Husband dinner with a woman

[user1479536240]

I wanted some female perspective. My husband works abroad. He comes home every other weekend. He has a great commuting flat and it all works well for us. He has mates who I've met and of them is a women. We get on great and she goes over with another make work colleague for dinner quite often. Tonight she's going over for dinner on her own as the make work colleague has gone home (he also commutes).

She's single and openly looking for a partner. She's taking things over for our kids my husband asked her to get as we are going over next weekend.

I trust my husband but I don't think it's a good idea to have a female friend over on a Saturday night for dinner when your married. I know he will make a good effort with lovely food and music etc. and it's all innocent but it's doesn't feel right. I've told him and he said he cancel. He with fine with that but should I just let them have dinner? Alone in his flat seems really inappropriate on a Saturday night?

Most of my friends are male and either married or as good as (i.e. in long-term stable relationships). I frequently got out with them just the two of us, sometimes for dinner. Including, shock, horror, Saturdays!

I love my male friends like the brothers I never had. I may be single, but doesn't mean I want to shag them, nor them me. We click on so many levels, but we're not physically each other's types. Even if I found any of them attractive (which I don't), I don't believe in cheating.

If anyone of my mates cancelled dinner because their OHs didn't feel comfortable with the two of us going out, that would be a massive red flag and I would warn them accordingly. You can't dictate your OH's friends; that's massively controlling and unhealthy.

Before marriage I couldn't have men as just friends. Perhaps we all just drank more alcohol then and had sex drives. Not everyone's the same.

Or maybe Bagina you had no self-control. It's really sad to think that some married people think every single person as a threat.

My partner travels for work a lot and usually with the same group of work colleagues ( several women).

I have no issue with them having meals/drinks either as a group of 1:1 but if my partner had a 1:1 meal with drinks and music in the apartment with one of the women it would make me very uncomfortable. I wouldn't tell him not to, but I know I would worry.

Whether it's fine or nor depends entirely on their intentions.

If there's no remote interest on either side then it's perfectly fine. If there is then it's not.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable having dinner with a married man at his place on a Saturday night as it would feel too much like a date. And I wouldn't want his wife to spend a second having the kind of thoughts that you're having.

It's difficult to know, you may be right to feel uneasy. I would listen to your instinct.

Wow.

I've always had male friends, from a very young age, whom I'm very close to. And a lot I've picked up since then too.

I've successfully managed to never have sex with any of them, or make a pass at any of them, even through huge benders, drugs, sharing hotel rooms etc. But then I've always been able to control myself and don't find that I want sex with someone just because I'm in close proximity to them.

My husband is out right now with a female friend. I hope he has a bloody good time, and I'm enjoying having the sofa and remote to myself, catching up on TV I've recorded and gorging on baileys and Xmas snacks.

That's lovely everyone, but the OP clearly isn't bothered by her DH having friends of the opposite sex, just this one so I wonder why? This isn't about everyone else, this is the OP only being concerned in this case so I wouldn't dismiss this as her being controlling when she clearly isn't normally.

I really think you should trust your gut instinct here. I do think friends of the opposite sex are fine , but sometimes you just get a gut feeling about a certain one.

If your gut tells you to worry, you probably should.

Working away sadly often leads to inappropriate relationships. I found that out the hard way.

Before marriage I couldn't have men as just friends

Really, did you feel a mutual attraction with every man you knew?

I have always had lots of male friends who don't attract in the slightest and some that I find attractive but it is not reciprocated,

Maybe examine what's behind the uneasy feeling, is it something different about him? Jealousy on your part? Cause this woman is getting to spend time with someone (I'm assuming) you'd very much like to spend time with.

If it's something within yourself then take some time to think how you can address this n whether your husband needs to do something to help you.

If it's something about him then that's another conversation you need to have with him.

She's not really the issue IMO