No Sex - Would you stay?

[user1479064517]

Evening all,

My partner and I have been together for 3 years, in our early twenties with an infant young son. Our sex life is pretty much non-existent, it has got to the point where we rarely have it at all anymore. We have had it 2 times in the past 3 months. I used to try to initiate a lot but I would get rejected, so I have pretty much stopped trying.

When we do have sex it is very wooden. He is not interested in oral, touching or trying anything new. Just bog-standard stick it in. Most of the time I do not orgasm as he doesn't like to touch me or give oral. He will often finish and then just roll over and go to sleep. I have suggested many things that we could try and he always rejects them. It is like he just isn't interested in having sex.

I know it is wrong to compare, but my sex life with my ex was incredible. He always made sure that we were both satisfied and enjoyed ourselves. He was totally open to new things. My sex life with my current OH couldn't be more different.

I've tried to talk to him about it, I have asked him what is wrong and if there is anything he would like to do. He always says there is nothing wrong, that he doesn't see what the big deal is and makes out I am sex obsessed?

I know it sounds terrible, but I often fantasise about other men. I don't get any sexual attention from my OH. He never looks at me in a lustful way and when we do have sex its usually because I have nagged and badgered him. I've started to resent him because I feel as though I have lost so much of my femininity and sexuality.

So my question is, would you stay in a sexless relationship? Am I just being totally selfish? I feel like I should stay and make things work for my son, but after 3 years it is killing me to never feel wanted.

Hopefully the counselling will make a difference. As we are getting it on the NHS the GP advised that it could be up to year until we actually get an appointment.

I am hoping it won't take that long for an appointment. I don't know if I could deal with this for another 2+ years. By that point our son would be old enough to comprehend what was happening too.

I don't know if counselling could even help with all of this. If he doesn't like touching vaginas/oral how can that be fixed? You can't fix a selfish personality

Try the counselling. If that's unsuccessful, then walk. Possibly he is exhibiting princess syndrome, where in his mind, you are sexually untouchable because you're the mother of his child, and thus not an object of lust#; but holy, removed, clean; but he can get off watching 'slutty' women getting it all ways via porn.

You're too young to settle for this. If this is how you feel after a mere 3 years imagine 6 or 10! Get out. Whilst your child is young enough to adapt.

I don't have any sage advice that hasn't already been given, it sounds like you have just about exhausted the options. I was a single parent at 24, it was not part of the plan at all but it worked out amazingly. Hapy parents make better parents and if that means them being apart then so be it. You do not want your dc growing up thinking that sadness and nagging is a normal relationship.
Out of interest, do you know what sort of porn he favours? If there is a specific genre that he heads for that may give you an idea.

Have you told him how unhappy you are about it and how deeply it is affecting your relationship?

Possibly he is exhibiting princess syndrome
Or possibly he is following the format of most porn scenarios where it is all about satisfying the man's fantasies and the woman is an accessory to that.
OP you are tying yourself in knots trying to make the relationship work.
Is he?

My exh was like this. Finally found out he was bisexual and having an emotional (possibly physical) affair with his best friend. I left. If he hadn't been having some sort of affair I still would have left. Although this is incredibly shallow sex is a really important part of a relationship for me because I feel better connected to my partner, obviously it is not everything, but a big part.

My current partner does watch porn (with me sometimes too) and we have a great sex life. We don't constantly jump on each other but we probably dtd 2/3 times per week and ensure that we are both mutually satisfied.

If it I any consolation I was a single parent at 24 and 37 and although it is not easy it is better than being with someone like that.

He sounds awful.

You poor thing.

I'd leave.

I'm also scared that no other man would want me because I would be a young single mum.

This isn't the case. There are lots of single mums doing a great job and they've found a more compatible man.

They are also lots of men who are dads andwould be happy to have a relationship with a single mum.

Why subject yourself to almost no Intimacy for life. You can't change him if he doesn't like touching and stimulating you. Life's too short to waste in a relationship where your needs aren't being met and where the future is bleak.

Does he even kiss you intimately? Whatever good qualities he may have, do they outweigh you the right to a fulfilling sexual relationship?

Does he even understand the importance of this to you?

FGS, no man will want you cos you have one child, behave and just stop!

And stop trying to fix something that is unfixable, it's HIM, not you, I get he doesn't like oral but he doesn't like touching - well tell him to fuck off then because most normal human beings like being touched by their partner.

He's either gay and is hiding it (a lot do, even go on to get married and have kids) or he is getting his rocks off some other way.

Who cares, fact is he is treating you like crap and no I would not stay with a man that neither desired or wanted me or showed it, there's no relationship there.

I broke up with my partner earlier this year over this issue. There were others, but the total lack of sex life and apparent indifference to it made me feel it was pointless to stay in the 'relationship'. So far it's worked out well, still sorting myself out from a practical point of view but it really hasn't been that traumatic and I feel pretty positive about the single mum thing now, far more so than staying stuck in a situation that wasn't likely to ever change or be fulfilling.

Wanting a sex life, and wanting to feel desirable is not unreasonable. You deserve a chance to have that with someone else and you can arrange things so that your DS gets plenty of time with his dad and that will also give you some freedom back and time to maybe meet someone new. Obviously it won't be easy to have that conversation but with my now ex partner, we've managed to stay very amicable perhaps in part because the passion was gone. It's a case of ripping off the plaster, as kindly as you can I think. It will be ok. Sounds like the right decision to me and your DS will adapt well being so young and assuming you can sort things out without too much drama. Best of luck

Thank you for all your comments, I have just got the chance to read them all now as my LO has gone to bed.

He is okay in other regards. He is a good dad to our son on the whole, a little short tempered at times but they have a great relationship. He does help out with doing things for our child like the bedtime routine. He is affectionate in other ways, he is quite clingy with cuddles at times. As I am typing this I am realising that I actually have very few good points to list

At times it is like living with a teenager rather than a grown man. I have to repeat myself 2-3 times until he listens most times. For example, I will ask him to hang the washing up, he won't be listening and I will have to repeat it again.

He also does careless things like I will tell him time and time again not to put wet towels on the bed, or not to hang clothes off the picture rails and he continues to do it. I could deal with these nit picks if we had a good relationship in other departments.

I feel horrible saying it but it's got to the stage where most things he does irritate me. I feel like I've been ranting on this forum but it's the only place I can really talk openly about this

SandyY2K - No we very rarely kiss passionately, most of the time it is peck kissing. Also I have told him time and time again how important this issue is to me, but nothing changes. All of the progress is because of my coercion. He doesn't take time to do his own research or try to fix things. If it were left to him our relationship would just trundle on because it suits him for it to be that way.

Surely you must see the role of mother and child is not one you want to be in, and you must be able to deduce that you can find a far more satisfying and equal relationship with a man who is not a man child, no wonder you have zero respect for him.

I think it's time you called it a day, you have told him over and over, he's not interested, if he was, he would be doing what you ask, it's hardly rocket science either, he's apathetic to the point I think you need to give yourself a rest and just stop cos no amount of nagging will change it.

Porn addicted?

Try and imagine your life 20 years from now. If you stay, what a waste.
Leave him, it will never improve.

Tony man, just start your own thread instead of posting the same thing on multiple old threads.