Just became a single parent again

[ProseccoandPizza]

I've had anxiety to the point of contemplating whether I'm having a breakdown for the last few weeks, tonight a week of arguements and bickering with dp have come to a head and he's grabbed a bin bag full of clothes and left.

I'm struggling with the change to mine and DS's lifestyle still, the challenges of step parenting, a relationship that isn't on sturdy ground as well as looming assignments in university in my first year as a mature student.

I don't know why tonight escalated from a small bicker over the boiler to a massive deal. Now Ex dp (not father of my six year old DS) last told me he's on top of a mountain/cliff 15 miles away because he's had enough. Has turned off sharing his iPhone location with me. I just can't work out what to do.

Ds and I moved 25 miles away from our home town earlier this year to be with dp. Changed schools, the college campus I would be studying at etc.

For someone with anxiety already I can't get my brain to quiet enough to sleep. How will I change DS's school again? Change college/uni campus? Deal with an assessment/lectures and childcare tomorrow without DP to pick up and look after DS.

After talking things over with friends and dm I genuinely believe I need help to deal with what I see as a EA relationship. I can't allow my son to see/hear this again - it is why I left his father five years ago.

I feel like a horrible mother. Why did I put DS through all of this? Why didnt I foresee this?

No-one can see the future.

Keep breathing and focus on the moment. Just this minute. Do what you have to do in this minute.

Wherever your DP is or what he is doing is irrelevant. He chose to go. You do the practical things you need to do for you and ds.

I found that doing housework helped. Its simple and gives a sense of achievement.

In the morning if there is no solution to the childcare issue, phone uni and tell them why you're not in. They'll have come across the situation before.

Thank you.

I'm trying. I went and cleaned up kitchen (dinner was cooked and uneaten)

Still trying to work out what to do about uni.

Speak to uni.

I find that just talking it through out loud with a real person helps and lessens the anxiety.

One step at a time lovely. Phone uni and discuss with them and then sit down and make a plan that works for you.

Think you'll have to leave your little one with a childminder after school. They will pick him up from school and keep him at theirs. I would say ignore his behaviour as he's looking for you to cave in and tell him to come back and he is also looking for a reaction.

He already is with a childminder after school (3-6:30 twice a week) however my lectures end at 7:30 pm on a Monday and 8:15pm on a Wednesday. Plus a 45 minute once an hour bus journey home without XDP picking me up.

Spoken to uni and I'm only going in for my assessment today and leaving early. Also got details of course heads to see if I can transfer to another campus.

Most universities have a great counselling service too. Use this to help with your anxiety (it will be free, so definetely worth making the most of)

I never go into uni tbh, just show my face for an hour a week and work from home. So far so good, do you really have to go in ?

I pretty much do the same with the late evening lectures. Find it much easier to work from home once I've got the gist of something.

I literally went in for my presentation, got feedback and left.