Daughter is refusing to come home. Will she be put on foster care?

[JessiePa]

We have been having lots of behavioural problems I mean loads. She has broken 2 doors down due to anger, has been excluded from school so many times due to refusing to comply. She bunks lessons. She is a self-harmer and I have tried to support her. CAMHS is involved but she has been waiting 14 months for help from them so who knows. She is refusing to come home. Yesterday at school she was excluded when I arrived school told me she had cut herself she went mental that school had told me and refused to leave school premises. When the head told her that police will come and get her off she got off and walked to the fields. Head said that I can leave her until she decides to go home as she's old enough to get a bus. I wasn't that comfy with that advice tbh. I tried looking for her it was getting dark and I couldn't do I went home to get someone else to help. Her friends mum texted me saying she was staying there for the night, they woke up this morning to her gone. Police are currently searching. I need to be at home for my younger DC as DP is at work now. I don't know what to do. Will she go into care if she says she doesn't want to go home??

Who lives in your house, OP? Why does she hate being there? Is there a particular teacher she confides in?

I knew you'd post soon after I did OhTheRoses. Nice to see you again.

This is so hard, OP. Poor girl, poor you. I hope she is found and safe.

Nice to see you too SealSong. Actually the CAMHS social workers are more helpful than the MH Nurses.

I'd have thought a MH assessment important to ensure there are no undiagnosed MH issues: ASD ADHD, BiPolar, BPD, etc.. Of course that requires the clinical side to pull their fingers out. The OP needs to put in writing that she expects these issues to be fully considered and assessed. CAMHS won't offer; they offer very little.

The other thing you can do OP is ask for help from your local MP or approach the CCG, esp if your DD has been sitting on a waiting list for 14 months.

Yes a waiting list of 14 months is not acceptable.

I do think nobody should look at the OP for not "chasing it up"

Mental Health funding in this country is at an all time low, whilst demand for services is at all time high.

In patient services are maxed out and there aren't actually that many CAMHS in patient units in the UK.

Wishing you the best OP it must be terribly hard.

I'm so sorry OP

DD has nearly driven to distraction countless times (a year younger). No advice but

Yes, everysongbird. And when did you see CAMHS complain except make excuses. It isn't all about funding, much of it is about inflexibility and poor and slapdash practice. Where I live the local CAMHS service is supposed to be on a knife edge of overwork and lack of funding. In April 2016 it was given an additional £2.3m per annum. It is sill a 9 to 5 service which doesn't meet 21st Century needs. Phone at 9.10-9.15 (answering machine on), phone at 4.30/4.45 (answering machine on). Service standards are unchanged since 2015. It has rather more to do with attitude and embedded poor practice than lack of resources in my opinion. If they can't provide an intervention for 2/3/4/5 months when needed they need to start telling the truth rather than weaving a web of veils and mirrors. If families were told the truth there would be more complaints and issues would be addressed. That of course would lead to harder and more flexible working together with more audit and performance management. The whole sorry mess would be blasted out of the water.

I have dealings with CAMHS from a different perspective as currently Assistant SENCO at a big high school. All I can say is chase, chase, chase. Never assume that they are dealing with things if it goes quiet. Record everything. They are reactive, (after a big shove) rather than proactive.

So glad it isn't just me Cary. Would SealSong like to comment.

Soc Services unlikely to take her into care at her request unless you refuse to have her back.
She sounds as if she does a lot of choosing tbh and makes everyone else's life difficult.
It must be very stressful.

My 15yr old DD is in care, a children's unit because I refused to have her at home, I couldn't anymore as she was violent, CAHMS knew, as did Social work but they weren't helpful at all.
It's ongoing, obviously, but dd is better with me now than she has been in years, she's waiting for assessment for ASD, something she wouldn't even accept when she lived here.
It's like I have my daughter back, the one I know, the one I raised, refusing to have her here wasn't an easy thing to do, but it was the right thing to do, for both of us.
The Unit she's in isn't terrible or awful, she has her own room, has whatever she wants on the walls, pocket money, WIFI, they have an evening meal together, takeaway every Saturday and staff who are available to talk whenever, plus she can see me whenever she wants.
Don't rule it out.

I work with social services and my advice would be to contact your local social services for support. As long as your daughter has a safe and appropriate place to live, then there would be no reason for her to be placed in to care. Children are not placed in to care on request of either a child or a parent/guardian. They would assess your situation and put services in place to support you and your child with her behaviour and mental health. They would also assist you with an assessment from CAMHS. Make sure you report her missing to the Police every time she goes missing or if you are concerned for her wellbeing.

