Dating someone from OLD land. Red flags?

[pennyfromtheblock]

Hello wise MN people,
Talk some sense into me!
I have had a couple of LTRs with EA men (inc my DC dad) & after a fair time of singleness decided to do OLD (ok cupid).
Met a guy, drank beer, had fun & we are now 5 dates in. I am almost LOOKING for something to be wrong with him. I'm enjoying the ride & we have loads in common & of course it's really early days but....

1. We had the 'are you dating anyone else' chat & he said he hasn't looked at any dating sites in weeks yet when he was in the shower a POF thing popped up on his phone (I have not deleted my profile though i haven't looked at any messages since I met him & have deleted the ok cupid app.

1. He has mentioned that he uses drugs recreationally sometimes at music festivals.

1. He has hinted that he used to drink loads & 'was a nightmare' when he was 20/25. He is now early 40s.

I like him & I am not jumping into anything. Just wondered if any of these things would make you go By the way, 2 and 3 used to apply to me as well. Am I being OTT or would you be put off by these things?

The recreational drug use would be a deal breaker for me, unless he is willing to stop. If it's just recreational, then it would be no big deal for him to quit, right?

I think you just need to be very honest with yourself on what is acceptable (referring to number 2).

My last boyfriend really played this down, until I moved in with him and realised that he smoked weed every day, and took coke regularly. I soon realised that this would be an issue for me.

You can't change someone, but you can be clear on your own boundaries.

MN was great when I was going through all that and I got really good advice :)

PS . . .Yes BubblingUp I had the same mentality. If it's just recreational, and your relationship is at stake, then surely it would be a no brainer!

That's when you find out if it is a problem!

OP he was in the shower? 5 dates in?

OP he was in the shower? 5 dates in?

And?

OP, the drugs would be a red flag for me, definitely. I wouldn't even date someone who smoked ordinary cigarettes, let alone weed. But then I don't do any drugs, never have, I don't smoke, and I don't even drink much. So my view on that is probably different to yours. YOU have to be comfortable, not me!

Talking about inviting you to things in 2017 wouldn't be a red flag for me at all, unless it was clear I wasn't being given a choice. If I liked him, I'd see that as him looking forward with our relationship.

How do you feel about him? Sounds as though you could take it or leave it. Do YOU want to be going to events and parties with him in 2017? How does your gut feel about that?

Yes. He was in the shower. 5 dates in
Thanks for all your posts.
To the last poster (sorry... Forgot your name) I don't know how I feel about talking about 2017. I've only known him less than 4 weeks. My life is hectic. I'm very cautious - it's kind of nice that he is thinking about the future but I'm not thinking beyond this wkend at the mo. I'm a bit confused.....
Might have to say that next time I see him. Honesty is important.