. And I am REALLY angry at my DH. I resent the fact that I let him dictate everything. He knows this too. He is of course completely besotted with our DS who is now 5 and that makes me more angry TBH. Your friend will resent her DP and she and he both need to be aware of that fact. How old is she?

she's 28. which isn't old i know, but her DP has said no for another 2 years. I tried for 6mths for DS, and it felt like a lifetime, but at least DP and i wanted the same things.I'm not sure her DP will ever be ready, and i think she knows that too. she was almost tempted to get pregnant anyway, but she knows she can't do that.

She really needs to have a long hard think about the future. As I said I resent my DH for making me wait. I wish I had left years ago TBH.