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Original poster

My mum is only happy when her boyfriend is here?

44 replies

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 17:56

My mum is in her 60s been with her boyfriend for 10 years now me and him have never got on and my older brothers also dislike him as he has put my mum in a load of debt and is a compulsive liar. I avoid him when he visits because he irritates me and smokes around me. It's just me and my mum that live together which i love as I enjoy her company and she's been great throughout my pregnancy. She keeps moaning that she wishes Mike was here (her partner) "it's so boring without Mike here" and I went to pick up her phone and her messages were left on and she said I miss you so much I can't wait to see you tomorrow. This obviously makes me feel shitty because I'm always in good spirits and enjoy living with my mum we do everything together and she's never that happy. She's just came back from being in town with him now and she's so happy you would of thought she's won the lottery! Am I just being over sensitive? Hope I don't sound like a bratty adult but i just don't understand her.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/11/2016 19:03

Come on OP you're not going to he able to give your mother the feels her boyfriend does. No matter how much time you spend together.

She's old enough to live her own life the way she wants and from the sounds of it her own mistakes. Try and separate her personal happy between you and your siblings. They're not the same thing.

AmyFlower · 19/11/2016 19:08

I understand where you're coming from OP, your Mum sounds like she could do a lot better than Mike.

Bambamrubblesmum · 19/11/2016 19:50

You are jealous and are looking to undermine her relationship with Mike.

She's entitled to make her own choices. You are not her keeper.

Time you moved out. I'm sure she won't be lonely.

And why are you checking her phone??? None of your business what she texts him.

baconandeggies · 19/11/2016 20:12

I think I know what you mean OP. She does sound like an excited teenager; and it's her life, she has every right to be... But - her saying ""it's so boring without Mike here" is quite rude when you're sat right there!

Did you say something like "Oh THANKS very much!" ?

TheBouquets · 19/11/2016 20:34

I could have written similarly. The bit I don't get is that people seem to go "all or nothing" on boyfriends/girlfriends and it seems to affect all ages judging from this post. Why do they seem to drop their other relatives in this case the Mum has actually travelled to see the boyfriend without even calling in at her son's house which is nearby. I think it is the way others are discarded that causes the problems of trying to get everyone to get along. Does this mum not see that her children are unhappy to be ignored especially when the boyfriend is so favoured.

furryminkymoo · 19/11/2016 22:51

Ten years is a long time. Just he happy for her like you would a friend

saintagur · 20/11/2016 05:31

I get you OP. You are genuinely concerned for your mother as she is being fleeced by this inconsiderate loser. It is sad that she can't see it and horrible to see her being used like that; also hurtful to you and your siblings that you are so obviously second best, and a long way second best. But,as the saying goes 'Love is blind', so i can't see what you can do, unfortunately.

Why did you leave home so young? Do you think you and your mother grew apart then?

GloriaGaynor · 20/11/2016 09:25

Just he happy for her like you would a friend

You'd be happy for a friend to be with a compulsive liar who shafted her financially?

herwegoagain123 · 20/11/2016 21:52

Get a life of your own.FFS

herwegoagain123 · 20/11/2016 21:54

You have said you enjoy her company and she is kind to you. How much more can she give? She has been very accommodating to you. You should be grateful.

AyeAmarok · 20/11/2016 22:03

Are you maybe just feeling a bit sensitive, jealous and insecure as your own relationship didn't work out?

Mamatallica · 20/11/2016 22:10

It's your own fault you got in this mess and your mother is being kind enough to help you out, you repay her by resenting and bitching about her boyfriend, how nice. Hmm As for your brother, maybe he has his own life and doesn't want his mum calling round all the time? Most adults don't. It sounds like your life is a disaster and you are resenting the happiness of the rest of your family, as PP have said, it's time to grow up.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 21/11/2016 01:32

Why are posters being so sympathetic to a compulsive liar who puts his partner in debt, insists on smoking around the pregnant OP, and lives in what sounds like a squat to avoid paying rent? He sounds a bloody nightmare. I can understand the OP's frustration- I'd be irritated if my mum was lovestruck over a loser. And he could be living with your mum if he chose to pay rent like an adult.

OP I think there is little you can do though. Your mum has to make her own choices and mistakes. I would try to limit the impact it has on you though. And if she says "it's so boring without Mike", " oh, I was enjoying your company actually, that's quite a rude thing to say".

MrsSnootch · 21/11/2016 01:37

OP your mum deserves happiness!!

Maybe being preggers has made you bit hormonal and too heavily reliant on our mum / dramatic.

MissVictoria · 21/11/2016 01:43

Yes, you're being insensitive and unreasonable.
Your mother is in a long term relationship, she is happy, and she understandably wants to spend as much of her time as possible with him.
You are living in her home, you should be gracious of that fact and if she wants him there, she has every right to have him there.
A parental relationship is completely different to a romantic relationship.
I live with my dad, i love him to bits, he's my absolute best friend in the world and my total hero, but i'd still rather be spending time with a partner!
You don't have to like him, but you need to tolerate him for her sake

MissVictoria · 21/11/2016 01:49

Also, remember that your mum has spend every moment of her life for the years you and your brothers were young caring for you, being there for you 24/7. She's done the majority of her parenting, you're now all grown up and leading your own lives. She may well want a bit of space and independence with nobody being dependent on her.
She's an adult in the later stages of her own life, so she's living them her way and enjoying herself.
Her partner may not be perfect, but she's happy, let her be.

LucyBabs · 21/11/2016 01:55

Ah yes hysterical pregnant woman Mrs Confused

For Christ sake the OP is only 21 and worried about her mother. Yes OK she may be immature..
The ops step father sounds a peach!

GloriaGaynor · 22/11/2016 08:39

Why are posters being so sympathetic to a compulsive liar who puts his partner in debt, insists on smoking around the pregnant OP, and lives in what sounds like a squat to avoid paying rent? He sounds a bloody nightmare. I can understand the OP's frustration- I'd be irritated if my mum was lovestruck over a loser.

Quite. Either they've glossed over those bits or they have low expectations. 'Not perfect' is understatement of the bloody year.

HuskyLover1 · 22/11/2016 18:35

You've had a hard time on this thread Op. I totally understand why you feel the way you do. He's a liar, he's mean and he has gotten your Mum into debt and may possibly squander your inheritance over the coming years And you love your Mum. It's hard to stand by and watch this car crash of a relationship. Can you talk to her about the debt. This could get worse the older and more vulnerable she becomes.

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