Friend Crisis

[NightTrain]

So. A bit of background to the story:

My closest friend is a guy, let's call him Frank. Frank and I spent a lot of time together, going out before I had DD and still met up, went for coffee, etc. Normal friendship.

He then decided that he would get a bit flirty over text and I had no problem with this. I didn't rise to it but I had to know if this was how he felt when he had a drink in, or all the time. I can deal with either answer but not knowing was going to drive me crazy. He never answered. A few weeks later, I hit my limit and exploded when my depression pulled me down and I needed to know where I stood. We stopped talking for a few weeks and I messaged to say I was sorry for being Super Bitch and asked if we could talk. He agreed. Nothing happened. The next time I text him, he wasn't keen on replying when I cried for help - I was in a pretty bad place mentally. I have since sent one message and had no reply. Fine.

A mutual friend of ours was round and mentioned she had seen him during the time we weren't talking and he had been ranting on, depressed, that women were shit and relationships weren't worth it, yada yada.

I assume he has some feelings for me and I feel responsible for him getting into the state she described.

What do I do? Do I try to get him to talk to me? Or do I leave well alone? If I do the latter, I have a feeling that will be game over between us. I seriously need help with this shit - it's driving me crackers and the devil is trying to make work for my idle thumbs. And I miss my best mate

I would leave it.

Thanks Amanda had a feeling that would be the response but part of me was/is in denial. I'll remove his number from my phone to save temptation

Sounds like he made his move and when it wasn't reciprocated in the way he expected, got embarrassed and flounced off. I'm afraid he's shown his true colours and it's not your fault. You're not responsible for him and it seems he doesn't want to be friends.

I had a similar situation. I was left feeling betrayed that a friendship wasn't good enough, and sort of used.

That's ok night train. It's honestly the best thing. No good can come from this now.

It seems a shame to lose your friendship over this. Especially if he's your best mate.

Perhaps you could have an honest conversation with him and see what's going on with him?

I am sorry about your depression. You've been in turmoil

But I am wondering whatever's going on with him is at least reciprocated in part by you. Or you are at least flattered. Or at least needed to keep him close to support you.
I say this because you have said you "needed to know how he felt " rather than asserting how you felt when he first got flirty with you. New flirtiness means something, I think. It's understandable the you were scared to confront it at first.

It's sad that he changed the dynamic between you and you didn't expect it, but I think you need to disengage now - for his sake and yours.

If you're not interested in him that way, then you should let him be until he finds someone else. It wouldn't be fair on him otherwise.

Of course I'm flattered by it - doesn't mean I want to act on it! We have been through some really tough times together, my dad having a stroke, his granny passing, etc. And you know when you have an inkling that there's something you're not being told and that curiosity appears that is fatal to felines? I had that. If he wasn't wanting more, then that's fine. But if he was, I could then put him straight in a gentle way. I was his wingman when we were out.

bacon I think you've hit the nail on the head. I will leave well alone for now. As difficult as it is for me to do...

Thanks everyone