DH and I have been together for 16 years and have two small kids.
In all honesty we were never that great together. We don't have any interests in common. He isn't that interested in doing things with me, or talking to me. I have gradually found myself talking to him less and less about my interests because while he's willing enough to listen to me (to humour me), he's obviously not that interested.
He disregards everything I say so I've turned into a nag. He has no concept of keeping the house tidy, of putting his things away as he goes along, or of priorities - I found him scrubbing the stained bottom of an old frying pan this morning in his dressing gown 15 minutes before we were all supposed to be leaving to get the kids to school and get to work.
He can't keep his temper with the kids. They're okay - not perfect, and a little prone to messing, but he lets them away with loads and grumbles ineffectually at them and they've learned that they can get away with things with him so they just don't listen. Then he snaps suddenly and starts roaring at them. I've talked to him about it so, so many times; while he's talking to me he says he agrees that he needs to control him temper but once they start acting up, he thinks it's all theif fault if they make him angry, because they won't listen. They don't act up as much with me, so I don't think they're the problem.
We've been living with my parents for a while due to a complicated house move, and my parents have commented that it feels like a house share. They think he doesn't really engage with either of them, or me. Also, he's completely disregarding all their house rules (some of which aren't necessarily the most rational, but it is their house so tough!) which is really annoying them. They asked me to have a word with him and I had to say that I've been 'having a word with him' pretty much every day, and he agrees each time that he'll try harder, but by the next day he's back to doing his own thing and disregarding everything we say. He takes the kids to see his mother at the weekend; he tells us they'll be home at 5 for dinner but turns up at 6:30 and when we say we've kept dinner, says he's fed the kids already - stuff like that, every single weekend. They're trying to empty the freezer at the moment and keep asking us not to buy any food, but he keeps going shopping regardless and we can't eat the stuff fast enough to keep up. He leaves the front and back doors open when he's outside and lets all the heat out - my mother has very severe health problems and feels the cold really badly, but no matter how many times I say it, it makes no difference.
He keeps buying toys for the kids. Every time he's out anywhere with them he buys them something. I keep asking and asking him not to; we can't afford it (I spend my life nagging him about money, he never gives a second's thought to money, just spends when he feels like it and I've been picking up the pieces of that for years), we don't have room in my parents' house for all the stuff, they'll never appreciate anything if they have a new toy every second day and I think it's a bit unfair that he always gets to be the one to buy them stuff! And he agrees that he overdoes it, but does it again the next day, regardless.
I just find myself wondering what the point of it all is. I do nothing but nag him, and he just ignores everything I say. He doesn't want to spend time with me - last weekend I asked him if we could have a chat and he said 'but we talked at lunchtime!' - we had eaten with the kids and the conversation was mainly with them. We have an actualy interesting conversation between ourselves maybe every second or third week. I find myself following myself around the house like a needy dog looking for attention and it's getting embarrassing. And he just doesn't understand what it is I think is missing. He thinks everything is fine.
As it happens, we've had offers accepted on two houses. One of them would need two incomes (and is considerably nicer!), the other I know I could just about afford on my own if he paid maintenance (which he would). I sort of feel like it's crunch time, I need to make a decision about our relationship before going ahead with either one.
I don't know what to do. I'm torn between thinking I'm expecting too much and being too much of a controlling wagon, and thinking that there should be more to a marriage than this.