Should I let this go?

[Letyoufly]

Name changed..
I think I just need to get this off my chest but any perspective welcome..
For the last few years I've had a "thing" with a guy. We'd known each other for a couple years before this. We don't have children. When it all started he'd just come out of a relationship and he confided in me about how hurt he'd been and we really clicked. I wanted it to go somewhere but it remained casual with me holding on to perhaps misguided hope that it'd progress. As time went on I continued to sleep with him but looking back he was essentially living his new single life with me as a back up. Fast forward to now, he's moved away from where I live but we keep in touch. I know he has feelings for me and I definitely have for him, we both have said there's a connection between us but I can't see us ever working out and I'm finding it quite hard to accept.. I'd almost put it behind me until we spoke a few weeks ago and it dragged it all up and I haven't been able to get him out of my head since. I should give up on this, it's never going to work is it?

How old are you both?

Pardon the phrase, but it seems it's time to shit or get off the pan.

Just because it hasn't worked doesn't mean it won't but you both really need to feel the time is right to make a go of it.

What do you want? I mean do you want children etc? Have you told him how you feel? I had a friend who waited a long time on a guy like this similiar situation - he is now married with 2 kids. She is single living in a studio flat. Maybe time for an ultimatum?

We're both late twenties. I think your phrase is spot on, I can't keep holding out for something to happen but I think I'm more willing than he is to make a go of it which maybe answers my question anyway..

So then it's all or nothing. If he doesn't want a relationship with you find someone else who does. Otherwise he will hold you back - meanwhile he is happy and available and knows you are there as a backup.

In an ideal world I'd like to see how it goes with him but yes, definitely want children. Ultimatum might be my only option. Thanks for your replies!

P.s how far away is far? Can you try to have regular meet ups to give it one last shot at working? Late 20s is pretty young these days. Maybe he just isn't ready to settle down regardless

It's only a few hours away so doable but I don't think the distance is what's holding us back. I'm seeing things more clearly already..!

I think you need to have an open and honest heart-to-heart conversation with him, no matter how painful it is. I am afraid you will probably hear that he is not interested in an exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with you. But once you have clarified this, you can work on accepting it and moving on. It sounds like it would be a good idea for you to spend a bit of time on your own before jumping into a relationship with someone else.

I think where you're at in life, you don't want to be wasting your time with someone that can't be 100% committed to you.

HeartsTrumpsDiamonds your reply makes so much sense, thank you.
I really appreciate the responses, has cleared things up for me when I've been struggling with it all!

He's not into you, move on

There is a guy in my life has been for 20 years. Started out we would see each other out and cop off etc between other relationships, I fancied him and like him very much as a person and he felt the same but it was fairly obvious we were never going to be in a proper relationship by virtue of the fact that we never have been. He is unhappily married now but married all the same with two children, it was never going to.be for us. We are still friends without the benefits. I still like him very much as a person. Sometimes it just isnt a flyer.