cafcass 'children's wishes and feelings?'

[bubblyandsparkly]

I am currently going though a very difficult divorce. We are 8 months in and currently I have the children 17, 12 and 14 living with me and their dad sees younger two midweek for dinner (2hrs) and then all day Saturday 8 hrs. Over this time he has never asked for increased contact and doesn't text or call them between contact. he has been a controlling and very disciplinarian father and husband over the years, relationships with the children were never loving and caring more I say and you do! Our 17 year old stopped direct contact with him after witnessing him violently assault me me post -separation. He has now entered a new relationship (poor her) with a younger woman with a child, they now appear to be co-habiting. Without any attempt to speak to me about increased contact made a direct application for full custody. I know this is purely in spite to me, as he threatened me with this when I left him. with the words 'you are dead to me and I will destroy you'. He knows this is his one and only weapon against me and was the reason I stayed with him many many years longer than I should have. I have been through hell and back these last few months. Following the first hearing the Court ordered a section 7 report and that is in process at the moment, we return to court in a few weeks for the next hearing. My solicitor has advised he will certainly not get full residency but will likely be offered weekend overnights and half the holidays (standard) - the children are freaking out saying they want to leave things as they are, they don't want overnights EVER, they are scared of him when hes angry and don't want to be forced into staying with him or holidays. He is a heavy drinker and volatile. He has never physically harmed them, but is an emotional bully. A day at a time they can cope with but no more. I know the Cafcass reporter is supposed to present the children's wishes and feelings to court, but the things I read on here make me dubious about how much they actually take on board. If the children tell them they genuinely don't want to increase contact and are fearful of overnights will that be taken into consideration? What I am dreading is an order saying they have to go and then I am left to deal with them getting distraught every weekend when they don't want to. I have shared my concerns over the children's feelings about overnights with the officer, but I felt they were dismissed as being petty and that I should just get over it. I pretty much feel like it will happen he has rights so we have to all suck it up! Where do the children's feelings come into it? what is the point of asking them how they feel and then ignoring it? has any one had a positive experience of the Cafcass report taking the children's opinions into consideration and presenting them to court?

I think that's excellent advice, bubbly.

That's fantastic news! As a Cafcass Officer myself, it's so good to hear positive feedback about the service your children have received. Although it's still down to the judge/ magistrates what the final outcome will be, its highly likely that they'll follow the Cafcass recommendations.

Thanks Sammygold, I take my hat of to the officer I had. She was lovely with the children, and in the case of my DD used creative ways of communicating with her due to her learning difficulties. She was prompt and professional with all aspects of the assessment and was firm but fair in her report. It was a messy case but she managed to untangle the facts and produce a report that I hope the court will be happy to follow. She hasn't closed the door on overnights and holidays, but has suggested how HE needs to demonstrate that he can meet the children's emotional & physical needs over a period of time so that THEY feel positive about increasing contact. She used quotes from the children to highlight their worries and concerns and suggested ways that he could address these. There was certainly no sitting on the fence! If hope that other parents with the same worries I have will take some comfort in this. I will update you after the hearing in two weeks. I have many other court dates to follow as he likes to get me jumping through hoops, lol

Your FCA sounds very professional which is exactly what your children deserve. Yes, it would be great to get an update. Fingers crossed!

Try and put your faith in the system. I dreaded the whole thing, turned out they were brilliant, judges saw straight through ex as did SS.

Thanks Pisssssedofff its great to hear the positive outcomes!

That's great news for you. I hope the court result follows what Cafcass says.

me too Ratbagcatbag! Although i'm now worried that STBX will take the report out on the kids at the weekend as some of the things they have shared about him will not go down well at all

Hi bubblyandsparkly

I have been reading though the posts in this thread in my sleepless nights as find myself in a very very similar situation and emotionally abused by ex...

Yet to have the section 7 report done and my daughter's meeting...

I do wish to know what happened at the hearing post cafcass report, if it is not too hard for you to have to talk about here.
I do hope it's all sorted and you and the children do not have to go though any of this any more but I am yet to gain trust in legal system and am worried it puts a big strain on the wrong people.