Too tired for sex,

[user1479050721]

I have a two year old, I work part time and do all the house chores.
When I get time to myself I just like to sit and watch tv or browse the Internet.

My problem is I have lost interest in sex. My husband is starting to give me the silent treatment. He wants me to be more affectionate but when I am affectionate he always assumes it's going to lead to sex, so I've stopped being affectionate. I don't do it on purpose, I love him and I'm still attracted to him but just to tired for sex.
I wouldn't mind having sex just to please him but he doesn't want that. Which I can totally understand. He wants me to be honest with him but I don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I know if I be honest with him he'll just want to pay even more attention to me in the bedroom area to get me to enjoy it.
I know this sounds totally pathetic. It's not that I don't enjoy it but I honestly don't seem interested.
I've tried doing it for him regardless how I feel but I just end up resenting doing it.

I don't know how to make this better.
Would just like to talk to people going through the same.

You should never just think about paid work as contribution... it's all the work in your day that is taking your energy. So he has his job which sounds like normal hours, and you work part time AND all the housework AND all the child related stuff. You are too tired for sex. If he helped out more then maybe you would be less tired..

For context.

I work part time and DP works full time and is out the house monday to Friday 8.00-6.00 in a horrible job.

He gets up with the baby and sorts out her breakfast, does dishes and cleans kitchen from night before. He gets himself ready (which involves DESTROYING the bathroom) and gets me up at 7.45 with a cup of tea.

In the day I do childcare bathroom and floor cleaning, general tidying, laundry, meal planning and food shopping. I make most of our teas. He takes over childcare when he gets home from work apart from one night when he plays footie and goes for a shitload of few drinks. I do freelance work so do a bit of that every night plus I probably go out for a meal/drinks with friends one weeknight a week.

Weekends vary, I go out more than he does on the weekends and sometimes I do full work days. Housework is split quite evenly on weekends, he does jobs that I can't be arsed with like hoovering the sofa but I still do most the cooking because I enjoy it. We both hate the dishes so they're split, I probably do more. He likes organising stuff so does stuff like that.

We split night waking a according to who is more done in, but it's pretty equal.

I'm bowing out OP, you have now just posted the complete opposite of what you originally said, for instance:

Plus when he gets up in the morning all he has to do is organise himself. Me and our little girl get up at the same time but he doesn't expect to help out coz he has to go to work. I have to go to (a little later) but I still have to organise me and dad and get ironing done so it's not sitting there later.

Can't really help with two differing posts.

First of all, OP, can I say that I am sorry that you're having difficulties in your relationship, but your problem is fairly common

Sex is - on average - much more important to men than women. And I think many women just cannot appreciate how important, quite understandably. Also - and this is even more common - women do far more of the work about the house. And finally it is also normal for women to be less interested in sex in the early years after the birth of children

So we end up with scenario - DP/DH wants to sex, but the woman is too tired or not bothered

I think both sides in these situations need to try harder. The man needs to bring more romance and effort to the partnership, while the woman also needs to make an effort, to just get on and have sex

If no action is taken, this can lead to the end of a relationship, or the "rubbing along together OK" scenario which is in the long term a pretty poor arrangement - I know I wouldn't put up with it

Both parties should have equal leisure time. On the face of it, he wants you to take some time to yourself. So do it! He is

Hi adora1

Sorry what do you mean two different postings.

I did do a typo and try to correct in next post . The comp changed dd to dad! But may be that's not what your getting it.

I tried to talk to him.
I said to him may be if he helped out more, it would be a little less for me to do and may be I would feel more in the mood for sex. He said he doesn't know what else he can do.

I agree there has to be communication. I feel so confused. I want to ask him for help but feel he does enough, so I feel guilty for asking. I'm lost.
I feel as if I have all these boxes to tick and obviously the last one is sex and that isn't happening.
I haven't even got it that tough.

I think sometimes I feel resentment as nothing much has changed for him and he doesn't get why I'm moaning.
May be I'm just annoyed coz im not balancing things the way I thought I would be able to.

I don't even know how I'm meant to feel.

I read other people's situations and think wtf am I moaning about.

You probably don't want sex because you do all the drudge work and get little thanks for it - that's a huge passion killer.

Does he do nothing around the house? Laundry? Bins? Load the dishwasher? Cook dinner occasionally?

I work PT and DP works full-time so I do a bit more housework, but no way would I accept him coming home and doing nothing. He does laundry, washes up (I cook), vacuums and when I work weekends, he'll often clean the bathroom or kitchen.

Why do you think he shouldn't contribute to housework? Earning a wage isn't a get-out-of-cleaning card. If he lived alone he'd have to do it, so why shouldn't he do it now?

He empties the bins and does clean the kitchen but only occasionally.....to the point if he does it I'm like 'wow'. He cuts the grass in the summer.

It's not that he's lazy, he really isn't but I think he's just fell into this habit of me doing thing. His mother was a SAHM so may be on some level he's used to the woman of the house doing all these things.

I really love him and I don't want to be feeling like this. I feel like every time I approach the situation that I'm making him feel like I don't love him. May be he's manipulative and doesn't realise.
Really he is such a good guy but yet I'm feeling this way. I always end up feeling like I should apologise when I feel like this.

Someone asked if I'd been for a health check - not recently. Got iron Nd thyroid levels checked last year but they were ok.
Depressed? How would doctors diagnos?

He offered you time on your own, suggested you went shopping, but you didn't want to because of 'family time'?
FGS woman!!

Doctors have a little survey they use to help diagnose depression - they'll ask you about your moods, diet, sleep pattern, stress levels and how you respond to those things. At least, that's what happened when I was diagnosed about six years ago.

Try looking at it this way - your DC is in childcare, say, three days a week. You pay for that. So when you're home for the other two days, why are you expected to do that childcare, plus run the house?

Yes, there are bits you can do during the day - go to the supermarket, put some laundry on, maybe prepare dinner, but when you're both in the house, the work needs to be split equally.

How was he with housework before you had children?

Sorry op bit his working hours are not long at all im.married to a farmer and his day starts at 645 am and he is rarely finished work by 9pm. We have dairy cows and it's 7 days a week ( even xmas day ) he is working. That's hard work ! In the harvest sometimes he wasn't home till after midnight. 9 Pm is actually early. You are actually sounding annoying now way you keep saying you feel guilty asking him to help. It's like your a martyr. End of the day if your tired take the help offered . Go out one night per week ? Bet he doesn't feel guilty trotting off to golf

Another one here who thinks you should take the time offered at the weekend. My interest in sex is massively influenced by having time to relax and recharge on my own.