Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4

Relationships

Anybody about for a handhold . Drunk husband

80 replies

WheresStellasGroove · 12/11/2016 21:46

My dh is drunk . Again .

I hate him. We have split up over his drinking before . He has made promises . He has not kept them .

I can't live with him anymore . This is going to be a nightmare .

OP posts:

Report

WheresStellasGroove · 19/11/2016 21:18

Drunk not stun

OP posts:

Report

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/11/2016 21:34

"Why have I stayed with this arsehole for so long ?"

Indeed, why have you?. That is a difficult question but one you must ask yourself and address properly.

All sorts of reasons spring to mind; your own fear, shame and embarrassment (all of those feelings are really misplaced), falling headlong into the sunken costs fallacy trap, the hope that he will change despite your own experiences to the contrary, your own co-dependency issues.

Report

AcrossthePond55 · 20/11/2016 00:34

The first thing to do is to concentrate on getting him out. The whys and wherefores of why you've stayed can wait until he's gone and you have some breathing room. Then you can think things through and get counseling if you think it would help you make better choices in the future. It certainly worked wonders for me!

If I were you, I wouldn't be asking him when he could leave, I'd be telling him when he needed to be out. "This is not working. I am done. You need to be out of this house by XX/XX date", preferably a date that he will have to be at work or gone for some reason the very next day in case he overstays his (lack of) welcome. Then have a locksmith scheduled to change the locks immediately. He'll either be gone the day before or you will be locking him out because he refused to leave. If the latter, you can always leave a packed bag outside for him and tell him that he will be able to remove the rest of his things at a mutually agreed upon time when there is a reliable third party present.

Report

AcrossthePond55 · 20/11/2016 00:36

But I still do think that you should double check on any tenant's rights he may have earned as half of a married couple living in the (rented) marital home. I know it's in your name, but still, you don't want to kick him out only for him to force his way back in (if you think he'd do that).

Report

CurtainsforRonnie · 20/11/2016 00:42

Think of how much happier you will all be. No more treading on eggshells,
You can do it for yourself, DC & Ddog, it will be a weight of your shoulders.