I am so aorry brillhair. The system is totally dysfunctional in its support of parents and families. Job creation scheme for nurses who want to do desk work and not put themselves out.

"Would SealSong like to comment".....not particularly, because I am a bit fed up with every single thread I appear on trying to offer support to an OP in relation to issues like this, you attempt to engage me in debate about the failings of CAMHS. It is tiresome. You have an axe to grind and you make that clear on every single thread of this kind. It really does not help the OP, and it is not what this thread is intended for.

I'm sorry for your bad experiences with CAMHS, OhTheRoses, but I will not be engaging with you regarding your perceptions of the failings of that service on every thread I come on of this type. I have come on here to offer what I felt was useful advice to the OP, that is all.

CAMHS has many issues nationally, I will not deny that. However I am only one practitioner and I do my best. I would like to ask you OhTheRoses to stop constantly trying to engage with me on this as it is starting to feel personal. Last time it was on a thread which was nothing to do with this subject, you came on and started sniping about how shit CAMHS workers are. Please leave me out of your agenda.

Oh dear. I am sorry if you feel personally offended. Perhaps you need to walk a mile or three in the shoes of every parent whose child CAMHS has failed.

I don't think I started the passive aggressive commenting but having put it out there I think it deserved a response just as passively playing off child against parent requires challenge. I trust you support every parent of every vulnerable young person being afforded clarity re timeframes and what assessment and care is to be offered and that moving forward such care is provided flexibly to suit the needs of the patient rather than the CAMHS workers and to ensure the potential of every young person is maximised even if it means CAMHS staff gave to adopt modern and effective ways of working to meet the needs of clients rather than their own convenience.

I have given good advice on this thread. That every conversation with a CAMHS worker is recorded in a note and confirmed back to them in writing. I would also venture that every CAMHS worker provides holistic care, ( I think it's called CAPA on a lot of the websites) and advice that takes into account the wishes of the family and,affords every parent the same level of respect afforded to CAMHS doctors. If CAMHS Drs and psychiatrists are afforded the courtesy of a title might I suggest parents are too. Why do CAMHS staff think they may call a parent "mum' if not to subordinate or undermine. If they call the psych Dr x, then surely Mrs X isn't negotiable unless they think the parent is subordinate. It hardly forges mutually respectful relationships.

Yes, I do have an axe to grind. To grind against poor care, opaque information, poor professional standards and a service that fails young people. When I complained I was told off for writing to my MP. If CAMHS can't face up to the failings and be honest who will improve things for vulnerable young people. Surely not the skanky parents who aren't afforded the same level of respect as CAMHS doctors.

It's Mrs Roses, it's time for clarity and service and time that those in and responsible for CAMHS shaped up. Professionals respond to the needs of their patients and don't provide services within an inflexible and outdated 9-5 framework. Young people are at school when CAMHS works - they are suffering but rather than provide a service that ensures young people miss as little school as possible, CAMHS only provides services in a way that provides as big a double whammy of disadvantage and lost opportunity as possible. Because it's more acceptable to further disadvantage young people than to work flexibly to help them as much as possible. And that doesn't even scratch the surface of some of the utter ill informed claptrap too many CAMHS nurses spout.

Can I just clarify that I didn't say not to contact SS. I said I would avoid them personally -an important difference. Had 3 social workers, I fully understand that like every profession there are good and bad. The bad ones are positively dangerous as they can record supposition and opinion as fact. They can also fail to follow guidelines and there appears to be little consequence. We had an appalling time with SS.

I also appreciate the good social worker we had who did their very best and looked at the situation objectively.

My response acknowledged that a child in need meeting was likely the next best option where SS are likely to be involved.

OP have you asked for support from the charity Young Minds? They are not open till Monday now unfortunately but they can help you to organise an assessment:

www.youngminds.org

sorry wrong link:
www.youngminds.org.uk

I'm sad there's an assumption your DD is being abused in your home. Only you know the answer to that OP.

There is absolutely no guarantee that the OP would suspect anything if her daughter was being abused right under her nose.

Any update OP? I hope your DD has been found and is home now?

Itsallabitcrazyhere...apologies, I misquoted you. Should have checked what you'd said before I posted.