Do cheats change?

[sallystar1976]

I've been with my husband 9 years, married for 3 although now separated for the past 4 months.
We have children and had a comfortable life, or so I thought.
So a bit of background, in the very beginning he cheated. I found out years later and was obviously devastated but because it was so early on I believed it was a mistake and we got over it. Even after this I trusted him and we brought our own home etc, babies came, married and all the normal stuff.
Okay sometimes things became monotonous and a bit boring but I believe that happens when it's not just about you two anymore but I still deeply loved him, made lots of effort etc.
Hubby has always liked to go out drinking and does stay out all night whilst I stay home with the children, this happened once or twice a fortnight but I allowed it as his time to himself, always believing he would end up round a friends house and always trusting him 100%.
5 months ago I found out he was having an affair, totally shocked and totally out of the blue, if I say I've been left heartbroken it's an understatement. I've really struggled to come to terms with it and adjust to life alone. I've now heard rumours there have been other women over the years although I don't know if this is true so I decided to ask him to leave and have some time alone.
This has been really difficult as I do still love him and am just so devastated we have become this way.
We barely had contact apart from the children for months. I feel very depressed, I carry on but I'm really not happy.
The last couple weeks things have changed, he says he wants to come back, says he's so sorry he ruined everything and hurt me and will never hurt me again. More than anything I want to believe him but do people change and I wonder why now? Has things become bad between him and the ow? Or could he genuinely be remorseful and we go on to have a happy marriage? I'm frightened of getting hurt again so I've not really said anything when he says this. I just want some advice on where to turn and what people think. Is it once a cheat always a cheat?

[ProcrastinatingSquid2]

Not only has he cheated twice and probably more, it's the fact that he's only just starting to act sorry. That in itself is cruel. I get that people cheat but I think a lot of them do feel guilty about it -not guilty enough to stop but still guilty about the deceit and the pain that they'll inflict if discovered. He apparently hasn't felt any remorse for the pain he's put you through for the first few months -presumably because he was happy with the other woman and thay was all that mattered. I'm guessing he's now acting it out so he can come home. He sounds utterly selfish.
I think you're definitely doing the right thing by not letting him back. You sound lovely and deserve much better than that. And think of the instability for your children if he comes back and then cheats again and then leaves again. Kids need routine and security. And they're lucky they've got a mum who's giving them that and is showing them that relationships shouldn't be about a man cheating and a woman forgiving him again and again when he says the right things (after a few months of enjoying himself).

[jeaux90]

Sorry love but people don't change. There is a big difference between a one time cheater (and just within my experience of friends etc this is usually the exit relationship and often move onto marry or have a ltr with that om/ow) and a serial cheater. If he is a serial cheater he probably won't change. Sorry! Xxx

[Chloeneedshelp]

How are you getting on sallystar1976?