Hubby always very protective about his phone, but mistakenly gave away his PIN whilst sloshed (ha, ha). I had a look at his texts and Facebook texts (yes, they have those, convenient eh?) and he has been texting two women he used to go to school with - one more flirtatiously than the other - who he also secretly met for coffee last week. Not for want of trying with the other one though, he offered to cancel a work do he was scheduled to go to in order to meet her. I felt sick, although the texts didn't suggest an actual physical affair. Stewed on it for a couple of days, did lots of research on mumsnet, then went in hard last night, saying that I had read his texts and that he had one chance only to make a clean breast of it all. He tried to gaslight me first (very proficient at this, but now I'm wise to it) and finally admitted he was in the wrong, shouldn't have kept it secret etc, didn't want to lose me or our 17 year marriage, and what did he want me to do. So I said, no more contact, I want to see your phone, take off the passcode. Evening ended quite amicably, but I slept in the spare room. Had another spat this morning - I had drafted a short text which I wanted him to send 'My wife was not aware that I've been contacting you, she is understandably upset, there will be no further communication' - and he says, no worries, already sent a text like that! I said, but I asked you not to contact them without discussing it with me. He said, I'd already realised you'd seen the texts so I have told them that's it and deleted everything. I said, so you've covered your tracks then - and why didn't you tell me this last night when you had your one chance for a full and frank confession. Tried to gaslight (knew how you'd react etc). So said, hang on matey, this isn't about MY behaviour, it's about YOURS and you need to take responsibility. After further discussion, seemed to get to a place which seemed more positive, with plan to talk more later. So, hey ho. I have his phone. Checked it. There's a text from 'Spare' saying, oh sorry, but I feel like I've lost a friend, you know where I am if you ever need me. Interesting. Looked in contacts. 'Spare' is set up with no number. Did a bit more digging, managed to restore the contacts. Turns out, surprise surprise, 'Spare' is one of the 'deleted never to be contacted again' women. There is another odd looking contact called 'Sasha', which I've called and goes to voicemail. So, although I think I know the answer to all this, please let me have your thoughts. Please don't rant at me for being a stupid cow to not see what's in front of me. I am able to leave him financially if I decide to. My thoughts are that I probably need a break from him and be on my own to better decide the way forward. I love him and think he loves me, but I now can't trust him.